Another Night, Another Emotional Battle With Myself

Sometimes I feel like something is missing. But what? Money? No. We’re comfortable for the moment. A home? No, we’re happy were we are. A husband? No, I have one of those. A child? No, I am blessed with one of those as well. Food? No, there’s never been any shortage (thankfully).

Surrounded by everything I “need” to survive and even some “wants” to keep the days more pleasurable, I find myself feeling empty. Something is amiss. Like a piece of me is lost. There’s a void I cannot fill. No one has been able to either. But I don’t know what it is that I’ve lost or misplaced or that has been taken from me. But I am not me. No, I am a lost a soul; unhappy in my skin, in my darkness, in my light. Nothing anyone does can change the way I am feeling. No one can push back the tears that ever so easily flow from my eyes. No one can give me reasoning to why I am fighting this battle.

All the positives in my world do not let me escape this negativity. A piece of me is lost. Lost somewhere far away. But how  do I find what I don’t know is missing? Who do I ask to bring back that piece of me when I don’t know who’s taken it? There is no light at the end of my tunnel. There is no silver-lining to these dark clouds overhead. So, I toss and turn and the night passes with my heart and mind battling each other once again.

My heart says you have plenty. My mind shouts back, “there’s this one thing missing”. My heart says be thankful for all you have. My mind says with all I have there is an emptiness. My heart says people around you love you dearly. My mind says I know but why isn’t it enough? My heart says it will all be alright, have patience. My mind looks for a way to make it all alright but finds nothing.

Emptiness engulfs me and makes me cry. With each tear that falls another little piece of me goes amiss. I lose myself deeper in this darkness. Finally, I fall asleep and the tears stop. Utter silence. It all goes away for a little while.

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17 thoughts on “Another Night, Another Emotional Battle With Myself”

  1. Boo why so sad?
    I assume d doesn’t know about your blog – am I right?
    Are you sharing your feelings with him? Dig deep within you will find the answer

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    1. D knows about my blog. He chooses not to read it. I don’t know why I feel the way I feel. Some days I’m fine. Others not so much. He doesn’t understand so I don’t explain anymore.

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  2. That must be very frustrating. Do you have anyone you could talk to? Mental health us a very serious topic. Try and get some help.
    Sounds like you have lots of great stuff going on in your life so you are ahead of the game. Remember things could always be worse.
    Be thankful for what you have and other good feelings will naturally spiral. Try it! You will see.

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    1. I don’t have any one else to talk to about this. Which is why I write. My writing helps me cope and stay somewhat sane.

      Thank you for your concern.:) I’m trying my best.

      Like

    1. Lol I haven’t seen 50 shades yet. Contemplating whether I want to or not since I have read the book and most people say the movie comes nowhere close to the books.

      Yes, trying to work on more beauty advice! Hopefully will have something up next week. Have been trying something out and want to see if it makes a difference or not. But will post about it next week.

      You know so much about me via my blog and I not even your name or where you’re from.

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  3. I just only recently came across it accidentally through a Facebook post from Trish’s tragic passing.
    I was devastated and I am still sad about it. I went to her funeral saw Maria & Angela too.
    From then I check your page as I found it really entertaining and well written as I have said.
    Anyway we have lots to catch up on. You mom you!!

    Like

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