India’s Daughter – The Story Of Jyoti Singh

indias daughterBBC Storyville has finally released the story of Jyoti Singh, the rape victim from the infamous Indian bus rape case in 2012. The documentary has been banned in India. However, the documentary has been made available on YouTube.

The documentary highlights Jyoti’s life and the event that ended her life and aftermath of her death. It reflects on the mentality of men in India and how the convicted shows no remorse towards the events. His lawyers display similar extreme views towards women.

Directed by Leslee Udwin with the agreement and cooperation of Jyoti’s parents, Asha and Badri Singh.

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Ni’s 28th Month Birthday Letter

Ni's Weekly & Monthly Birthday Letters
Ni’s Weekly & Monthly Birthday Letters

Happy Belated 28th Month Birthday, my darling Ni!

With daddy’s birthday right at the end of the month, it completely slipped my mind to write your birthday letter. Daddy’s birthday was quite fun. You spent the weekend with grandma and grandpa but I heard you enjoyed yourself. As for mommy and daddy, we spent the weekend at home and had a little party.

As for the rest of the month, it was as usual. Nothing exceptionally special happened, except that you’ve now grown so much that you can unlock the front door. Thankfully the door is too heavy for you so you can’t just yet open it. But after a recent death of a 3-year old toddler, I’m concerned that you try to open the door. So, I’ve put a chain-lock on the front door; which thankfully, is far out of your reach.

Besides that nothing else has really happened. You’re growing into a beautiful little girl. Most of your teeth have come in now and I just love seeing your little smile and tiny teeth. You squint your eyes, wrinkle your nose and then smile with your teeth. I love it. It’s adorable and so are you.

Mommy and daddy love you dearly; don’t you ever forget that. We’ll always be standing beside you no matter where you go in life. We love seeing you grow and learn all sorts of new things. Just try to keep some of the tantrums at bay, it gets a little tiring for mommy when you’re throwing a hissy-fit. Besides that, you’re a pretty good girl and we are so blessed to have you.
Happy Birthday, sweetheart. xoxo

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“A girl is far more responsible for rape than a boy,” says man convicted in Indian bus rape case

The National Post recently posted a story and partial interview of one of the rapist involved in the infamous bus rape case in India. The story has left me disgusted. These bastards actually blame the girls that are being raped.

Mukesh Singh, one of the convicted, said girls that go out late at night to clubs and discos are the ones to blame when men rape them, as they are attracting male molesters. He even went as far as saying that if the girl, Jyoti Singh hadn’t fought back and just let them rape her, they wouldn’t have killed her, they would’ve set her free. But because she fought back and tried to stop them, they beat her to her death.

If the situation couldn’t get any worse, Mukesh’s lawyer, AP Singh expressed similar views saying, “If my daughter or sister engaged in pre-marital activities and disgraced herself and allowed herself to lose face and character by doing such things, I would most certainly take this sort of sister or daughter to my farmhouse, and in front of my entire family, I would put petrol on her and set her alight.”

What the hell is wrong with these men? What the hell is wrong with the Indian government? Why haven’t these men received the death sentence yet? Why is this lawyer still allowed to practice law? People like this should be given the harshest of punishments and banned from living in our society.

I am not one to encourage mini skirts and halter tops. But if a woman wants to wear it, that’s her choice and she is free to live by her choices. If she wants to go out clubbing and drinking with her friends late at night, why should she be afraid in doing so? This is an open world, free for men to act, wear, do and say as they please. So, why are women still fighting for their freedom?

The mentality of Indian men has not changed for many decades. Yes, there are a slowly increasing number of educated ones that truly believe that a woman’s place is standing shoulder to shoulder of any man. But there are so many that still believe a woman’s only place is at their feet, that these women live in a “man’s” world and shall do and say as men ask them to.

This mentality needs to change, for the sake of our daughters, our mothers, our sisters, our wives. There is nothing a man can do that a woman cannot. Men are not Gods. Men are not everything this world has to offer and before us woman believe that, you men need to understand that. You are only here because WOMEN chose to give birth to you. Without us, you are not a father, a brother, a son, a husband and vice-verse, without you, we are not mothers, sisters, daughters or wives. You need us as much as we need you. So get off your high-horse and understand that women will do as they please and there is nothing you should do to change that.

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Questions Remain Unanswered From Elijah Marsh Crowdfunding Campaign

A few days ago, I asked the question of “What happens to the funds raised for the Elijah Marsh trust?” and it appears I wasn’t the only one asking these questions. A simple Google search resulted in numerous sites, blogs and newspapers asking the same question.

I’m not insensitive to the tragedy that has taken place. I hope to never experience what the family is going through. But the question does remain; now that the little angel has been laid to rest, what happens to the remainder of the money that was raised.

For a minute, I will be insensitive and say, the family was exceptionally quick to set up the Trust fund at Scotia Bank in order to access the money that was being raised, so why aren’t they quick to indicate what they plan to do with the remainder of the it?

I just think, they would realize that people would want to know what’s going to come of all the money. And what about the media? I know they’re keen on being sensitive to tragedy, but why didn’t someone ask this question when questions were being addressed?

As for my opinion on where the money should be spent, I’d say use some to cover for loss of wages (if any) and then open up a Elijah Marsh trust at Sick Kid’s Hospital to support and assist other families that may go through a loss of a child or unexpected expense for their child. That in my opinion would be the noble thing to do.

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D’s Birthday Weekend

D's CakeD’s birthday weekend wasn’t like anything I had planned. No group of friends coming over for dinner and drinks. No dinner and a movie. No massage. Nope, none of that.

Instead, D, me and his friend had few drinks (me a few too many) and then dinner and ended up watching the India vs. South Africa cricket match and a movie at home. India won, so that was the icing on the cake!

DrinksWe didn’t sleep until nearly 5am due to the match and then ended up waking up past noon the next day. He missed his massage; which I had assumed he would once I found out that there was a cricket match that night. Saturday was spent lounging around the house. I wasn’t hung-over, but was drunk almost half the day from the night before. After a really long time, I let myself get really tipsy. I was still in my senses, I just had an amazing buzz and really enjoyed relaxing and letting go. I think I needed it because I feel relaxed today and a little less anxious.

After his friend left on Saturday, D and I had dinner and ended up going to the casino for a couple of hours. We lost miserably. We were completely depressed the ride home. But when I got home, I don’t know what dawned on me, I logged on to the online casino and played $30. He was upset that I would go and spend more money after the miserable time we just had at the casino. Something just told me to play and so I did and my instincts were dead-on; I won back almost all we had lost! I quickly withdrew my winnings and logged off. I told him what happened and he was ecstatic that luck would’ve been so funny with us tonight.

Sunday was much easier to tolerate after the winning balancing out with the losses we’d suffered earlier. We went to pick up Ni from my parent’s place and spent most of the day with them. Came home late evening and I once again fell asleep on the couch as Ni and her “Babu” played and entertained each other.

Overall, D mentioned he enjoyed his weekend. He said his birthday was great; he got to have a couple of drinks with me and his close friend, watch cricket and got one of his favorite home-cooked meals. Plus, he had a two-day weekend; which he especially loved being off work and not worrying about getting up early and having a list of tasks to do.

Birthday!I guess, even though it didn’t go as I had predicted and planned, it was a success. Plus, D and I got some much-needed couple of time.

Another Night, Another Emotional Battle With Myself

Sometimes I feel like something is missing. But what? Money? No. We’re comfortable for the moment. A home? No, we’re happy were we are. A husband? No, I have one of those. A child? No, I am blessed with one of those as well. Food? No, there’s never been any shortage (thankfully).

Surrounded by everything I “need” to survive and even some “wants” to keep the days more pleasurable, I find myself feeling empty. Something is amiss. Like a piece of me is lost. There’s a void I cannot fill. No one has been able to either. But I don’t know what it is that I’ve lost or misplaced or that has been taken from me. But I am not me. No, I am a lost a soul; unhappy in my skin, in my darkness, in my light. Nothing anyone does can change the way I am feeling. No one can push back the tears that ever so easily flow from my eyes. No one can give me reasoning to why I am fighting this battle.

All the positives in my world do not let me escape this negativity. A piece of me is lost. Lost somewhere far away. But how  do I find what I don’t know is missing? Who do I ask to bring back that piece of me when I don’t know who’s taken it? There is no light at the end of my tunnel. There is no silver-lining to these dark clouds overhead. So, I toss and turn and the night passes with my heart and mind battling each other once again.

My heart says you have plenty. My mind shouts back, “there’s this one thing missing”. My heart says be thankful for all you have. My mind says with all I have there is an emptiness. My heart says people around you love you dearly. My mind says I know but why isn’t it enough? My heart says it will all be alright, have patience. My mind looks for a way to make it all alright but finds nothing.

Emptiness engulfs me and makes me cry. With each tear that falls another little piece of me goes amiss. I lose myself deeper in this darkness. Finally, I fall asleep and the tears stop. Utter silence. It all goes away for a little while.

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Quick Weekly Update

It’s D’s birthday on Friday and I’m down with a cold. Sigh! I spent most of yesterday hidden under a blanket, passed out on the sofa. Thankfully, my parents needed to come down to their old home and dropped by my place with lunch and dinner for us; so I didn’t have to cook. I don’t think I would’ve cooked anyway with the way I was feeling yesterday. I had an extremely high fever that kicked my ass on Monday night and most of yesterday. I’m still sick this morning, but my fever is low and manageable; which is why I’m already at work. I’m going to see how I’m feeling throughout the day and if I can’t hold it together, I might leave early. But we’ll see as the day progresses.

As for D’s birthday being on Friday, well I don’t have a lot planned. I haven’t bought him a gift. Quite frankly, I don’t know what to get him. On Friday, we’re going to the bank to FINALLY open up our RRSP and Ni’s RESP accounts. Yay, me! Finally getting my finances in order. Then he has to go to work. I’m going to make a trip to Costco to pick up some goodies and then head back home and tidy up. My parent’s have agreed to have Ni  at their place this weekend, so they’ll pick her up sometime in the evening.

Saturday, I have a 1-hour massage booked for him and then brunch at Cora’s. Finally, the evening will begin with him thinking me, him and his friend are going out for dinner and a movie before all of his other friends arrive for a night of dinner and drinks. Sunday, I’m going to let him sleep in and then we’ll pick up Ni from my parent’s house and probably spend half the day there.

I ordered him a new shirt and jeans to wear on his birthday and pretty much that’s the only gift he’s getting from me this time around. I just don’t know what to get him and because we’re going to be putting some money away into these new RRSP and RESP accounts, I don’t want to go over my budget in getting him something. I am cooking him a special dinner on Friday night and paying for a massage. So, I hope that will suffice as a present and making him feel special.

But first I need to get better. So, I’m going to focus on that for today and tomorrow and hopefully be back to my somewhat good-old self by the weekend. I’ll let you know how his birthday goes and will definitely share photos when I can.

a stubborn desire…

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