Giving Too Much Of Myself

I’ve written about this before. I’ve felt this way before. But today I seem to be back in that moment again.

You see, there are givers. These people give and give and give. They don’t give to gain anything out of giving. But somewhere in their minds or hearts they hope to receive equal amounts of what they give. It’s human nature to expect to gain when you give. And so, these people give themselves to others until they are drained and have no more to give.

Then there are the receivers. These people take whatever they can get their hands on. They don’t think to return any of what they’ve received. It’s just not in their mind set to give.

I am a giver. I’ve given myself to certain people. I’ve given and given and given until now, when I’m running dry. I dot have anymore of myself to give. I seem to gain anything back. And I’m frustrated and torn that these people can take so much of me from me and barely share themselves. I’m saddened that I expected equality in these relationships. But they’ve never thought of making me an equal partner.

For the longest while, part of me thought, if you someone your whole self, they’ll give themselves to you in return. But I’m learning this isn’t true. You can ask, you can beg, you can hope. Unless they feel the same, you won’t get anything.

So, what do I do? Do I just give up and let these relationships wash away? Do I stop giving myself and become a taker? Or do I remain as the giver and hope I’ll gain mutuality? Wouldn’t that turn me into a doormat? What do I do?

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9 thoughts on “Giving Too Much Of Myself”

  1. I’ve had the song problem. I give too much of myself to people i think and consider my “good friends” but then it just always blows up in my face. I feel like i cant trust anybody now because ive given too much of myself to them. Like right now, I made a new friend and she seemed very very nice and confident and she considered me her younger sister and she was my older sister. (Shes a Sophmore, im a Freshman) I began to tell her everything.. And the next thing i knew, she started avoiding me.. She wasnt talking to me anymore and i felt alone cuz i called her my sister. I cant believe i trusted so many people only to get my heart broken. But lesson learned.. NEVER give too much of yourself to people you barely know/knew.

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    1. I trust people. But with a grain of salt. I don’t have much expectations from people anymore unless, I know how close they are to me and that those expectations will be fulfilled.

      Hang in there! It does get better, eventually. 🙂

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  2. Your post is exactly how I feel, often and especially now. I think part of my problem is that the way I give to people. I don’t like to make a big deal out of things, so they don’t realize how much effort I’m extending. Right now, I’m just trying to figure out what I need and how to replenish myself so I’m not empty.

    Sometimes I wonder if it would be better to keep my distance from people and not get sooo involved. But when I first meet people, that’s my natural tendency.

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    1. Its not necessary to keep your distance from people, especially your loved ones. But the thing is, you have to make it know that you go out of your way for people and if they appreciate it then you have to stop giving so much of yourself to them. Most of the time, people don’t realize they’re taking someone for granted. But once you point it out, most people begin appreciating it.

      Hope it all works out for you! 🙂

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  3. Since wanting reciprocity in a relationship is “human nature”, I’ll bet everybody’s felt the pangs of imbalance in a relationship. Here’s what I’ve learned: people show love in different ways; people want love demonstrated in different ways. Some desire verbal love, others like to see actions. I think it’s important to know oneself; what type of love do you give? What type of love do you want others to show you?
    If you feel, after painstaking evaluation, that the relationship is not nurturing or benefiting you, then I think it is important to move on in one’s life. Love yourself as much as you love other people. Value yourself and have hope for a balanced relationship in which your loving demonstrations are appreciated and returned.
    Move slowly and cautiously, always reflecting on whether or not this new relationship is one in which you want to place an investment. Once you’ve found the right person, GO FOR IT! It might not be “forever”, but we have precious few days to live, and if we live with love in our lives, then those days are not wasted! And who knows, maybe this is the “one” for “forever”!

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    1. Hi Amanda,

      Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I absolutely agree with your thinking. But I have found the one, he just needs a little tweaking. 🙂 but we’re both working on our relationship together. I won’t change him because he is who I fell in love with in the first place. He just didn’t understand until now that I desired more. But he understands now and since he’s willing to work on improving the missing elements in our relationship I am happy and consider it a big step for him. And all I can do now is walk beside him as me makes more steps forward. 🙂

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  4. Find you a place of balance. A place where you can rest. Giving in itself is good, but giving when there is no restoration or replenishment is not good. Learn that you cannot be everything to everybody. While you were created to solve a problem, you were not created to solve every problem. And realize that it is okay to say “no.” Saying no does not make you less spiritual or a mean person. Saying no is often a positive affirmation in means of keeping your sanity and securing your own well being. Take a deep breath – exhale- and then say “no.” Now, it wasn’t that hard, was it?

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    1. Dearest Robin,
      Thank you for taking the time to comment. Your comment has left me touched and I feel this may as well be some of the best advice I’ve received in a very long time. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and help boost my confidence. xoxo
      Good bless and best wishes always,

      Tamana

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