I know I owe you all an explanation for not writing lately and then breaking down yesterday in a post that explained so much of what’s been going on inside me.
To be honest, I’ve been in my own little world these past few days. Things are going smoothly all around. Well, there’s no drama lately. But I’ve done a lot of thinking about what I want 2011 to be for me. The more I think about it, the more it feels like things are taking forever to happen. Maybe I’m just anxious to get a move on. Maybe its that everyone’s life around me is changing significantly and I’m feeling like my feet are grounded.
I’ve come to a couple of conclusions. First and most important, I want to be married this year. I know marriage is a life-long commitment. I know it shouldn’t be rushed and I should try to find the right partner to take on this journey. However, not having someone around if not all but most of the time is a little depressing. Yes, I have a boyfriend who’s over most nights. We have a weird married-couple type of relationship. Except, we aren’t married and he makes that very clear. But expects me to do the things that a wife would do for her husband. It’s weird. It’s confusing and leaves me wondering why the heck we don’t just get married. I mean, most of the time we act the part.
Anyway, that’s a whole different post in it self. But I do want to be married this year. I’m not going to rush it. I’m not going to push “him” into it either. And hell no, I am not going to get into another arranged marriage. However, if by the end of 2011 I am not married, I might put that thought on the back-burner and just focus completely on my career for the next few years.
My career is another major thought on my mind. I have a good job right now with a good, reputable employer. However, I’m a little bored with my daily routine. I used to love doing what I did. Somewhere, I still do like it. But its become a little tedious. Maybe I need a change. Maybe a part-time job would suffice the disconnect I’m feeling with this job. But believe me, part-time jobs are hard to find today. Meh…I’m looking though. No one seems to want to hire me though. 😦
Lastly, I’ve realized that eventually down the road, I want to be known for my writing. There is a lot going on in the world right now that not too many people have the balls to write about. So, I want to write about it. But I’m a little nervous. You see, I’m not a professional writer. I speak my mind when I write. I put all my emotions into my writing (at least most of the time). Most of the time, when I’m writing about something I truly believe in, I’m intense, bold and I normally don’t care about what anyone reading is going to think about my work.
However, with the political controversies and violence erupting around the world, I do need to be a little cautious. I’ve been following a few writers that are as intense and bold as I can be and I’ve seen the criticism and hostile comments they’ve gotten. But I wonder, when do you stop caring what other people think or say about you voicing your opinion?
Anyway, that’s pretty much the reason I haven’t posted lately. I don’t want to just talk about relationships anymore. There is so much more going on in the world. Relationships will always be around. But on the flip side so will world issues. I just think I can really broaden my thought of mind by getting into world issues as well.
What do you think? Stick to relationships ONLY or write about both?