Wish I'd been more selfish

A few months ago I had put in M’s resume for a job at my current employer. The person in charge of accepting the resumes for the specific position we were submitting it for is someone I have worked with before. So, as a favor to me, he got M an interview. Vie did well during the interview but didn’t hear back from my company.

But then yesterday, my friend came up to me to ask me whether my BF was still looking for work. My response, “my EX-boyfriend, you mean?”. He said “Oh, never mind then”. But then he told me to think about it and give him an answer first thing this morning.

I tossed and turned all night. It drove me insane. You know, M hasn’t been the nicest person to me over the past few weeks and well we broke up. So, I was torn between niceness and telling my friend to NOT give Vie the job. But the nicer person inside me remembered how I felt when I was unemployed for almost 2 years and how good I felt to finally get a job.

So, I let the nice person inside me jump above the selfishness and I said yes to my friend this morning. I called M to let him know he might get the call. But after hanging up with him, my friend called back to say he couldn’t do that to me and was not going to hire M. I sort of insisted and pleaded to just give him the job and not worry about how I would feel with him working here. After a lot of convincing, he finally said ok and passed over M’s contact information to the hiring manager.

Later this morning, M got a call to come in for the job at the beginning of September. They let him know his salary, hours and duration of the contract. He agreed and called me after hanging up with the manager.

He told me he got the job. But sadly, he wasn’t excited how I had hoped he would have been. Or maybe he just didn’t want to show me his excitement. I thought he would’ve been more appreciative or happy about it, but he wasn’t.

I wish I could have been selfish this time and not cared about him or what he was going through. I wish I didn’t hope to hear his excitement after getting the job. I wish I could have just told my friend to throw away his resume. But I can’t and I couldn’t. It’s not in me. Well, at least not when it comes to M, even though he could care less about me. 😦

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