I know I haven’t written in a few days. Besides being over-worked and exhausted, I’ve also been running from putting my feelings out there into the universe. So much is going on in my world and with me in general, that I’m procrastinating to wrap my head around it all.
I feel as if I’m drowning in debt and depression. Debt caused by stupidity and depression caused by my debt and then some. I don’t know where to turn, which path to take or how to find the fix too all this. I am stuck. Yes, again!
Right when I start to feel like things are starting to get better it all just goes to hell all over again. The depression of being in this rut is eating at me. Besides the lack of iron, I think the stress is also causing my hair to fall out. That’s another pressing point for me.
But right when I thought that I had begin coping with that, D got into a car accident. He’s fine, thank goodness. But I can’t seem to stop thinking about the incident and having his trashed car parked right outside my balcony doesn’t help either. Then something happened this week; which I cannot disclose in detail. However, the disappointment had shattered the little bit of hope I had left in me.
Although, the last disappointment will be rectified, hopefully sooner than later, the disappointment of the situation has yet to evade me. And now I’m walking around, putting on a cheerful, energetic smile when the situation calls for it. But it’s all fake. I am not happy. I am sad. Very depressed and slowly breaking down. I try my hardest to keep my mind occupied to avoid thinking about it all. However am unsuccessful every step along the way.
I cannot continue to write. My mind won’t focus any further. You needed to know what was going on, there you have it. I must stop now.