Dealing With Hell

It seems like since last October as cheerful and hopeful as I’ve tried to be, my life has just turned into a shit show. Everything is going wrong! Ni is STILL getting fevers every few days, I got into a car accident, my house nearly burnt down, the ice storm took its toll on us, Ni is sick again, my job is hanging from a thread, my boss tries to understand, but doesn’t, over the past few weeks, I’ve had to throw out nearly half my belongings and furniture and things are just not going right.

I’m depressed more than I’ve been over the past few years. I feel like curling up in a ball and screaming and crying my head off. I want to quit my job, pack my life and family up and just run away somewhere where there aren’t any problems. Yeah, I know, problems follow wherever you go. But I can dream of a mystical place where everything is in order and life is pleasant.

I feel like I just can’t catch a break, these days. I can’t quit my job, I need the money, the job market is too difficult to try and find another job after I get life straightened out. I need a break but can’t ask my employer for one, since I’ve had to take so many days off for Ni and myself being sick. But I’m at my whits end. I’m overwhelmed with everything going on and don’t even want to get out of bed (which is a couch these days). I just want to hide and cry.

D tries to see the bright side and keep me hopeful. But it’s not working. There is no bright side to all of this, it’s a dark tunnel of hell from what I see and there’s just no end. I know God tests us with what we can handle and grow from. But seriously, is HE is targeting me and my family? What have I done? Why are we going through all of this and what the heck do I do to fix it?