Yesterday I did something that I feel horribly guilty about; Ni hadn’t slept all night and most of the day, so I dropped her off at my mom’s place to spend the night. I was so tired and depressed. She just wouldn’t settle down or sleep and I had been up all day and most of the day with her. My mom called in the evening and asked how I was doing and I complained that Ni was driving me crazy and I was so frustrated and tired and didn’t know if I could handle it anymore. So, mom suggested I bring Ni over to her place and she’ll take care of her so that I can get some rest.
I admit it was an easy out and I took the easy road and took Ni to her house and left her there for the night. But then last night as I lay in bed with D and was talking about what a frustrating and exhausting day I had with Ni, guilt hit me hard; I had left my angel at her grandparent’s house because I was frustrated and exhausted. How selfish is that of me? How could I just leave her there so I could rest? What a horrible mother I am. I cried for quite awhile but D reassured me that she was safe and her grandparents love her dearly and I too deserved to get some sleep and relax. But my heart felt sore and I could barely sleep all night.
Am I wrong for feeling this guilt like D suggests? Or did I do the right thing by having Ni spend the night with her grandparents so I could rest? Any suggestions?
I’m just feeling so horrible today about what I did. I feel like I neglected my duties as a mother. I left my downfall get the best of me.
But I was so frustrated and tired and am sure Ni could hear it in my voice because I sounded mean to her when I was trying to calm her. My darling angel probably thinks I’m a horrible mother. :(