What Changed?

Someone asked me this question yesterday, “what changed? You seem different now.” They said I had a glow to my face, a sparkle in my eye and a confidence that hadn’t been there for a long time in any of my pictures. “So, what changed?”

Someone else asked me if I had someone new in my life; someone bringing out the beauty in me. I laughed and said “yes, there’s someone in my life but they aren’t new; I just lost them for a while and found them again.” She honestly thought I was cheating on my husband and had gone back to an ex-boyfriend or something.

I explained to her, it was nothing of the sort. I told her I didn’t have time for anyone new or old back in my life right now. She looked dumbfounded at me and asked what the fuck I was talking about.

I continued to explain, I found myself again; the same self I allowed to disappear behind all the people and things I was so happily wasting myself and energy on. I cut so many toxic and negative people and things out of my life. I needed to make peace with myself.

“I gave you more than I gave myself. So loyal to you that I betrayed myself.” – Cardi B

It took me a long time to realize that the battle wasn’t between me and the world, but instead it was between me and myself.

And I won.

The next day, everything changed on it’s own. My charisma was back, the sparkle and glow returned. The waking up in the morning with a smile on my face became a part of my life again. And most importantly, I slept; not for an hour or two, but a full night’s sleep, without interruption.

So, to answer your question about what changed, I chose me, again. That’s all that needed changing.

~ Tamana