Realizations

Lately, I’ve been emailing back and forth with another blogger. She has slowly become a friend. I’ve confided in her one of my secrets; which I haven’t mentioned to anyone else. She’s a sweet lady with crazy twist to her; which is probably why I like her and her blog so much.

Anyway, during our conversations, I realized something that I probably knew all along but just needed to put it out into the open for myself to understand it. Its weird how when we’re talking to someone and the words come out flogged our mouth we sudden realize and understand what our mind didn’t disclose to us before hand. When we’re confiding in a friend we realize major things about selves.

Have you ever experienced that? You know, that moment when words slip out of your mouth that you were oblivious to until they were spoken and you suddenly realize that you have a problem?

So, I have a problem. A problem that I cannot find a solution I like to. I’m sure the obvious solution would be quick but painful. However, it’s not something I can resort to. I just don’t have it in me to make such a drastic decision. The cost would be to big of a decision like that. But no reasonable solution is in sight either and so, I’m stuck in this mess.

This mess, this great big mess. This constant reminder that something is lacking in my life. That something which seems to be in reach is actually quite far away because there is no way of changing another human-being. So, I must remain in my mess and deal with the lingering thoughts and depression of being deprived in solitude.

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