“I survived!” Was the message I sent to a few of my colleagues and boss, when providing my post-surgery update. But little do they know the pain and suffering I have yet to overcome.
The surgery was a quick procedure. I remember lying on the operating table with nurses, anesthesiologist, videographer and surgeon walking around in the room. My doctor aka the surgeon came by to comfort me and update me with what was going to happen. Next the nurse was introducing herself and making sure I was comfortable. The videographer came by and said he’d be the one working his magic so my surgeon had full eyes on the inside of my stomach. I jokingly asked if I could get a copy of the tape and he laughed and said “we don’t save the evidence.”
Finally, the anesthesiologist came over, this was the guy that was going to make sure I didn’t feel a thing. He asked me if I was comfortable, if I was ready and after nodding yes, he said I’m going to give you a cocktail, “yum!” I thought. Those were the last words spoken to me, or so I remember.
I woke up a quick hour and a half later, groggy and in a lot of discomfort, surrounded by D, my mom and a nurse who looked amused to see me open my eyes. I never did ask her name, but then again, I was drugged to the extreme and didn’t think it was important at the time. But she was very friendly and pleasant, always ready to help me whenever I woke up and asked for something. She kept me in the recovery room for quote sometime. When it was finally time to go home, she wished me well and assisted with getting me changed and into the wheelchair.
The drive home was painful; every turn and bump had me grabbing at my stomach. Finally upstairs and in bed, I quickly passed out without a care in the world. Recovery since then has been slow and steady. I’ve removed the dressing over my four incisions and have even managed to take a shower. My stomach feels like it’s constantly turning and stretching. I feel terribly nauseous all the time and gas doesn’t seem to want to pass. I’m also very constipated (as if you needed to know the status of my bowel movements).
But with every day that passes, I feel a little better. See! I’m even able to write a whole post without passing out or vomiting. My mom has kept Ni with her since the surgery; which has been very helpful and my darling D has been by my side the whole time. I think he’s getting sick of me now, though. I feel very needy these days, but he hasn’t complained yet. And the messages and emails are coming in at a steady pace wishing me well and a speeding recovery; which is good to see.
So I’m getting there. Slowly but surely. I’ll be back to my normal self in no time. But for now, I feel my pain medicine kicking in and eyes getting drowsy. Off to bed I go.
Xoxo ~ Tamana
I’m sorry for going MIA for the past 3 weeks. I’m having gallbladder removal surgery tomorrow, plus the bed bug drama and craziness at work has kept me away and quite busy. But tomorrow is the day. I’m finally having my Laparoscopic gallbladder removed and hope to be pain-free soon after! Plus, I will be off work for the next 2 weeks to recover. Hopefully, that will give me a little time to focus on all of you, since I’ll be bedridden for the first couple of days or week.
As for my bed bug drama, we had another treatment done a week or so ago and another one planned for next week. We’re living out of boxes at the moment and have thrown out so much stuff, its devastating how empty my apartment looks. However, I’ve come to terms with this ordeal emotionally and have gotten over that fact. It was heartbreaking at first. But such is life; where one thing ends another begins.
So here I am today with all my problems and woes. But tomorrow is the day and I will be pain-free and at a little more ease. I’ll keep you posted on how the surgery goes (once I’m out of the being drugged phase).
Stay tuned and check back for updates.
xoxo ~ Tamana
Happy 20 Month Birthday, my darling angel. You are such a big girl now and have you ever changed in the past month. You’re sprouting 7 teeth, 4 up and 3 down. You’re talking so much more and making little sentences like, “hi daddy” and “mommy aaja” (mommy come here), you’re even singing fuller songs. It’s amazing seeing you grow into the big girl.
At the beginning of this month, you moved up to the toddler room at daycare; which means, no more bottles and soothes. Eventually, you’ll begin potty-training as well. But for now, you are learning to become more independent. Eating on your own, drinking from a big girl cup. Taking off your jacket and shoes (when needed). Going down the slide on your own and climbing up the stairs more often.
At home, you’re a little mischievous monkey, always, trying to climb up on the coffee table and dining table chairs. Trying to sneak mommy and daddy’s cellphones away, so you can have a secret conversation with nani (grandma) and your imaginary friends.
Speaking about nani, she just got back from India mid-month and I was certain you wouldn’t warm up to her right away. But you did and you’re madly in love with her. So much so that you constantly call out to her throughout the day, even when she’s not around. Nani is so proud to see how big and independent you’ve grown in her absence and she’s absolutely, madly in love with you too.
Anyway, pumpkin, not much else has happened this past month. So, just know that mommy and daddy love you ever so dearly. You are our pride, our joy, our everything and we will forever be here for you, no matter what.
Happy 20 Month Birthday again!
xoxo – Mommy
A couple of months ago, my life changed drastically. My house, my world and family turned upside-down. This change or roller-coaster I’ve unwillingly been placed on has totally messed up everything that was going smoothly. We’ve had to change the way we live. Change the way we sleep. Change the way we act.
A couple of months ago, I discovered bed bugs in our home. These little blood-sucking termites are the termites of all termites. They just don’t go away until you throw everything you’ve ever owned out the door and start anew. The come back or hide in the sneakiest of places and wait for the perfect moment to evolve into a colony to take over your bed, bedroom and home on the whole.
Yes, there are exterminators available to get rid of them. But if the exterminator isn’t trained properly and lacks experience, you can bet your life on it, you won’t rid yourself of them. That’s exactly what has happened to me over the past few months. I did everything in my power to prepare and eliminate them. But just keep coming back. With three weeks to my surgery left, I’ve had to make a very hard decision; to move or get rid of everything we own and start anew? Moving isn’t feasible right now; my surgery, upcoming trip to India and the lack of time have all that decided. But starting anew is also a very tough decision to make and act on.
How do you just throw out everything you’ve ever owned, bought with love and excitement? How do you just make your for-time-now, picture perfect home lose everything you’ve spent so much hard-earned dollars on? How do you wipe the slate blank and start fresh? And throw it all, how to be the support your family needs you to be without breaking-down and losing hope?
I’ve had to do all that these past couple of months. I’ve thrown out so much clothes, linen, brand-new furniture, carpets, and baby-stuff over this time and I’m still not done yet. Over the next couple of days, I have to throw out every single piece of furniture I have left in my home. I have to re-wash every piece of clothing, linen and rugs we own and pack them in plastic garbage backs and then plastic containers and move them into the balcony. All of this before the exterminator arrives on Wednesday morning.
So, yes, I’ve gone MIA from my blog for the past few weeks/month. But my intent wasn’t to abandon all you or my blog forever. Life has been a cluster-fuck since the beginning of this year. And although, I am tackling my issues one-by-one, it’s hard to stay positive and focused on other things besides the task at hand.
Once again, I apologize for not being here and letting all of you know what’s going on. It’s not an easy topic to discuss and has taken a lot of courage to finally put this update up here. But after Wednesday I should be in a better place and will be able to give more time to all of you and my blog. So please be patient and come back for the updates I love providing.
Sit in a room waiting for the other person to bring up an important topic to discuss and you’ll just end up sitting there for 30 minutes staring at the wall waiting. Try to bring up the topic yourself and you’ll get a half-ass response that has no benefits. That’s where I am these days..
Go into work and get hounded by everyone and their mothers, pulling and tugging you in every direction for decisions and not having the answers for them, will end you up in the bathroom, hyperventilating and holding back tears. Try asking for support, empathy or any words of encouragement and you’ll end up being told, “this is part of the job, if you can’t handle it, find something else. That’s where I am these days.
Come home to a house empty of most of its contents due to a bed bug problem, with nowhere to sit but the dinner table chairs and constantly be on the look out for the little fuckers; excessively cleaning. That’s where I am these days.
Endless days and nights spent in pain. Vomiting. Diarrhea. light-headedness. My body feels as if it’s decaying. This is where I am these days.
Life has turned into a massive cluster-fuck these days and I am frustrated. I am depressed. I am torn. Bruised and a bit broken. I’ve stepped away from the things I love doing most and cannot focus on many things that need to get done. But I keep telling myself through all of this, “suck it up, princess. The show must go on!”
I’m trying hard to be here. I’m trying hard not to let myself get sucked in. But it’s so hard to do. It’s so hard to stop yourself from depressing and losing perspective. I look at D and Ni and they remind me why I must hang on, why I must not let my depression takeover my ability to BE. It’s just so hard. And I am so tired. So, so, very tired.