Death and Rebirth

In astrology, the scorpion is known for its constant cycles of transformation, ruled by emotions and instinct. It stings itself rather than others, hence killing itself off and re-emerging stronger, wiser, more determined.

I have always believed in astrology and have taken the characteristics of my zodiac sign seriously. Maybe that’s why I find myself, time and time again, in transformation mode; killing my old self and giving birth to a new, wiser one.

This trip across the world made me realize that my soul is ready for another transformation. Everything I have been for the past few years, needs to change. My mindset and career are evolving. I have hit rock bottom. I am broke, unemployed, emotionally drained and physically unwell. My relationships are being tested, some intentionally, some due to the circumstances that have arisen.

Now that I’m at rock bottom, the only way to move is up, with or without anyone by my side. It’s become apparent, especially over the past few days that people will only stand by your side for so long. Some I would have never thought to leave my side, who would have stayed through no matter what situation arose, have proven me wrong. Others I thought would divide the moment the volcano erupted have stood steady becoming my pillars. Finally, there are some that have proven how ignorant I have been for so long. The masks have all come off and everyone is now recognizable.

Including myself.

I am no longer the Tamana I was three weeks ago. I am no longer the mother I was. No longer the wife, sister, daughter or friend I was. Every responsibility has changed. I died a million deaths over the past twenty days, each time killing a relationship and responsibility and with each death giving birth to a new relationship and responsibility. Assessments of every new relationship was made and given the priority it required.

The highest priority given to self because the death of that Tamana taught me that without a rebirth of an improved, determined Tamana none of those priorities or relationships would matter.

Here I stand with the death of the old and rebirth of the new Tamana; the writer, the self-efficient, independent woman with her priorities in order and self-awareness higher than ever. Like the scorpion, her stinger is raised, ready to attack anything and anyone that threatens her or her peace.

~Tamana