Feeling Ugly

When I look at people around me; at work, on the streets, in the car next to me, I wonder…how do these people keep themselves looking so perfect? I know that everyone has their flaws and dislikes about themselves. But lately, it seems like there are just too many beautiful people around me.

I know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that beauty comes from the inside. But I am strictly speaking of appearance and nothing else. These people around me are not celebrities or even stunning. But they are beautiful. The grace with which they walk, talk and carry themselves is absolutely beautiful.

And I am jealous! There I said it. I’m jealous, jealous, jealous!

When I look at myself in the mirror, I do not see beauty. I see dry, scaly skin. Thinned out, outdated hair. Fat, disgusting curves and clothes that just don’t fit properly. No matter how hard I try to give myself facials and keep my hands and feet looking neat and clean, I don’t look beautiful. No matter how hard I try to dress well, my clothes just don’t seem to look right.

Yes, I can keep buying clothes to “try” to make myself look professional and thin. And yes, I can keep “trying” to lose weight and eat the proper foods. And yes, I can keep “trying” to apply the right amount of moisturizer and make up to make my face look flawless. But nothing seems to help. By the time I get to work or wherever I am supposed to be going, my face, clothes, skin just look terrible.

So, what do I do? How do I make myself look beautiful? How much more money do I waste on looking beautiful!

I am becoming hopeless. I feel ugly today. 😦

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