Losing My Mind

A few days ago I wrote a post about being horribly emotional and overwhelmed by the pregnancy. I asked my fellow readers if they had any suggestions on how I could cope with all of this. Sadly, though I received no replies. Which either means one of two things; my followers are no longer interested in reading my blog posts, hence have not responded or no one knows what to tell me to help me get through this emotional hell.

I’m not exactly sure which one of the two are the reason for not receiving any responses, all I know is that I am still stuck and have yet to find a way out. I feel like I’ve hit a new low lately. Lack of sleep, leg and back pain might contribute to all the depression and emotional ups and downs but I’ve tried everything to make things better and to feel better. Nothing seems to be working. Instead I find myself falling further and further into a depressed state of mind. With depression, anger, anxiety and stress contributing to my hell.

I keep telling myself that things will get better. I tell myself to wake up smiling and try to get over whatever it is that’s bothering me. I’ve even tried cheering myself up with some retail therapy and a mani-pedi. But nothing has worked. And lately it seems that D and I aren’t seeing eye to eye either. Matter-of-fact, we’re no longer even looking in the same direction as one another.

It’s probably all brought on by my craziness. But whatever the reason be, right now is one of the most important and toughest times of my life and I need him to just deal with whatever I am going through and acting like and hold my hand and be my support. I need him to be there for me right now, especially when I am feeling so low and unhappy. I’ve expressed this to him numerous times over the past few weeks but it seems I am just not getting through to him, that or he doesn’t care anymore.

I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know how to fix the gap between us. I don’t know how to find happiness in my heart anymore. I keep thinking of the angel that will soon bless me with her presence. But even that doesn’t bring the type of happiness to my heart as I am seeking. She is my happiness but I need more right now. I need my best friend, my husband to hold my hand and get me through this. He just doesn’t get it though.

So, I find myself stuck once again.

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4 thoughts on “Losing My Mind”

  1. Hi lovely, I just started following your blog via the depression tag on wordpress reader.
    I felt your pain. Pregnancy, for normal people is an emotional rollercoaster anyway, if you’ve had depression pre-pregnancy it can get worse.
    It DOES get better towards the end unless you have antenatal depression, there is such a thing, it isn’t just post-natal. I’d suggest talking to your midwife/doctor about how you are feeling. They will not judge you at all. It is entirely normal to not be 100% happy in pregnancy (which is what movies and tv suggest happens), you should not feel bad about that or guilty.
    The best thing to do, is make sure you are getting your vitamins, and plenty of rest! Tiredness can make things worse, and I don’t know about you, but pregnancy entirely wiped me out with fatigue. Fatigue makes depression worse on it’s own.
    R.e the pain, try sleeping with a pillow between your legs, worked well for me, I also wore giant support pants, which were totally unsexy, but really helped with pelvic/back pain.
    I really hope you feel better soon.

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    1. Hi Roxy,

      Welcome to zidditamana and thanks for your advice and comments. I didn’t think to speak to my gyno about the depression part. Mainly speak to her about the pain and all that other stuff. I have another appointment with her at the beginning of August so will definitely speak to her at that time.

      About the pain, well it doesn’t seem to want to go away and I really don’t want to take much medicine. So, I’m dealing with it for now.

      I just wish me and the hubby could see eye to eye and he would understand the emotional hell I am in. I know I seem needy these days but it’s out of my control. I just want to feel special and loved.

      Anyway, that’s for the follow and suggestions.

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      1. Yeah, guys don’t understand hormones ever anyway do they!
        Being “needy” is totally normal in pregnancy as it is. You’re making a whole new life, it’s flipping hard work on your body and mind. You might find it helpful to speak to people in similar situations, I joined “mum to be” forums on the internet. They said nearly the same as I did. I was shocked to find other people felt the same way as I. I expected pregnancy to be all roses and happy. They would probably be the people to speak to about what to do about hubby.
        They say a woman becomes a mother when they get pregnant, a guy becomes a father when he sees his baby.
        I was like you, I didn’t want to take any medication for the pain because it felt wrong. Yoga is supposed to help, I found “downward dog” particularly helpful to do (and I’m not really into that stuff, but it helped).
        Hope you feel better soon x

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