Sometimes Saying Too Much Ruins Everything

I recently opened up my heart, mind and soul to someone, it was a decision that took a lot of debating before I finally gave in to the urge to let out my feelings and thoughts. Soon after telling them how I was feeling and what I had been thinking, they changed. They avoided my questions, stopped responding to my messages and barely ever answered my calls. They shut me out of their life as if I had freaked them out.

Later, when the opportunity arose, I explained to them that I told them everything not because I wanted something from them; but as a person who wears their heart on their sleeve and isn’t afraid of telling it how it is, I needed to get the burden of my thoughts and feelings off my chest and so I confided in them. I pleaded for them to go back to normal and put that conversation behind us.

I thought this person would understand. I thought they would hear the depth of my words and realize that what I was telling them was not in my control. I thought they knew me, I thought we were closer then we turned out to be. Had they truly known me, would they have reacted the way that they did?

D says I’m bitter. He says, I don’t get along with most people. He says, I am too upfront and can be rude at times. He is a people pleas-er. He doesn’t tell it how it is. He sugar-coats the facts and holds back a lot just so he doesn’t hurt others.

But I am not him. I tried to take on some of his traits of being “nice” and “polite” (as he says), it didn’t work for me. Just look at the scenario above. I opened up, I was nice, I was honest, I was polite, I didn’t say all the mean but truthful things I should have said, just so I didn’t hurt my friend. Look how it backfired. I nearly lost this friend, when in all honesty, all I wanted was for this person to see me in a different light and understand who I was.

So why should I be nice? Why shouldn’t I hold back my thoughts and feelings when all I’m going to get from people is a closed heart and mind? Why should I even care for people?

I was happier keeping things to myself. I was happier being discreet and putting on a front. Why is it that when we let our demons out and put ourselves in the hands of vulnerability, all we get in return is a door slammed in our face? I dropped my shield and all it did was torture me, so maybe I put up a bigger, stronger, unbreakable, irremovable shield; one that never comes down no matter who stands in front of me.

What hurts the most is the only person I want to talk about this is the person who doesn’t understand and is too scared to understand. I ruined my relationship/friendship with this person. I know time will heal and mend it back to what it was and as long as I don’t open up to them again about how I truly feel about what’s going on, everything will go back to normal. But am I willing to?

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9 thoughts on “Sometimes Saying Too Much Ruins Everything”

  1. Tamana, just dropping in after reading your comment to me. This happened to be the first post so I read it.
    I do not know much about you, I do know that I wear my heart on my face. I know the saying is ‘wearing your heart on your sleeve’, but I do that to the extreme at times. I am glad I read this post, it was pure emotion, and this is not easy for some people to do. I’m not sure if I have any advice, or if you want advice, so I just wanted to say that you didn’t do anything wrong in this situation.

    all the best,
    the (esc)ape artist

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  2. I love your style of writing ✨✨ I also love how you’re not afraid to go too deep with you blogs ☺️ 💕💕💕

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  3. Words never carries total phenomenon to others, silence is the way. Words can’t hold meaninglessness of emotions and feelings. But it’s words which gives silence it’s fragrance, with appropriate gestures.
    It’s not your words ruined anything but an inability of other to comprehend it.

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  4. Words never carries total phenomenon to others, silence is the only way. Words can’t hold meaninglessness of emotions and feelings. But its words which gives silence its fragrance, with appropriate gestures.
    Its not your words that ruined anything but an inability of other to comprehend it.

    Like

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