Dearest Kindergarten Teachers

Dearest Kindergarten Teachers:

I don’t know how to begin my note as my heart is sore and eyes wet from seeing my little kiddo crying as she’s being pulled away from me at the gates of the kindergarten entrance. I know you have many other children to look after and your job is one of the toughest in the world. You take care of, nurture and teach our children many of the things they will need in their lifetime. I also know, some of you are overwhelmed with the amount of children you have in your class as the numbers increase year after year.

But I only have the one and she is my life, my happiness, my love and the reason for me being who I am. I would hope that when I come to drop her off and when she doesn’t so easily let go of my hand and tears pour out of her eyes, that you would show a little compassion for the two of us. I too try very hard every day to push back my tears as you or your assistant pull her away from me. I would hope that you could give me a minute to calm her down and reassure her that everything will be alright and that school is where she needs to be at this time. 

I know you’ve done this a hundred times or more before. But me and my child have not and we are still adjusting. Please show some compassion and let me give my little one another hug before you take her away. 

Thanks.

Let’s Go To The overpriced Ex!

An annual tradition in my house, since I was a child has been to visit The Ex aka Canadian National Exhibition on the second-last Saturday of the season. I’ve kept that tradition since Dev and I got married and since Nid was still in my tummy. Now that she’s grown, I still continue to follow that tradition and make it a point to visit The Ex every year. But this year, we decided to take the Go Train in since last year’s parking cost and drama of fighting for a spot was too much to handle for me. 

The cost of admission has raised incredibly over the past few years and the after-5pm discount no longer applies to weekends. So, we spent $36 before we even crossed the entrance gate for 2 adults. Thankfully, Nid’s ticket was free because she is still under 4 year’s old. 
She wanted to play lots of games to win some toys and go on the rides. But the ride tickets were so expensive, $0.75 per ticket and each ride required at least 6 tickets. That’s extremely overpriced for a ride in my opinion. The games weren’t any better. $3-$5 per game and if you win you get a dinky looking toy. Seeing all the toys, Nid was super excited to win some and so we played numerous games and let her pick the prize every time we won. 
By the time we left 3 and a half hours later, we had a fried onion ring for $12, a funnel cake for $13, a bottle of water for $4 and $100 in crappy toys we won playing games. All in all, we spent nearly $200 in a matter of 4 hours and although it was somewhat fun, I don’t really feel it was worth it. 
Next year, if we decide to go revisit The Ex, it will probably be for a much shorter time and definitely on a tighter budget, that is if we visit at all. I know prices of everything are going up all around us but I don’t remember The Ex being that overpriced. It was supposed to be about all the fun and ending the summer with one last day filled with games, excitement and fun and not feeling like you’ve been robbed. 

Nid’s First Day Of Kindergarten 

Yesterday was Nid’s first day of Jr. Kindergarten and I am a complete mess. She was excited to be taking her lunch to school in her new Frozen lunchbox and containers. But she didn’t want to be in the big girl class; she wanted to stay with her best friend, who’s a year younger in their preschool. She wanted to stay with Ms. Edith and Ms. Shipra because she loves them and will miss them. 

She took some great pictures outside the school and was all smiles. But once the teachers began taking their kids inside, she began to clench my hand and insisted that I stay. The teacher’s assistant slightly pulled her away; which caused her to burst into tears, resulting in mommy bursting into tears. I had been trying so hard to hold back my tears until that moment but the moment I saw her cry, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I kneeled down to hug her and reassured her that daddy or I would pick her up after school and it would be alright once she was inside with the rest of her class. Finally, the assistant pulled her away, asked me to leave and took my baby inside.

I stood near the compound of the school for a long while comforting myself and reassuring myself that she would be alright and would get through this and would eventually love school. 

I left her a little congratulatory note and treat at home to encourage her and let her know how proud daddy and I are of her. 


But how will I get through the fact that she’s not my baby anymore? She’s growing up so quickly and time is flying past us. She’s not my little baby anymore. She’s my big girl now and that’s terrifying for me. Day-by-day she is becoming more independent and doesn’t need me to lend her a hand. She wants to do everything on her own and barely needs her mommy anymore. And as great as that is, she’s still my little girl and I still need her to let do things for her. I’m not as ready to let go as she is. 

My friends tell me that it will only get harder the bigger she gets because she’ll want to soar and fly and won’t want her mommy there all the time. Although, I know they’re right, I don’t want to believe them.  I want to be the exception, that no matter how big she gets, she still looks for my hand beside her’s when she’s walking. 

I’m Still Here

I know I’ve been away from my blog for quite a while now and rarely post anything new. I’ve been very tired lately and haven’t had the mindset to write; which is why I’ve abandoned my blog sort of and haven’t posted anything new except for the odd post. I know it’s not fair to you guys but I needed some time alone and away from my blog and although I’ve been putting photos and stuff on Instagram and somewhat on Facebook, I just didn’t feel like writing much and that’s why I haven’t.

Writing has always been my passion but when you’re tired and always exhausted it’s kind of hard to put the words on paper or in this case online. 

Every day I tell myself that I will write a new post but I just I don’t.

So I discovered the microphone feature on my iPhone and decided instead of writing a blog post today I would talk and let Siri do the writing. So, here I am doing that, just to give you guys an update on how I’ve been and what Ive been up to.

I’ve been enjoying the summer a lot with my family and I have been super busy with work. Plus, I’m going to be taking a mini vacation again to London, Ontario and then down to Lake Erie and then hopefully up to Lake Huron and that will be the end of the summer.

Nid is starting kindergarten in September, so I’m a little bit frightened, worried, anxious and overwhelmed by that whole thought. I’m preparing myself and her to begin kindergarten. I can’t believe how quickly the time has gone by and she’s grown up so quickly. It’s exciting and frightening all at once.

That’s where I am right now. I’m going to start writing more often from now on, since I feel like I’ve had a good break. I hope you’ll stay tuned and continue to share my life’s journey with me. 

5 Year’s Of Wedded Bliss

Five years ago, Dev and I were sitting on the balcony drinking beer after a long days work. It was the perfect night, the perfect moment and the perfect conversation. I don’t know what dawned on me but I turned to him and said, “I want to marry you! Will you marry me?” I completely expected a shocked reaction and an argument over why not. But instead, received the words I didn’t think were on his mind; “I want to marry you, too.” I think I almost died and went to heaven before I came to terms with what he had just said. I told him it had always been my dream to elope with my true love without telling anyone. He said, “then let’s do it.” “Whaaa-t?” I exclaimed back. 

We decided to get married in court the following Wednesday. But the Friday night before that, he got into a car accident, that left him carless but injury-free. It was a horrifying event. He could’ve been paralyzed or killed.

The car accident left me wondering if us getting married was a bad idea. I didn’t speak about it the rest of the week. But that following Friday night as we sat on the balcony again, I look on his faces, that perfect conversation started again and I said, “accident or not, bad omen and all, I still want to marry you, when you’re ready.” He said, “I was ready last week and I’m still ready now. Let’s get our marriage license and get married.”

They say, “what’s meant to be, will be”, and so it has been five years. 
When I look back at the last five years, I see tears, arguments, anger even. But then the laughter, adventures, happiness, crazy, moments overpower all the bad days. I’m bold, outspoken, straightforward, intense and extreme. He’s calm, laid back, easygoing, and relaxed. I guess, that’s why we’re still together and enjoying each other’s company still. We got for dinners, try new restaurants, explore new destinations locally and ride on each other’s strengths. We don’t overlook the others weaknesses or try to change them based on our opinions. But instead, encourage the other to be who we need to be at this very moment and either adjust to the weakness or fight it out. 
It’s been a beautifully adventurous five years and I am blessed to have met him and to have gone with my gut when it told me he was the one. Happy 5 Year Anniversary, Dev. Here’s to another 5, 10, 15, 20, or 50 years of craziness with you! 

Never Any Time


I know I’ve completely decreased the amount of time that I write on my blog. I know that I’ve sort of abandoned all of you but the truth is that I just don’t have time. I don’t have energy. I don’t have mine set to write and constantly am exhausted. I am working with my husband, as you all know and although, I am his business development assistant manager, I also his waitress or I should say his cashier, his supplier, his errand runner, his accountant, his secretary and as his wife, I’m also his personal assistant. So I barely have time for anything and when I do have time; I’m so exhausted and mentally drained that I don’t have the energy to write.I now work nearly 50 to 60 hours a week, whereas before, as a project manager I was working close to 37 to 45; that’s a huge difference. Plus, I am also not counting the times when we are at home and we are putting together the weekly schedule or ordering inventory from our suppliers or running around trying to get one of the parts for one of the machines we use. Those are all on the side jobs that essentially don’t get accounted for towards the hours we work. 

So, that is my excuse, that is why I seem to try to only write at least once a week and sometimes I even miss that and end up writing about only once every two weeks. I’m sorry for that and for anybody who has followed my blog over the past few months or year will know that my blog is truly my sacred place; it is my life but unfortunately right now, it is secondary to the current life I’m living. I’m sorry, I hope you all understand. I hope you realize that the changes I made a couple of months ago with my career, with my life and with my health have all affected me and have brought me to the conclusion that I will still display or portray my life on my blog but sometimes my blog will have to wait. I’m still around and I will try my best to write as much as I can,!even if it’s just a couple of lines every couple of days. So stay tuned and be patient and wish me well and luck with everything I’m doing.

Xoxo ~ Tamana

An App & Reality Check Are Helping Me Reach My Goals


I was home on sick leave for nearly five months. I was dealing with an array of symptoms that eventually led to depression and the depression led to over eating. I knew I had gained weight but when I finally decided to get on the scale and check how much, I was left shocked and horribly depressed. I gained 17 lbs. in five months, sitting at home with minimal exercise. 17 frickin pounds!! I was already over weight to begin with but 17 extra pounds to deal with was not something I was looking forward to.

That was a reality check for me. How did I let myself go this far? Why didn’t I check before and get off my ass and start moving around? How the heck was I going to get rid of this extra weight and get healthy again?

I looked high and low for quick weight loss remedies and diets. But nothing was working. I wasn’t losing any weight and the fad diets were making me feel sluggish and drained; which led to even more depression. 

A friend mentioned downloading a health app and using that to help me lose weight. Really? An app to help me lose weight! How was that going to help? I questioned her recommendation and ended the conversation. 

Later however, I decided to go into the App Store and check out some apps. I’d heard a lot about FitBit, so decided to check it out. I downloaded the Fitbit App to see what all the commotion was about. For those of you who don’t know what Fitbit is, it’s a little bracelet that can track your physical activity and sleep patterns. I didn’t purchase the bracelet because it’s not in my budget to do so. Especially right now, since money is extremely tight. However, I decided to download the app on my iPhone. I constantly have my phone on me, so figure it will track my steps as much as possible. 

The app is easy to use and can be set up to your personal goals. Of course, my goal is to lose weight. So, I’ve indicated that on my app. I’ve also indicated how much weight I would like to lose. So, the app calculates how many calories I should be eating daily and how much water I need to consume to hit my target. It also gives me a date for when I will achieve my weight loss goal if I continue to follow the apps recommendations. My target weight loss date is August 2017. I’m trying to lose 93 lbs. 

At first, the daily calorie count was hard to maintain and I almost never was under or at the recommended calories I should be eating. However, with the help of putting in my daily calories, I come very close each day to not going over the recommended amount. I’ve also increased my water intake to nearly double what the app suggests. The app allows me to search for foods in the calorie chart, so that I can easily find how many calories a food has in it before I consume it. The more I walk, the higher calories I can consume that day. 

I downloaded the app on June 15th. Since then, I have lost 19 lbs. I follow the apps calorie recommendations Monday to Friday and eat as healthy as I can on those days. But allow myself to eat junk food or carbohydrates on the weekends. All in moderation, though. I’ve increase my water intake by 100% from the recommended amount on the app. So, now I’m up to four litres of water a day. I try to get in at least 5000-8000 steps each day and am trying to work my way up to at least 10000 steps daily. My calorie intake has been reduced to 1200 calories a day. 

And I don’t feel bloated, sluggish or crappy any more. My legs don’t hurt as much and I’m sleeping much better. The depression has seemed to fade away significantly because I’ve realized I’m working myself back to a better me and although the results don’t show on my body yet, I feel better as myself again. 
Dev says I look like I’ve lost weight. I don’t see it, though. But the fact that he’s noticed how hard I’ve been working and sees some of the results, makes me feel like I’m on the right track.

Fad diets only worked for a while. But this lifestyle change is showing me that it’s not all that hard to lose weight if you choose the right path and have the determination and the help from a little app!

a stubborn desire…

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