Category Archives: Mom In Training

Pregnancy stuff, baby stuff, mommy to-be stuff, raising a child stuff

Feeling Like I Need To Get Away

I feel like I need a vacation. Maybe a couple of days away from my regular life and routine. Maybe a weekend spent at a hotel, away from the commotion. Who knows, maybe even a spa weekend just for me. With the baby coming, work being super demanding and things with D being up and down; I think I just need a couple of days to enjoy me time without thinking about anyone or anything else.

With time flying by so quickly, my nervous system is acting up. I am anxious and scared about my little princess arriving and the mother I will be to her; that too if I’ll even be a good mom or not. Plus, there is so much to do still; getting her room ready, buying all the necessities, and the list just goes on.

Work hasn’t been any easier, either lately. With my departure for a year on maternity leave, there are so many initiatives I still need to finish before I can leave. Plus, they might try to find my replacement, so I’ll probably end up training him or her.

Then there are the D things. My emotional roller-coaster these days isn’t easy on either of us. Some days I’m up and some days I’m down; which has resulted in a lot of back and forth with the two of us.

I just feel physically and emotionally exhausted, like life has been drained out of me. I want to get away for some time and just focus on myself. Better yet, I just don’t want to focus on anything and be carefree for a few days. But everything is so expensive. I mean, even staying at a hotel for a couple of nights will bring up a $300-$400 bill and if I want to order room service or use spa facilities, that’s just beyond what I can afford right now.

So, what do I do? Where or how do I find my retreat??? How do I get away without actually being away or spending too much money? Any suggestions?

Things Are Starting To Turn Around

After a long battle with emotions and physical pains, I find myself returning to who I was before I got pregnant. I’m starting to go back to my smiling, lovey-dovey self. I’m less annoyed and irritated lately and I find myself enjoying being at home cooking and decorating again.

Even the troubles with D are getting better. I think with the wedding and then sudden pregnancy, we kind of lost each other in the mix. But we’re working on rekindling our relationship and he’s making extra effort to make me feel loved and special.

Our 1 year “unofficial” wedding anniversary is next week and he’s even taken 2 days off work to spend with me out-of-town. In return, I’ve come up with a surprise that I know he will be ecstatic about. I’ve found something he’s wanted to do all his life and booked him in for it. It’s still a secret and lately he has read my blog, so I’m not going to tell all of you either about it yet. But I promise on Monday after it happens, I’ll post lists of pictures.

Besides that, we’re holding a dinner at our place this weekend. All his friends are coming over for dinner and drinks this Sunday. So, I have a lot of prep ahead of me. I’m really hoping to spruce up the apartment for Sunday as well.

I’ve been browsing Pinterest and have found some DIY projects I’d like to do in preparation for Sunday’s dinner. I’ll try posting some pictures as I attempt my projects.

Until then, xoxox.

 

Losing My Mind

A few days ago I wrote a post about being horribly emotional and overwhelmed by the pregnancy. I asked my fellow readers if they had any suggestions on how I could cope with all of this. Sadly, though I received no replies. Which either means one of two things; my followers are no longer interested in reading my blog posts, hence have not responded or no one knows what to tell me to help me get through this emotional hell.

I’m not exactly sure which one of the two are the reason for not receiving any responses, all I know is that I am still stuck and have yet to find a way out. I feel like I’ve hit a new low lately. Lack of sleep, leg and back pain might contribute to all the depression and emotional ups and downs but I’ve tried everything to make things better and to feel better. Nothing seems to be working. Instead I find myself falling further and further into a depressed state of mind. With depression, anger, anxiety and stress contributing to my hell.

I keep telling myself that things will get better. I tell myself to wake up smiling and try to get over whatever it is that’s bothering me. I’ve even tried cheering myself up with some retail therapy and a mani-pedi. But nothing has worked. And lately it seems that D and I aren’t seeing eye to eye either. Matter-of-fact, we’re no longer even looking in the same direction as one another.

It’s probably all brought on by my craziness. But whatever the reason be, right now is one of the most important and toughest times of my life and I need him to just deal with whatever I am going through and acting like and hold my hand and be my support. I need him to be there for me right now, especially when I am feeling so low and unhappy. I’ve expressed this to him numerous times over the past few weeks but it seems I am just not getting through to him, that or he doesn’t care anymore.

I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know how to fix the gap between us. I don’t know how to find happiness in my heart anymore. I keep thinking of the angel that will soon bless me with her presence. But even that doesn’t bring the type of happiness to my heart as I am seeking. She is my happiness but I need more right now. I need my best friend, my husband to hold my hand and get me through this. He just doesn’t get it though.

So, I find myself stuck once again.

Pregnancy and Emotional Rollercoasters

I know I’ve been away a lot from my blog. I know I only post once a week or less. I don’t have any excuses for you today either. I just don’t feel like a writer lately or anything else for that matter.

The pregnancy is taking its toll on me both emotionally and physically, plus on my marriage to D. You know that saying, “if you can get through the wedding together, marriage is a breeze”? Well, they really should revise that saying to, “if you can get through the wedding, just wait until you’re pregnant.”

Seems like I am on an emotional roller-coaster all the time lately. Yes, I know it’s the hormonal change and progesterone levels pushing me to these extremes but still it’s not fun! My relationship with D keeps suffering because of it. All those hormones running through me have made me a mad woman. Every little thing seems to bother or irritate me these days.

Maybe I’ve set such high expectations towards D that whenever they’re not fulfilled I feel completely lost and empty. Maybe he doesn’t get how much the hormones are making me sensitive and emotional. Maybe, maybe, maybe! There are so many maybes in my mind that I just don’t know what to think of it all.

I’ve burst out at him 3-4 times since last week. I feel like a crazy person when he looks at me blankly and wonders what’s next on my menu of emotional rage. I just don’t know how to stop myself. If I’m not crying, I’m miserably unhappy, if it’s not that then I’m horribly angry. I feel like I’m going nuts.

I’ve tried to take ME time, I’ve tried relaxing with a warm bath and candles lit. I’ve even gone for a massage or two. Nothing seems to help calm me down or relax me. I feel like I’m just picking fights with him for silly reasons. But then when I sit and think and rationalize my anger, it all seems necessary and legit.

I’m stuck in my emotional mess. Anyone have any suggestions on getting through it? I’d go to my girlfriends for advice but the only two I’m closest to are in the US and the other one in India. So, here I am. I know there’s a couple of mothers and wives that read my blog, so I’m hoping one of you will read this and offer your insight or suggestions.

Thanks,

Tamana~

#guiltfree #chocolatecake #pregnancy #perks #ziddi #food #toronto #jj #desert

ETA 11/06/12 #ziddi #toronto #photooftheday

Happy Father’s Day!

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers, new, to-be or old, today! I hope you all celebrated today with your fathers and showed them how much you appreciate them and are thankful for them being around.

Although, our little angel hasn’t arrived yet, I wanted to make sure the D experienced today the way most fathers are fortunate to. D hasn’t celebrated father’s day before. His father passed away in India nearly 10 years ago and back then this North American tradition wasn’t well-recognized in India.

Since he’s going to be a father soon and we’re nearly half way through the pregnancy, I thought today would be a good day to make the baby arriving more real. I mean, up until now, although we know we’re pregnant and a baby is going to arrive soon, it hasn’t felt 100% as real.

So, I got him some gifts, not so much for him but for the baby. I think he really enjoyed my surprise last night. We had to celebrate last night because he had to be out and about early this morning. But the surprise continued over to this morning with tea and breakfast ready for him before e was even up.

Here are some photos of last night’s surprise and my loving husband’s first father’s day.

20120617-211940.jpg

20120617-212001.jpg

20120617-212013.jpg

20120617-212023.jpg