When someone becomes dear to me, I give them my all. I exceed every expectation that person could have of me. I treat them with the same degree of respect and love as I would like to be treated with. When someone enters my life, if they are there to stay and become so very important to me, I go out of my way to take care of them. I put their needs, requirements and desires before my own.
That is the sole reason I feel as if I’m being taken for granted most of the time. I am a giver. I give and give and give. I am an extremist. My love, my care, my attention towards them is extreme. But is all this reciprocated? Rarely.
Lately, I have felt that I don’t matter much. I’ve felt that my desires, needs and requirements aren’t taken into consideration with the importance they should be. I have felt as if I’m talking to a wall. What I say doesn’t seem to get heard and if it is heard; it doesn’t matter.
And I wonder, don’t I deserve more? Don’t I deserve to be loved to the extreme? To be taken care of with the utmost attention and concern? Don’t I deserve to have my expectations at least fulfilled if not exceeded? Shouldn’t my love be reciprocated?
Yes, it should!
I have high expectations because I fulfill high expectations. Then why is it so hard to have my expectations fulfilled?
I am beginning to change. I am starting to not care anymore. I’ve given my all and then some. But I do not see it reciprocated. I do not see it acknowledged. I do not see it appreciated. Maybe I am becoming heartless. No not heartless. Conscious. I am beginning to realize the way people are. You see, when you are a giver you will seem to mostly meet takers. Very rarely will you ever find givers. I seem to be in that dilemma.
I know they say when you give, eventually you too will get as well. The question is when? When will it be my turn to be the taker? I know I deserve more. I know the value of me. Yet I cannot seem to stop giving. These people, they take and take from me and give barely anything in return. And I’m tired of waiting. I cannot cut loose and I cannot forget. So what the heck do I do? Where do I find my peace? My love? My desires? Where do I find what I need?
Anyone out there reading this? Anyone have any suggestions?