My Real Age vs. the Age I Feel

I would definitely think that I feel older than I really am.

Why? Hmm. I grew up before it was my time. Family obligations caused me to lose a part of my youth. Then when I was older, I kept acting older than I was. I had to be the mature one. I am the youngest of three children in my family but probably the most responsible and most reliable. I don’t want to toot my own horn but it’s true. Even till this day, my parents come to me for help or favors and tell me all of their deepest-darkest secrets. I know my parents can rely on me and I know they know that I would never let them down. So, I keep acting older. Hence, I keep feeling older.

I do believe though, that because I act old, psychologically, my body and mind have started to feel and act older. If I think about my body, I’d say I feel as if I’m at least 35 years old and my mind is definitely not in its late 20s.

The older I get, the more responsibilities are being put on my shoulders. I don’t have time to be young or at least my age anymore.

It does suck sometimes. Especially, when I see people my age having fun, being carefree and just enjoying themselves. And I won’t say I’m all serious, old and mature all the time. I have my moments when I’m just a silly, little girl. But I do wish there were more moments like those.

I guess at the end of the day, my age doesn’t really matter or how old or young I feel or act. For me, what matters more is the acknowledgment that I was a good daughter, a good sister, a good girlfriend, a good aunt and friend and that I fulfilled my duties. I’m not a wife yet, well officially, but once I am then my role will be even further extended to being a good wife and eventually a good mother, grandmother, etc.

The funny thing is that I sometimes tease D that he’s got a ‘free’ wife without even being married. But the sad reality is that I just don’t know how to be a girlfriend anymore. I guess, the conclusion to all of this is that my past and obligations have turned me into a mother-figure before it’s time.

It’s not so bad. Just wish, I was out and about traveling and exploring the world too, like so many others my age.

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