Losing Myself

Have you ever felt like you were losing yourself? As if the being you are somehow began to escape you? Like you became so obsessed with something or someone that everything else seemed irrelevant? You try to divert your mind and thoughts towards other things but you can’t seem to stop thinking about that one specific thing or person?

Lately, no matter where my mind should be it remains on this one specific thing. I just can’t stop myself from thinking about it. I seem to be becoming obsessed with this topic. When it’s inaccessible I become irritated and anxious. Maybe it’s the long hours of loneliness I endure on a daily basis. Maybe there’s something wrong with me. Maybe I’m sick, like mentally becoming sick. Or maybe I’m adapting some sort of obsessive compulsive behavior.

I don’t know. My loneliness is eating at me. There are too many hours of doing nothing in the day and not enough hours in the night to sleep and shut my mind off. I thought with my Mother’s return things would change. But they haven’t. I went to see her, spent an hour with her and then came home. At home, I dwell on my obsession trying to pass the hours.

My mind will not rest. My anxiety will not go away. I am stranded on an island in my mind surrounded by this thing that will not go away. I don’t want it to go away. I just need the thoughts of it to go away, so that I may focus my energy on other things.

Have you ever felt this way? How did you deal with it? Help me find a way out of my obsession, leave your suggestions. I’m sure they’ll help somewhere along the way.

Lost,

Tamana

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