I’m still down with a cold. My doctor thinks it’s a bacterial infection and so has put me on antibiotics. My stomach has been terribly upset for the past week or so and the antibiotics aren’t helping my cause. He also thinks something else is going on with my body and provided me with a requisition for numerous blood tests; which I had done yesterday. I’m just hoping whatever they find they can fix and get me feeling better.
He mentioned something to me yesterday that has me a little disturbed. He said that some people that come out of abusive homes or relationships, their brain tends to cope with depression and illness differently than people that have had happy homes or relationships. Growing up, my brother was very physically abusive towards my sister and I, particularly me because I rebelled more than her. Then a relationship turned abusive for sometime until I finally escaped it. My ex-husband wasn’t abusive with me but the last argument we had turned violent and ended with me calling the cops on him. My dad too raised his hand on me a couple of times but that was so many years ago.
D doesn’t believe in violence and his response to an argument is to go silent when the other person is yelling. He’s very different than anyone I’ve lived with or dated. He’s kind and soft-natured.
So, why after all these years would my body and brain be reacting to illness differently than others? I know my past has left me scarred for life. But I’ve forcefully forgotten many things that took place out of my memory. I know my depression stems from my past. But can all my illness and the longevity of it be occurring because I haven’t forgotten everything abusive that happened in my life? I don’t think so.
I personally think there is something else developing inside of me that hasn’t come to surface although I’ve done hundreds of tests in the past six months. Maybe the doctors aren’t looking in the right place or doing the right tests because they tell me over and over again that “I’m still too young” to develop major illnesses.
Well, I guess I’m going to have to wait and see what this series of test results bring to light. I don’t think I’m “too young” to develop a major illness. I hope I don’t have one either. But if I do, I really hope they find it this time and just help me fix it or control it because I’m sick of being sick.