Vivah…Marriage

In India marriage is one of the most important times in a girl’s life.  Probably not just India but every where around the world.  However, the significance of marriage in India is probably stronger than anywhere else in the world.  If you are the father of the bride-to-be, than this burden on your head to make sure the husband your daughter finds or the one you find for her is good, not just good but exceptional.  After you find this man; your son-in-law to be, a whole new set of responsibilities and burdens arise on your shoulders.

The marriage ceremony in India, especially for the father-of-the-bride can become extremely expensive and can take up almost everything he has worked for his entire life.  Then after the marriage there are several traditions that need to be fulfilled.  With each tradition comes more expenses.  But the expenses aren’t what I want to talk about today. It’s that burden a father feels to find that perfect groom for his daughter that is the real topic of discussion on my mind.

We all know our fathers mean well.  We know that they have our best interests at heart and are just making sure that when we settle down, we settle down with the right guy.  But sometimes our fathers forget to ask us about where our happiness lies.  They forget to realize that we have hearts and minds and may possibly have someone of interest in mind.  Most of us Indian girls just stay quiet in front of our father’s decisions.  We have been taught not to disobey him and to honor every decision he makes as if it was a decision made by God.

We sacrifice our desires and hearts for our father’s honor.  But a lot of the time the sad reality is that they don’t even bother to look once deep into our eyes to feel or even get to know what we are feeling.  After we leave our father’s house and are either on our own or with our husbands in their homes then that same desire is felt to have him just look once deep into our eyes to understand what our mouth cannot disclose.

Today I am standing in the middle.  On one side I find my father.  This man I have loved all my life and honored and respected as if he was my God after the Almighty.  Sure, we’ve had our ups and downs.  Sure, we’ve fought a million battles against each other.  But neither has dishonored the duty we have for one another.

On the other side of me stands a man who I am in love with.  This man makes me smile when joy seems too distant from my reality.  This man makes my face glow when my self-esteem is battered.  This man holds me when my eyes well-up with tears.  This man is the man I see myself growing old with.  This man is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and every life after this life with.

But as I look side-to-side at each one of them, I realize that neither one of them understands what I am feeling at this moment.  Neither one of them has taken that time to look into my eyes today and see how many tears are surfacing.  Neither one of them has bothered to ask me what I want, what I’m thinking, what my heart desires.

And now I stand in the middle not knowing which way my life will turn.  I don’t know who will pull harder.  I don’t know whose decision will change my life and who’s will break my heart.  And I cannot say anymore to either of them at this point as I have already said enough.

To be continued…

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