Happy Birthday To Me!

This post is late because, well, life happens and I didn’t have enough time to write it. My birthday was on the 15th of November, but here it is now.

This was one of the most precious and bitter sweet birthdays of all. I’m with my best friend; which is absolutely amazing and I’m having the time of my life. But I’m away from my little munchkin and that hurts my heart. I miss her dearly, even though we’ve been talking and FaceTiming every day.

This past year has been quite the year! I took a major decision that will alter mine and Nid’s lives forever; Insha’Allah for the better. I have lost many friends and family this year, however have gained some as well. The people I never thought I would cut out of my life have been cut out and the people I would have never thought would become some of the dearest people to me have become just that.

I travelled during this pandemic. I got to see a country I could have never imagined that I would see but I did and it was absolutely amazing!

Corona has brought the world to it’s knees and made all of us appreciate and realize what the importance of life is. It gave me a chance to spend so much time with my little pumpkin and have so many lazy, yet fun times at home with her. We spent endless days on the balcony, we went for walks, ate a ton of junk food and laughed and cried through this pandemic. It scares the hell out of me to think of how many people have lost loved ones this year but Alhamdullilah, I am not one of them. I honestly pray for our world. I pray no one loses a loved one to this virus. I pray we all make it out in one piece after this all over with a better appreciation of everything we have that we’ve all taken for granted. Insha’Allah it will all be over soon and life will return to some sort of normalcy in 2021.

As for my birthday, like I mentioned, I spent it with my best friend and some friends that have become like brothers to me. I was surprised with the perfect piece of chocolate cake, roses, and a custom made, hand drawn picture of one of the most precious moments in my life. It was perfect. The only missing element was my little darling. But she sent me cute iMessages from her iPad and FaceTimed me to make my day even more special and perfect.

Insha’Allah the following year will be even more blessed than this one was. Thank you all for continuing to read about my adventures and life. I am so thankful for all of you. ❤️

~Tamana

Nid’s 8th Birthday Letter

Happy Birthday, Babygirl! ❤️🥳😘

What a year it has been! A lot has happened and a lot has changed. However, the most important thing is that we are healthy, safe and getting through everything together.

You have grown so much this past year. The older you get, the more your personality is developing and it is amazing to see what a beautiful person you are starting to become. Yes, we have had some issues with your listening skills. But I’m sure, those will improve as time goes by and you properly understand the importance of listening to your elders before making objections or complaining.

The coronavirus has left all of us stuck at home and locked up. I know, it’s been a boring summer and year overall and I also know that I promised to take you to Cuba for your and my birthday this year. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to because of all the lockdowns and the other things that are happening in our lives. But I promise, next year, if the coronavirus is gone, you and I will take a mommy-daughter trip somewhere hot and exotic.

To be honest, this year hasn’t been a complete waste as you have gained two very important people in your life; your god mother, Nene and your god father, Baba.

As you know, Nene has been a good friend of mine for the past couple of years, however, last year on my birthday, when me and her went out for lunch, I asked her to be your god mother and thankfully, she accepted. She’s a very kind and loving person and I know, she’ll spoil you with love whenever she can. God forbid something ever happens to me and I can’t be by your side, I promise, Nene will be there. The two of us together will forever hold your hands and guide you through life.

Your god father, whom you call Baba, has been my best friend 17 years and even though you haven’t physically met him yet, he loves you so much. Hopefully, next year, when this pandemic is over, he’ll come visit us or we’ll go visit him together and you can spend some time with him. When the time comes, you’ll realize how much fun you’re going to have with him and yes, he’ll even let you put makeup on him and do his hair in all funny ways. But for now, you can keep talking to him online and know that he will always be there for you, just like I am.

So, as you see, this year hasn’t been a complete waste. Plus, you and I have had lots of fun at home together. We’ve made tie-dye shirts, explored the paths in our area, cooked so many different breakfasts together, watched endless shows and movies and played so much Roblox.

I hope the year ahead is just as fun and exciting for you. I hope the challenges you are facing right now, turn into lessons and you gain wisdom from them. I want you to know that no matter what happens in your life, mommy will always be standing beside you to guide you every step of the way. I am your biggest supporter for everything you want to try and will help you whenever I can.

I love you so much, my darling, Nid. Happy 8th Birthday!

Love,

~Mommy

Product Review: Guerlain VoxBox from Influenster

I recently received the Guerlain Influenster Vox Box complimentary to try out. It consisted of an Anti-aging Toner, Foundation and Fragrance. I have been using all three for the past month or so and wanted to share my thoughts on each product.

This fragrance smells like pure bliss! It’s a fruity, mild scent, however, lasts all day. Due to my sensitivity to fragrance and asthma, I spray very little behind my ears and on my wrists but it is more than enough to make you smell absolutely amazing and refreshed. Every time I have worn it, I have received tons of compliments. I would definitely purchase it, although the price is quite high ($92 CAD on Sephora.ca)

L’Essentiel – Natural Glow Foundation

This is my new favourite foundation! I do not usually wear foundation, however, I decided to use this complimentary one and give it a try. I have to say, my skin looked absolutely flawless. The colour matched my skin perfectly and the foundation itself made my skin look healthy and radiant.

I have very dry and sensitive skin, which is why I have to be careful with what I put on my face. This foundation didn’t leave my skin feeling dry, tight or flaky. It stayed out all day, just as advertised and was easy to apply and blend.

I would definitely purchase this again. The price is steep; however, a small amount goes a long way and blends exceptionally well. ($67 CAD at Sephora.ca)

Abeille Royals Anti-aging Lotion Toner

This toner smells amazing! I wish there was a fragrance with this same scent; it would become my staple scent!

I have been using this complimentary toner for just about a month and I cannot say I am disappointed by it. It has kept my skin looking radiant, hydrated and feeling soft. I have not noticed much difference with my fine lines or wrinkles, however, I still love using it because of the way it smells and makes my skin look and feel.

I probably will not be purchasing it as the price is quite high and I didn’t see any reduction in my wrinkles or fine lines. However, I would recommend it for the smell, texture and the way of made my skin look refreshed. ($90 CAD at Sephora.ca)

I am so thankful to Influenster and Guerlain for giving me the opportunity for trying these products. They are high quality and every time I used the foundation or fragrance, I received tons of compliments and I would recommend both items.

Happy thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope you and your family are doing great today and are enjoying this weekend together.

Our lives are made up of the people that surround us; whether they’re family or friends. Without these people we wouldn’t be able to get through the challenges or blessings this life puts us through.

These are my people and I am so blessed for each and every one of them. I wanted to shout out these darling souls that are in my life, that put up with all of my crap, that make me a better person with each of their unique ways of loving me.

I want to say thank you to each and every single one of them for everything they do for me, for the support they give me, for the love they’ve shown me and for taking care of me throughout my life. Without all of you, I wouldn’t be where I am today. So all I can say is thank you so much for being a part of my world. I pray to Allah that you are forever happy and as loved as you all make me feel.

~Tamana

Quick Vent About Covid-19

I haven’t written for a while. Honestly, I don’t have much to write about these days. Life is going as it should. Nothing new has happened, plus, I haven’t felt like writing lately.

With wave two of coronavirus now on the rise, I am annoyed by people’s lack of concern for the virus. Canada has had a pretty good hold on the number of cases and preventing it from spreading. However, people have started letting their guards down; which has resulted in a surge of cases here.

It’s absolutely annoying because now there are discussions of limiting gatherings and the potential for another lockdown. Ugh!

Also, schools opened up in Ontario over the past two weeks and already there have been over 20 reports of children and teachers being diagnosed with the virus. It’s scary thinking about the little children getting it. Although, I know that many children only have mild symptoms if any at all. It is still scary to think about though, especially being a mother myself.

I have decided to keep Nid at home and let her do virtual schooling. However, that has proven to be a complete clusterfuck so far as her school board hasn’t been able to hire enough teachers. So, for now she is independently learning; which is making me want to pull my hair out. I can honestly say, I have a new found respect and appreciation for teachers and we’re only on day two of virtual learning. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I hope the school board hires enough teachers as soon as possible. I feel like Nid is beginning to forget things having been out of school for so long.

Well, my darlings, that’s all from me right now. Thanks for hearing me vent it out. I’m sure many of you are annoyed as well with situations occurring in your cities and countries. However, I pray you’re all taking all the necessary precautions and keeping yourselves and your loved ones safe. 🙏🏼

~Tamana

Say Alhamdullilah (Give Thanks)

Sometimes we pray and wish for something to happen. We yearn and beg the Lord and universe to give us what our heart deeply desires and they say, if your prayers are pure enough, they will be heard and fulfilled. We literally manifest it into our reality.

What happens once we’ve received it? Do we realize that the thing we were begging for, praying for, spent endless nights crying for has finally become ours? Many people don’t realize when their wishes and prayers have been answered because that is human nature; we wish for one thing, get it and immediately start wishing for the next. It’s like we’re in a constant rat race to keep going, keep wanting more and more. Our needs and desires are never fulfilled. There’s always just a little more we want.

How about we stop for a minute, breath in all of our dreams and wishes and exhale the constant need for wanting more. How about we stand still in the moment, look thoroughly around us, inhale again deep until the air hurts your stomach and lungs and realize how many needs, wants, dreams, wishes and prayers have been answered as we exhale. And as you exhale, you will realize how much you have already received. You will realize you are living in the reality of one of your dreams/prayers. You will realize there was something you wanted a while ago which you never thought would manifest but here you are in the reality of it manifesting right in front of your eyes. It might not be perfect. It might not be planned out to every little detail that you had imagined. But it’s here, this moment: it was what you asked the universe and Lord for and they’ve delivered. You’ve received it.

Now stop for a second and say Alhamdullilah (thank you Allah). Say it again and again until tears flow down your face because He answered your prayers and heard your cries. He gave you everything you’ve ever wanted. So, stop for a moment, look around you and then above and say thank you for everything. Show your gratitude so that you can be blessed with even more.

We are always in a rush to jump to the next thing that we forget to “stop to smell the roses”, or to appreciate and give thanks for all we have. It’s important to have needs and wants, but it is also important to acknowledge them once you’ve received them.

So, today, I say Alhamdullilah a million times for all I have, for all I have been given and for all I will receive.

Standing Still With Anxiety Attacks

It seems like nowadays I am just standing still but the world around me is moving so fast. I feel like nothing is happening. I feel like I am right where I was six months ago. I feel like nothing has changed; however, deep down inside of me I know a lot has changed.

I know I am not standing still. I know I am moving forward. I know the little changes and the little mindsets that I have set for myself are doing things and improving the quality of my life. However, I do not see the results as quickly as I had hoped I would.

Many things have happened over the past several months. Unfortunately, I am not yet ready to openly discuss them. However, situations have occurred and are occurring. But this feeling of being stuck is what is causing me despair and anxiety.

Since last October, after my trip to Malaysia and Phuket, I developed anxiety attacks. At first, I didn’t understand what was happening to me or how to deal with them. Over the past nine months the attacks have increased in frequency and intensity.

I have always been the type of person to control my emotions and handle my depression and like my depression I thought I was handling these attacks (that is, once I figured out what they were). But a month or so ago, I was in crisis. I had one of the worst anxiety attacks and moments of weakness I have ever endured. No matter what I tried, nothing helped; I wrote, I did breathing exercises, I took a cool shower, I ate a light meal and drank tons of water, I even meditated and prayed.

Nothing worked and it so happened that at my weakest moment, I remembered a girlfriend had dealt with anxiety and panic attacks in the past. I messaged her and thankfully she responded quickly. After I explained to her how I was feeling and what I was going through, she identified my so-called weakness as anxiety attacks and stayed on the phone with me until I calmed down. She advised me to speak to my physician and get help as soon as possible and I did just that.

I called my physician’s office first thing the next morning and explained to him what I had been going through and the events of the night before. He too diagnosed my behaviour and symptoms as anxiety attacks and prescribed anti-anxiety pills to help ease the emotions and symptoms and antidepressants for ongoing use, along with a follow-up psychiatric assessment as soon as the lockdown was over.

It has been about four weeks since all of this took place and I am still waiting for the psychiatric assessment. In the meantime, I have been taking the medication prescribed to me. I personally didn’t take notice to my mood, feelings or behaviour changing over the past four weeks.

My daughter, on the other hand, did. She noticed a huge difference in my mood, in the tone of my voice and in my behaviour. I remember, we were sitting in the balcony listening to music while she blew bubbles. She suddenly stopped and turned to me and stated, “Mom, you seem happier nowadays!”

I couldn’t believe it. My seven-year old immediately picked up on the changes I myself hadn’t taken notice to. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was feeling happier, less stressed, angry or upset lately. I noticed I was getting out of bed more often and even taking her for daily walks and making plans for fun activities. Five months of misery and depression had finally started to fade away.

I am so grateful for that girlfriend, who stayed with me during my crisis and quickly identified my issues. I am so grateful for that physician who asked all the right questions and didn’t rush me off the phone or dismissed my symptoms. I am so grateful that medications like these exist to help people immediately deal with their crisis’s.

I know, I am not completely cured and still have a lot of psychological issues that need to be dealt with. In due time, I will seek the help I need from a psychiatrist. However, for the moment, I have to say Alhamdullilah for getting the urgent help I needed during my time of need.

I normally don’t give advise, however, if you or a loved one is feeling anxious, uneasy, depressed, suicidal or are in crisis, please seek help from loved ones and professionals; from a first hand experience, I promise you, it will be worth it. Please don’t let the stigma about mental health stop you from getting the help you need. Life is too precious to let our demons take over us and win.

a stubborn desire…

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