The Rest of My Life

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone; you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

What a beautiful way to express what the heart truly desires. This is my status on my Facebook wall. I am hoping “he” has read it and realized what I am trying to say. I am sure he has and does. But he’ll never admit it or say anything in return.

Last night, I said “I love you” and the asshat’s response was: “Baby, I want to go eat Dosa tomorrow.” Sigh! I laughed it off. But it pinches slightly at your heart. I don’t want to force him into saying something he doesn’t mean. But I wish he would say something, anything at all.

Then, right before he dozed off, I said, “Can I ask you a questions?” He said, “yes.” So, I said, “if I tell you that I want to spend the rest of my life with you and make you part of my family, will you say you want to eat Dosa tomorrow?” And he replied, “no.” But that was it. Dead silence after that and then we both dozed off.

I tossed and turned the rest of the night. He was fast asleep. I don’t blame him. I know he was tired. I know he’s not there yet. I know I’m probably getting ahead of myself. But I couldn’t help it. When I woke up yesterday morning, I rolled over and stuffed my face in my pillow. All I could smell was his cologne on my pillow. I inhaled and realized how much I missed him not being there with me first thing in the morning. I realized how much I missed having his arms around me when I fell asleep and then awoke. I was going to text him right then and ask him to marry me. (Yes, I’m that crazy. But you should know that by now if you’ve read my blog long enough.)

Don’t worry, though; I didn’t. I just sent him a message telling him that he was the first thought of my morning and that I realized that I’m missing him. He didn’t respond. He seldom does to messages like that. I’ve become accustomed to it. I guess, he just doesn’t know how to react to it. Or maybe it’s taking him so long to decide about me because he’s not over his ex.

With the type of songs he likes listening to, definitely seems like he’s not over her or he thinks about her often. I don’t know how I feel about that. What I do know is that I’m not madly, crazily in love with him. I’m not infatuated with him. The sexual chemistry doesn’t drive me insane. I don’t miss him every moment of every day. It’s a different type of feeling.

But, I love him. I want him to come home to me every night. I want him to wake up to and with me every morning. I want to be the one that takes care of him. I want to be the one he’s excited to tell his joys and successes to. I want to be the one he jokingly play fights with and tickles and laughs hysterically with. I want him and I need him. And I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I just want the rest of my life to start NOW!

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “The Rest of My Life”

  1. Hey girly. I just have a few words for you. I know this is an old blog and I’m not sure where u are in life now, but I just want to say that love should come naturally and easy. It shouldn’t be tough, and it shouldn’t be something you worry about. Maybe he’s not there yet, but you have to be patient. All those things you said you “want to be”, you should already be doing, and if not, be patient. Good luck.

    Like

    1. Hi Jennifer,

      Thanks for the response. Yes that post was extremely old. I’ve found the love of my life and am married to him and also gave birth to the cutest little angel 8 months ago.

      But I do thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to think of me. Read my about page for my full update.

      Thanks again.

      Xoxox

      Tamana

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s