After a week of lavishly celebrating our anniversary, I’m questioning myself today and wondering; do I maybe expect too much of my relationship? I am the type of person to go out of my way to show the person I love that they are loved, special and the most important to me, above anything else. I don’t think about finances, there are no limitations to showing your love and so I ensure that I have done everything in my means to make the other person feel exceptional.
But somewhere through it all, I too expect a bit of what I do to be reciprocated. I too want to feel exceptional and special and loved and spoilt, even if it’s not to the extent of what I do. But that expectation doesn’t get fulfilled and now when I think back about it, seems the expectation isn’t even close to being fulfilled.
So while my spouse goes to sleep, I sit in a dark living-room wondering maybe if I’m just expecting to much. But am I really?
I understand that everyone has different ideas of showing their love. I also understand that others do take finances into consideration when displaying their love. I even understand that people might not know how to express their love. But what I don’t understand is if the love is there, shouldn’t all of this come naturally? Shouldn’t the feeling of making the person you love feel loved be easy to express?
Sure you took two days off work to spend with me alone. Sure you gave me your attention throughout those two days. But don’t I deserve to feel a bit special besides the ordinary? Don’t I deserve to receive an unexpected gesture or display of your love? I’m not one to ask for lavishing gifts. I don’t even expect to have tons of money spent on me. But what I do expect is to feel that extra little love. I do expect to have something as simple as a candlelit dinner prepared by you just for me. I do expect to have a romantic evening at home that ends with intimacy and romance. I do expect to wake up to maybe even a breakfast or tea in bed.
In my eyes, my expectations are simple, inexpensive and rational. But they still go unfulfilled.
I’m really not saying that because I did this for you, you should’ve done that for me. I’m not even counting the dollar value of the gifts. But what I am counting is the thought I put into making your gift a dream come true and the thought you put in sending me something for the sake of me thinking that you actually care.
Maybe I am expecting too much. Maybe my requests are just irrational and too much to ask for. Maybe it’s time I just completely stop expecting anything from you. Maybe that will take away the lack of feeling loved that I am feeling today.