Self-Care & Love

image1 (5)We are bound by the responsibilities and relationships we’ve created for ourselves. We are busy maintaining these every day. It’s very easy to get caught up in the daily hustles and  forget that self-love and care should be an essential part of our daily lives as well.

We are super-mom/dad, super-student/employee, daughter/son, the list goes on and on. We have so many roles we play every single day.

But let me ask you this, how often do you take a minute to sit, reflect and recuperate yourself? How often do you sit back and be yourself, YOU and only YOU, as a whole?

It’s important to take a few minutes, a half-hour, even an hour and just be with yourself; to care for yourself; to do something that you truly love doing and that makes you happy.

Because without self-care, nourishment and love, it is impossible to give our relationships and responsibilities the attention and care they need.

Have you heard the instructions the flight-attendants give before the flight takes off? “Put your oxygen mask on first before helping someone else.” Do you know what that means? It means that you need to take care of yourself first before you try to take care of anyone else. If you are not complete within yourself, there is no way you will be a complete mom, employee, daughter, friend to anyone else.

So, every day, I wake a little earlier than I probably should, make myself a cup of coffee, turn on the news and just sit on my couch and relax. I enjoy the personal time, the quiet, the time where I am not responsible for anyone or anything besides finishing that cup of coffee. I also do this every night after Nid goes to sleep. I sit, I listen to music, I put on a face mask to rejuvenate my skin and relax on the couch before heading to bed.

It’s a simple way to prepare yourself for the day and unwind after a hectic day. It’s my time to be myself, to let loose, to forget everything I worried about the day before and through the day. It’s a way for me to listen to all the noise in my head and sort it out. It’s a time for me to reflect on all the emotions of the day and translate them into what they mean/meant to me. It’s a time for me to write my thoughts down or smile remembering something that made my heart warm throughout the day. It’s my time to be me, just me and for my sanity and productivity.

How do you unwind? How do you give back to yourself what you’ve given out to all your loved ones and responsibility? Is there something you do that brings you back to utter peace and calmness?

~Tamana

Quick Health Update

I received my blood results from my physician on Friday and appears I’m as healthy as can be, well, my blood is at least. All levels checked came back normal. Good news, right? Not exactly! Because receiving good blood results still leaves the question of why I’m having this excruciating pain in my legs and why am I getting another boil or cyst on my body?

Yes, you read that correctly, I woke up yesterday morning to a pain on my inner thigh. After further investigation, there’s another bump forming; which is very painful. Sigh! I’ve already started putting the anti-inflammatory, anti-fungal ointment the doctor prescribed for the previous bump (cyst).

As for further discussions with the physician, he suggested an x-ray of my lower spine and tailbone. I haven’t had the x-rays done yet but will be going tomorrow afternoon.

Aside from that, the pain in my legs persists and with this new growth forming, the pain has just elevated.

So that’s where I am right now. My blood says I’m healthy but my body begs to differ.

~Tamana

Quick Update: Health Drama

c64e8e67-97b7-4558-b2b6-2d1e01db56da.jpgHello my lovelies!

I hope you’re all doing well. I am sorry for being  away for the past couple of weeks and not writing. I’ve been dealing with some new health drama that is not relieving itself and which has taken a huge toll on my ability to sit in front of a computer or on my phone and actually type.

A few weeks ago, I woke up with a sore back, tailbone (coccyx) to be exact. I didn’t think much of it because I’ve battled with lower back pain since I had my injury at work last year. However, the pain did not go away and continued to get worst. A few days later, I went to see my physician to complain about the pain and when he checked the area, he found nothing there. However, he did suspect I might be getting a pimple or boil in the spot I kept pointing to. He asked me to monitor it and come back to see him if anything popped up.

A few days later, a boil seemed to form on my tailbone and was extremely tender. I went back to my physician, he informed me that the abscess was at the beginning stages of growth and there was nothing he could do for me, except prescribe me antibiotics because a boil or possible cyst on the tailbone is probably the result of staphylococcus bacteria infecting my body.

I didn’t fill the prescription because I didn’t believe it could be a bacterial infection (dumbass me!) and kept monitoring the growth of the cyst. Five days in it slowly began to grow, however, nothing too major. Then bam! The damn think grew overnight to the size of a golf ball and I developed a high fever. I sent Dev to fill the prescription and began the round of antibiotics.

The following day the cyst began to leak puss and blood and I still had a fever and severe chills.

The following morning, I went in to see the doctor, who informed me that I now needed immediate emergency care and told me to go the nearest emergency room(ER).

Long story short, at the hospital, the ER doctor examined and cut the cyst (pilonidal cyst to be exact) and squeezed out all the built-up puss and blood and sent me home with a new hole in my ass.

Anyway, the cyst went away after about 2-2.5 weeks. However, since then, I have felt excruciating pain in my thighs and lower back. Some days the pain is so bad that I can’t walk, sit, stand and even lying down is uncomfortable. My physician increased my dosage of antibiotics and extended the amount of days I was to take it, he also requested blood and urine tests for me; which I had done last Friday. He’s also put me on muscle relaxers that cause bad drowsiness and a high-dosage of painkillers.

Later today, I am going in to see him to get my test results and to hopefully get answers on why my legs feel like someone has beaten them with a hammer continuously.

I’ll provide an update after my appointment later today. However, I wanted to post at least a quick note (although it’s quite long) to let all of you know what’s been going on with me lately.

Wish me luck for my appointment, that I finally get some answers as to why I’m feeling so crappy and in so much pain! Stay blessed and have an amazing week!

xoxo ~ Tamana

 

Life Is Like A Box Of Crayons

Life is like a box of crayons, it’s up to us to pick what color we’re going to wear and let effect us. Today, I’ve painted my world pink. Pink symbolizes delicacy, a sweetness, playful, romantic, charming, feminine outlook.

It is the universal color of friendship and of the love of oneself and of others.

Pink is the sweeter side of the color red. Whereas, red represents passion, intense love, and heat.

Today, I feel playful, feminine and delicate. My heart is full of love for myself and for the ones around me. I feel beautiful.

We fall, we break, we get torn to shreds but it is up to us to collect ourselves, to transform ourselves and to love ourselves over and over again. And if you know anything about me, you know how many times I’ve broken down and gotten back up again and every time I get up, I feel more in love with myself, more content with my life and stronger as ever.

Don’t let the grey, dull, blackness of life break your box of crayons. Get up, stand up and color your world again! For life is like a box of crayons and it’s up to you to decide what color you’re going to paint your world.

~ Tamana

Happy Anniversary, Mr. S.

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7 years and he’s still melting my heart. Happy Anniversary, Dev!

 

Mom-In-Training: Meltdown

I’ve recently developed an abscess on my tailbone that has taken the better part of the past week to develop and come to form. It is one of the most excruciating pains I’ve ever felt in my life. I cannot sit properly, walk or even lie down on my back and getting up causes even more pain than sitting down. I’ve tried every remedy in the book and am also taking antibiotics prescribed by my physician. But nothing has helped. To add trauma to injury, I developed a fever and chills this past weekend.

If that wasn’t enough to deal with, my mother took my father to the emergency on Friday because he had severe shortness of breath. He has congestive heart failure and constantly has fluid buildup in his lungs if he doesn’t monitor his liquid intake. So, emotionally my mind has been with her and my father all weekend because she isn’t well herself and is dealing with his illness on her own.

All-in-all, it’s been a difficult few days to deal with.

Maybe I am too emotional or in so much pain that I feel the people around me have been of no help since this abscess developed.

All this emotional and physical pain caused me to have a complete meltdown this evening. Unfortunately, Nid ended up being at the receiving end of my meltdown. I was in pain and she wasn’t listening and I just began to cry and told her how I was feeling and how upset her not listening was making me and that her and her daddy hadn’t made the past few days easy for me with what I was dealing with.

And now I feel horrible because she doesn’t see me lose my cool often and so she began to cry herself after seeing me cry.

After consoling her, I finally got her to sleep. I am still feeling terrible for melting down in front of her and will speak to her about it in the morning.

But I have to wonder, should I be ashamed of what happened this evening? Our children see us at our toughest, dealing with anything and everything life throws at us. But is it okay to let them see us when we breakdown and are vulnerable?

Have any of you ever had a meltdown in front of your child? How did you deal with it afterwards? I’d love to hear some insight from any of the moms that read my blog.

Happy Birthday, Dev!

Happy 37th Birthday, sweetheart! I wish you an abundance of love and happiness and pray all your dreams and goals come true.

You are a blessing in my and Nid’s lives. You’re an amazing friend, companion, father and truly a beautiful human-being, both inside and out.

Today, I want to thank you for being my best-friend and for putting up with me and all my crazy, irrational ways. It takes a very special type of person to be able to deal with a whack-up like me and you’ve done such a good job at it for so many years; just goes to show what an exceptional person you are.

So, thank you once again for all you do for Nid and I. We love you dearly and pray you have the most awesomest of birthdays ever!

Xoxo ~ Tamana

a stubborn desire…

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