Randomly, on Monday night I decided to dye my hair purple. It was an impulse decision to finally do it but I had been thinking about it for quite some time. I’ve dyed my hair many colours in the past but a full head of purple, never.
I had Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off this week so it didn’t bother me that my hair was purple. But when Thursday morning came, I began freaking out and wondering what people at work would think about me. At first, I thought to myself to call it in sick, but quickly decided against that. Then I thought maybe tying it up in a bun would lessen the reaction i would receive. Finally, I said fuck it, I’m going as I am and it doesn’t really matter what anyone thinks.
I dyed my hair purple because I love the color but also because it was a scream for individuality. A scream to tell myself that I am still alive, that all this going on in my head will pass eventually, that with every wash the color would fade, as the issues and struggles with myself would fade.
Every time I look in the mirror since Monday, I smile and secretly tell myself, “you’ve got some balls to be walking around with a head of purple hair”, and it makes me feel good. It makes me feel like myself before this episode of depression took over my mind and soul.
Baby steps, remember? Baby steps to one day of happiness at a time. Clearly, this wasn’t a very baby step, th was a bold, in your face, screaming step, but nonetheless, it was a step that lets me look at myself and smile for a few minutes each day. The color will fade sooner than later, semi-permanent after all, but the memories of having purple hair are being captured daily in photos and thoughts.
Have you ever done something dramatic to get you through your anxiety, depression or battles with yourself?