Why Won’t She Get Better?

The biggest worry in the world for a mother is that of the well-being of her child. When her child is sick, hurt, upset or in pain, a mother’s heart is weighed down with worry and a million questions. Today, I am one of those mothers. My Ni, my darling angel, my pride and joy is sick. Again! It’s become an ongoing thing. Ever since she got an ear infection 2 days before her birthday, she has just not been better 100% and yesterday her being unwell, took its toll on me. I broke down. I shattered. My heart-felt heavy and my mind confused with millions of questions. Why is this happening to her? Am I doing something wrong? Is there a more-serious underlying illness that the doctors aren’t taking seriously enough to investigate? Why won’t my baby get better?

I got home from work yesterday and Ni’s daycare called to let me know that Ni had a fever of 102°F, her cheeks were flushed and she was crying. The minute the phone hung up, I just couldn’t help myself from falling apart. She was sick again. She had a high fever again. What was I going to do?

I quickly called D but didn’t get an answer. I called our physician’s office, but no answer. I called the pediatric clinic the hospital had recommended; they wouldn’t see Ni without a new referral. So, I called the ER department and pleaded my case but they were no help either and just told me that they couldn’t suggest or tell me what I should do. As I kept dialing numbers trying to get some help, I broke down even more. No one was helping and I couldn’t get through to speak to D. I needed to hear that Ni would be alright.

After picking up Ni, 10-15 minutes later, I brought her home. She looked so small. So fragile. So weak. Her cheeks were flushed red. Eyes sunken and color pale. This wasn’t my little monkey. No, this was a terrible virus that had taken over my little monkey and hidden her away. I held her in my arms and let her fall asleep on my chest and feeling helpless, I just cried silently as she slept. I had checked her temperature, given her some apple juice and Tempera and dressed in on layer of light clothing and put a cold compress on her forehead. It was all I could do until I could get a hold of D or a doctor.

I did eventually get a hold of D and he left work and was on his home, but still an hour away. So, I just waited. During the wait, it dawned on me that I should call Telehealth Ontario and ask them if they could give some suggestions. Luckily for me, I got through to a RN pretty quickly. After giving the history and all the present symptoms and letting her know how worried and upset I was, she reassured me that I was indeed doing everything right and wasn’t a terrible mother. She gave me some suggestions and advised that Ni be seen within the next 24 hours by a physician or pediatrician to be thoroughly assessed for either an ear infection or bacterial infection. She told me that it’s expected for children Ni’s age to have a cold at least 6 times a year and because Ni was going to daycare, she was more exposed to infection than a child that stayed at home. She told me that I wasn’t a bad mother and that everything I had done up until now, was exactly what I should be doing and until Ni wasn’t seen by a doctor, there was nothing more I could do, other than give her lots of TLC.

Ni was feeling slightly better this morning when I left for work (thank goodness). D has taken the morning off to be with her and take her back to the pediatric clinic later this afternoon to be thoroughly checked up.

As for me, I’m doing better today too. That nurse I spoke to yesterday, told me everything I really needed to hear. I’m not a bad mother. I am doing a great job at caring for my child and she has the best mom out there. Surprisingly, hearing that from a complete stranger is what got me through the night. Sometimes we moms need to be reassured that we are doing a good job and not to worry as much. Sometimes, you just need to hear it from someone else’s mouth.

Tamana~

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