Don’t I Deserve More?

When someone becomes dear to me, I give them my all. I exceed every expectation that person could have of me. I treat them with the same degree of respect and love as I would like to be treated with. When someone enters my life, if they are there to stay and become so very important to me, I go out of my way to take care of them. I put their needs, requirements and desires before my own.

That is the sole reason I feel as if I’m being taken for granted most of the time. I am a giver. I give and give and give. I am an extremist. My love, my care, my attention towards them is extreme. But is all this reciprocated? Rarely.

Lately, I have felt that I don’t matter much. I’ve felt that my desires, needs and requirements aren’t taken into consideration with the importance they should be. I have felt as if I’m talking to a wall. What I say doesn’t seem to get heard and if it is heard; it doesn’t matter.

And I wonder, don’t I deserve more? Don’t I deserve to be loved to the extreme? To be taken care of with the utmost attention and concern? Don’t I deserve to have my expectations at least fulfilled if not exceeded? Shouldn’t my love be reciprocated?

Yes, it should!

I have high expectations because I fulfill high expectations. Then why is it so hard to have my expectations fulfilled?

I am beginning to change. I am starting to not care anymore. I’ve given my all and then some. But I do not see it reciprocated. I do not see it acknowledged. I do not see it appreciated. Maybe I am becoming heartless. No not heartless. Conscious. I am beginning to realize the way people are. You see, when you are a giver you will seem to mostly meet takers. Very rarely will you ever find givers. I seem to be in that dilemma.

I know they say when you give, eventually you too will get as well. The question is when? When will it be my turn to be the taker? I know I deserve more. I know the value of me. Yet I cannot seem to stop giving. These people, they take and take from me and give barely anything in return. And I’m tired of waiting. I cannot cut loose and I cannot forget. So what the heck do I do? Where do I find my peace? My love? My desires? Where do I find what I need?

Anyone out there reading this? Anyone have any suggestions?

~Tamana

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4 thoughts on “Don’t I Deserve More?”

  1. I too find myself as a giver towards people and find it almost never being reciprocated back around. It’s so hard to deal with sometimes. To sacrifice your time, energy, and your heart in order to help someone and when life falls apart and they’re not there, it really hurts. It’s extremely difficult not to harden your heart and not to allow it to travel down the path of bitterness, but as I’ve learned, that’s the part you have to fight for more than anything else. The world needs more people like you. You are a true gift to people. You, by your example, teach people what it really means to love through practical application. Don’t let that be stripped away from you! NEVER LOSE THAT! That’s the battle we fight. You do deserve more! You are worth so much than what you get back. Know that. I see it.

    My suggestion to you is to identify those who are the biggest takers in your life and start giving a little less to them. Don’t allow them to take from you until your empty and then some. You can’t handle that. No one can. But also, don’t be afraid to give to those who really need it. That’s why people like us are here, to help those who really need it by truly being there for them. It’s just the way I see it and understand it. It’s not easy being a giver. Like you said, it seems as though we always find the takers. There’s a season for giving solely to someone and not getting anything back, but if they are true friends then it will be returned.

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    1. Thank you for your suggestions and comments.

      You’re right. Because of who I am I probably cannot stop giving to the ones I love, regardless if they’re worthy or not. Unfortunately though, I cannot limit it either. You see, I believe that if you love or do anything for that matter, you should do it wholeheartedly, otherwise there’s no point doing it. I don’t believe on limitations in love. It’s not love if there are conditions or limitations.

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  2. Oh my goodness, when I read this, it seriously felt like someone was reading my mind. You wrote this so well and I can totally relate! I hope you don’t mind but I quoted you on my blog [http://berni-love.tumblr.com] because I loved this so much.

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