a stubborn desire…
A few days ago I wrote a post about being horribly emotional and overwhelmed by the pregnancy. I asked my fellow readers if they had any suggestions on how I could cope with all of this. Sadly, though I received no replies. Which either means one of two things; my followers are no longer interested in reading my blog posts, hence have not responded or no one knows what to tell me to help me get through this emotional hell.
I’m not exactly sure which one of the two are the reason for not receiving any responses, all I know is that I am still stuck and have yet to find a way out. I feel like I’ve hit a new low lately. Lack of sleep, leg and back pain might contribute to all the depression and emotional ups and downs but I’ve tried everything to make things better and to feel better. Nothing seems to be working. Instead I find myself falling further and further into a depressed state of mind. With depression, anger, anxiety and stress contributing to my hell.
I keep telling myself that things will get better. I tell myself to wake up smiling and try to get over whatever it is that’s bothering me. I’ve even tried cheering myself up with some retail therapy and a mani-pedi. But nothing has worked. And lately it seems that D and I aren’t seeing eye to eye either. Matter-of-fact, we’re no longer even looking in the same direction as one another.
It’s probably all brought on by my craziness. But whatever the reason be, right now is one of the most important and toughest times of my life and I need him to just deal with whatever I am going through and acting like and hold my hand and be my support. I need him to be there for me right now, especially when I am feeling so low and unhappy. I’ve expressed this to him numerous times over the past few weeks but it seems I am just not getting through to him, that or he doesn’t care anymore.
I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know how to fix the gap between us. I don’t know how to find happiness in my heart anymore. I keep thinking of the angel that will soon bless me with her presence. But even that doesn’t bring the type of happiness to my heart as I am seeking. She is my happiness but I need more right now. I need my best friend, my husband to hold my hand and get me through this. He just doesn’t get it though.
So, I find myself stuck once again.