With You (about us)

I don’t have a title for this poem/shayr. It is just something that came to me while sitting beside D, looking at him and feeling how I feel at this very moment.

Tere kadmon ke saath chalte humme lagha humme humari manzil mil jaye gi.
Teri bahoin ke darmiyan socha humme humari janat mil jaye gi.
Aankhon main teri dekh kar lagha humme humari tasveer mil jaye gi.
Na manzil thi aahs paas.
Na janat huwi nasib.
Teri bahon se gir ke na dikhi humme apni tasveer.
Kuch tera bhi kasoor nahi tha. Kuch hum bhi kasoorvar nahi teh.
Na jaane kyun phir tujse, kuch khudh se shikway karne laghe.

Of course, I’ll translate for my dear readers who cannot understand my Hindi.

Walking beside you, I thought I’d find my destination.
Lying in your arms, I thought I’d find my heaven.
Looking into your eyes, I thought I’d find my face there.
But there was no destination nearby.
There was no heaven.
When I fell from your arms, I realized my face wasn’t in your eyes either.
Partially it’s not your fault. Partially it wasn’t my fault either.
But for some reason, I hold you responsible for how I feel.

I know in English this poem sounds very harsh. The situation isn’t as harsh as it seems. But today, I feel as though my heart is slowly starting to realize what my mind had told me all along.

You see, sometimes, we find information that wasn’t for us to know. But we find it anyway. We cannot face nor disclose that we know this information because we weren’t supposed to know about it in the first place. Along with that, we aren’t even sure if it’s completely true or not. But the fact that it has been shown to us seems so true, we cannot help but feel hurt and a bit broken by finding it out.

Maybe I’m just tipsy and my mind is all over the place. Maybe my mind is just messing around with me. Whatever the reason is, there’s a reason I’m feeling the way I’m feeling at this moment.

Anyway, time for bed. Good night, lovies!

~Tamana

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