I’ve been lazy to write this week. I’m home today with a terrible headache or migraine that won’t go away. I feel very sleepy almost all day long, even though I have chugged down 2-3 large black coffees throughout. I know it’s the lack of calories, sleep deprivation and emotional roller-coaster that has me feeling this way. But there’s more to it.
Last week, I had a follow-up with my physician. He said my depression wasn’t a chemical imbalance and was more relationship/situation based. I find that absurd. I mean, it’s partially true; I am unhappy with many relationships/situations in my day-to-day life. But I have been depressed for a long time, longer than I can remember. Were all those years of feeling unhappy all situation based as well? I try hard to analyze the past 32 years and find it hard to nail down the true cause of my depression and what started it all. So much has happened over the years, how do I list it all?
It needs to be done, though. I need to list all the situations or events that happened, one-by-one. Then expand on each situation, explain it, analyze it and then conclude it.
Maybe it is time I begin my autobiography, again. I tried this a few years ago, got pretty far and even posted parts of it on here. But soon after, decided to remove everything and delete it. Stupid mistake. But I know why I deleted everything; too many secrets. Secrets that could ruin me, secrets that could hurt me and those around me, secrets I have not told anyone, ever. Maybe it is time I grab a notepad and begin to write. This maybe the first step to finding my reason for being.