What a beautiful way to express what the heart truly desires. This is my status on my Facebook wall. I am hoping “he” has read it and realized what I am trying to say. I am sure he has and does. But he’ll never admit it or say anything in return.
Last night, I said “I love you” and the asshat’s response was: “Baby, I want to go eat Dosa tomorrow.” Sigh! I laughed it off. But it pinches slightly at your heart. I don’t want to force him into saying something he doesn’t mean. But I wish he would say something, anything at all.
Then, right before he dozed off, I said, “Can I ask you a questions?” He said, “yes.” So, I said, “if I tell you that I want to spend the rest of my life with you and make you part of my family, will you say you want to eat Dosa tomorrow?” And he replied, “no.” But that was it. Dead silence after that and then we both dozed off.
I tossed and turned the rest of the night. He was fast asleep. I don’t blame him. I know he was tired. I know he’s not there yet. I know I’m probably getting ahead of myself. But I couldn’t help it. When I woke up yesterday morning, I rolled over and stuffed my face in my pillow. All I could smell was his cologne on my pillow. I inhaled and realized how much I missed him not being there with me first thing in the morning. I realized how much I missed having his arms around me when I fell asleep and then awoke. I was going to text him right then and ask him to marry me. (Yes, I’m that crazy. But you should know that by now if you’ve read my blog long enough.)
Don’t worry, though; I didn’t. I just sent him a message telling him that he was the first thought of my morning and that I realized that I’m missing him. He didn’t respond. He seldom does to messages like that. I’ve become accustomed to it. I guess, he just doesn’t know how to react to it. Or maybe it’s taking him so long to decide about me because he’s not over his ex.
With the type of songs he likes listening to, definitely seems like he’s not over her or he thinks about her often. I don’t know how I feel about that. What I do know is that I’m not madly, crazily in love with him. I’m not infatuated with him. The sexual chemistry doesn’t drive me insane. I don’t miss him every moment of every day. It’s a different type of feeling.
But, I love him. I want him to come home to me every night. I want him to wake up to and with me every morning. I want to be the one that takes care of him. I want to be the one he’s excited to tell his joys and successes to. I want to be the one he jokingly play fights with and tickles and laughs hysterically with. I want him and I need him. And I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I just want the rest of my life to start NOW!