Yesterday was Nid’s first day of Jr. Kindergarten and I am a complete mess. She was excited to be taking her lunch to school in her new Frozen lunchbox and containers. But she didn’t want to be in the big girl class; she wanted to stay with her best friend, who’s a year younger in their preschool. She wanted to stay with Ms. Edith and Ms. Shipra because she loves them and will miss them.
She took some great pictures outside the school and was all smiles. But once the teachers began taking their kids inside, she began to clench my hand and insisted that I stay. The teacher’s assistant slightly pulled her away; which caused her to burst into tears, resulting in mommy bursting into tears. I had been trying so hard to hold back my tears until that moment but the moment I saw her cry, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I kneeled down to hug her and reassured her that daddy or I would pick her up after school and it would be alright once she was inside with the rest of her class. Finally, the assistant pulled her away, asked me to leave and took my baby inside.
I stood near the compound of the school for a long while comforting myself and reassuring myself that she would be alright and would get through this and would eventually love school.
I left her a little congratulatory note and treat at home to encourage her and let her know how proud daddy and I are of her.
But how will I get through the fact that she’s not my baby anymore? She’s growing up so quickly and time is flying past us. She’s not my little baby anymore. She’s my big girl now and that’s terrifying for me. Day-by-day she is becoming more independent and doesn’t need me to lend her a hand. She wants to do everything on her own and barely needs her mommy anymore. And as great as that is, she’s still my little girl and I still need her to let do things for her. I’m not as ready to let go as she is.
My friends tell me that it will only get harder the bigger she gets because she’ll want to soar and fly and won’t want her mommy there all the time. Although, I know they’re right, I don’t want to believe them. I want to be the exception, that no matter how big she gets, she still looks for my hand beside her’s when she’s walking.