I try and try and try but it seems pointless. I give my everything, my all. But it constantly proves to be pointless. Quite frankly, I’m done trying. I’m done trying to do the right thing. I’m done trying to make things work. I’m done trying to be hopeful. I’m done. Done. Done.
I feel like I’m constantly nagging, constantly begging, fighting, crying and pleading. But for what? What difference has all my energy proved? What has all my investment proven? What have I gained? Nothing! Days go by, I wait and wait and wait. For what? Nothing. Nothing happens. None of anything I say or do makes a difference. None of it.
I just don’t have it in me anymore. I can’t give anymore of myself into something that is dead and pointless. If it doesn’t make a difference to anyone else than why the heck am I bothering? Days go by and I am left begging, pleading an expecting. But nothing happens. So, why bother waiting for someone to catch on?
I realize something today, no matter how hard i try, it just won’t matter. It won’t make a difference. There will be no effect. It just doesn’t matter. So, I’m giving up. I’m not giving in to trying anymore. I’m not giving myself anymore. I’m not degrading myself anymore. Nope. No more. Not until I see a difference. And if I don’t see a difference, then things will fall apart, life will just go on as it would anyway; there just will be that one thing missing.
Missing. Life will be missing. A huge part of what I need and want will be missing. A huge part of me will disappear. I might disappear.
Goodnight. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Goodbye.