Sometimes I feel like something is missing. But what? Money? No. We’re comfortable for the moment. A home? No, we’re happy were we are. A husband? No, I have one of those. A child? No, I am blessed with one of those as well. Food? No, there’s never been any shortage (thankfully).
Surrounded by everything I “need” to survive and even some “wants” to keep the days more pleasurable, I find myself feeling empty. Something is amiss. Like a piece of me is lost. There’s a void I cannot fill. No one has been able to either. But I don’t know what it is that I’ve lost or misplaced or that has been taken from me. But I am not me. No, I am a lost a soul; unhappy in my skin, in my darkness, in my light. Nothing anyone does can change the way I am feeling. No one can push back the tears that ever so easily flow from my eyes. No one can give me reasoning to why I am fighting this battle.
All the positives in my world do not let me escape this negativity. A piece of me is lost. Lost somewhere far away. But how do I find what I don’t know is missing? Who do I ask to bring back that piece of me when I don’t know who’s taken it? There is no light at the end of my tunnel. There is no silver-lining to these dark clouds overhead. So, I toss and turn and the night passes with my heart and mind battling each other once again.
My heart says you have plenty. My mind shouts back, “there’s this one thing missing”. My heart says be thankful for all you have. My mind says with all I have there is an emptiness. My heart says people around you love you dearly. My mind says I know but why isn’t it enough? My heart says it will all be alright, have patience. My mind looks for a way to make it all alright but finds nothing.
Emptiness engulfs me and makes me cry. With each tear that falls another little piece of me goes amiss. I lose myself deeper in this darkness. Finally, I fall asleep and the tears stop. Utter silence. It all goes away for a little while.