He Wasn’t My Best Friend, After All. 

I had a best friend; he was one of the closest people to me. He knew all my secrets and all of my fears. I shared everything with him and went out of my way to always make him smile. When he asked me for a favour, I made it my priority to fulfill it. I was always there. He was my best friend in the whole world. 
Or so I thought.

He was never actually my best friend. I was never actually his priority. He never went out of his way to make me smile or happy. He was just a friend. Yes, he made me smile and he helped me out when I asked. 

But he let my friendship with him nearly end over another relationship. 

He left a year ago and recently came back. Prior to coming back, we spoke once. He apologized for everything and I forgave him. 

When I found out he was finally coming back, I thought I was getting my best friend back. I thought everything would go back to how it previously was. I thought…so much. But none of it did.

He came back completely changed. He wasn’t the person I called my best friend. The fact that I even consider him a friend now is surprising to me. Although jokingly, he denies being my friend at all. We argue now and he puts me down in front of other people. He questions my decisions and motives. He treats me as if he is just tolerating me because we work together. 

Since he’s been back, I’ve tried talking to him and figuring out why he acts the way he does towards me. But he just responds with sarcasm or ignores the question all together. I’ve tried to leave things as they are and move on but find it ridiculously hard to do so. This person was supposed to be the person I called my best friend. He was supposed to be my support system and one of the ones making me laugh and smile. 

But he no longer was any of those things. Or maybe he was never any of those things to start with and it was an illusion of my own mind. I was his best friend but he was never mine and may never be.

Happy 35th Birthday, My Love

On the 27th of February, we celebrated my husband’s 35th birthday. I was at work all day as was he. But I prepared an amazing dinner before I left for work and set the table with champagne, a flower and cake in the fridge. It would’ve been the perfect surprise had he not been expecting something more elaborate and fun filled. 

For past 6 years that my husband and I have been together, I have always thrown him a birthday bash; cooked all the food myself and invited all his friends over for a night of drinking and dinner. In previous years, I would shower him with gifts starting early in the month, as I did this time. 

But I didn’t throw the big birthday bash this year. There was a bash but at a friend’s house for husband and another friend. It was supposed to be a trio birthday bash. But I had to cancel my portion of it and now I feel like I let Dev down. He’s a simple and sweet guy, he doesn’t ask for much but I’m sure he was expecting a big bash with all his friends present. I’ve felt terrible all week that I didn’t throw the big bash.

So, today, all of his friends are joining us at a restaurant for a surprise birthday dinner for him. He doesn’t know and thinks it’s just Nid, me and him going. I’m super excited that all his friends are going to be there and I’ve arranged for a cake and drinks will be on me for the whole gang. Hopefully, my love will enjoy his dinner. 

I’ll post pics of tonight’s dinner and celebration in a couple of days. Have a blessed weekend and hope my dinner plans go smoothly!


Time Doesn’t Change Anything

Most people say that time heals everything. Time will pass and your feelings will fade away. Time will allow distance. Time will ease your worries. Time will heal your wounds. Time will change the way you feel about someone.

A year has passed but my feelings remain the same. I thought that distance, confrontation, avoidance and time would change how I felt a year ago. But it hasn’t. Everything is the same. I am the same. Nothing about me has changed except maybe I’m a bit more tolerant. No. I’m not more tolerant. It’s eating me from the inside out. Maybe I’m more inexpressive and can hide my feelings better than I could a year ago. Yes, that is what it is.

A year ago, when I allowed my emotions and thoughts to come out, it nearly tore my world apart. I learned so many lessons about the people around me and how everything changes once you wear your heart on your sleeve. 

But right now, I can’t wear my heart on my sleeve anymore. I can’t express how I feel anymore. I can’t let out anything that’s inside me anymore because people take advantage of your feelings and take you for granted and hurt you as if you’ll crumble without them.

Time has not changed anything; except it has taught me to change who I am. I used to be the bold, outspoken girl who didn’t hide anything. What was in her heart was on her lips. But now, I’ve become quiet. I can’t even write what’s in my heart for the fear of tearing my world apart. 

I just have one question though, how long do you let your silence stop you from being you? 

Quick Update: 2017

2017 has started off slow and steady for me.  Nothing new to expand on really. Except that I didn’t bothering to make my resolutions list as intended to. I did want to make it, I never have the mindset to sit down and actually write it all out. I know there are numerous things I want to accomplish this year but I don’t have the mental capacity to note them all down. 

Aside from the resolutions, I’ve discovered that I want another child. It’s been a long battle with myself and finally, I’ve come to terms with myself about having another child. I keep thinking about Nid and the what if’s of something ever happening to Dev and I; god forbid. I don’t want my child to be alone in this world. She has cousins and aunts and uncles that love her dearly, but a sibling would be going through the same as her should anything happen to us. They would understand each other and would be able to take care of one another (hopefully). 

Dev and I have talked about it over and over again and have agreed that now that Nid is four years old, it’s time we plan for another child. Plus, Nid has shown a lot of interest in having a baby sister or brother. I just hope that she and her sibling (if we have another child) get along and care for each other the way I hope. Nid’s very nurturing and I’m confident she will be the best older sister but when I think about my own relationship with my siblings I pray she doesn’t deal with what I have. 

Lastly, I’ve been experimenting with my hair and colours. Right now, my hair is a pink fading to dark, electric purple. Lol. It’s not at crazy as it sounds. But I’m in love with the colour and it makes me feel wild, young and like my old self before the age of mommy hood and wife hood. Before the purple, it was a dark blue and then green. But I think the purple is my favourite. Let me know what you think! 

So, that’s where I am so far into the new year. Slow but steady. I’m experimenting with hair colour, looking for jobs to get back into the corporate world, writing my resolutions in a new journal, planning to expand my family, working (once again) on my autobiography and trying to save some money. It’s all going pretty well. I feel content for the moment and counting blessings daily. 

How’s your new year starting out? What are you hoping to accomplish and try this year? Share you goals and aspirations with me; I’d love to hear them!

Restaurant Diaries: The Great Maratha

Recently, in search for a good Indian restaurant, a friend of my husband’s suggested we visit a former colleague’s restaurant. We try to stay away from friend’s restaurants as we don’t want to dine for free or at a discount. But we’d heard so many good things about this restaurant and I was craving good Indian food, plus anxious to review a new restaurant before the year ended, we decided to visit The Great Maratha. It’s a decent sized restaurant near Eglinton Ave. West and Bathurst. Cozy enough to enjoy a nice meal with family or friends and competitively priced that it doesn’t burn a hole in your wallet. 

We started our meal with Onion bhajiya and the TGM Royal Platter; which came with a side of mint and tamarind chutney. The onion bhajiya was perfectly fried and crispy, as it should be. The Royal Platter consisted of beef seekh kabobs, achari tikka, mint tikka, fish tikka and tandoori vegetables. I found the beef seekh kabobs a bit bland and wanting more spice. But the other items were fantastic and well seasoned.

Our main course consisted of tandoori naan, roti, rice, goat curry and fish curry. The naans and roti were cooked to absolute perfection. Crispy and well-cooked and rice seasoned just enough to compliment the curries with overpowering the tastes.

In general, I am not a fan of fish curry as I have yet to try one that I absolutely love enough to have regularly. Disappointingly enough, this fish curry didn’t do the job either. It had a slight sweetness to it; which for me isn’t how fish should be in a Maharashtran restaurant. I’ve known their food to be more savoury and spicy. But I won’t completely skip this curry. It was well-made, the fish was perfectly cooked. I just there was more of a kick to it.

The goat curry was well seasoned and the chunks of goat just the right amount of tenderness. But again, like the fish curry this too needed a little more heat. 

Overall, the meal was satisfactory and flavourful enough to come back again when craving a good tandoori meal. For three adults and one child, the meal was competitively priced. 

I will definitely be visiting again. But next time may ask for the curries to be slightly spicier. 

Check out their website at: http://www.the-great-maratha.com

Address: 965 Eglinton Ave. West

Phone: (416) 787-1020

Happy New Year

Happy New Year, my lovelies! I wish you great accomplishments, happiness, love and successes for this New Year. 

I don’t know what I will be doing for New Year’s Eve, however, I do know what I will be doing after that. Every year, I tell myself that I will not make resolutions. But this year, I will be making a list of New Year’s resolutions and planning on how to stick to them and fulfill each of them. 

But for now, let’s just celebrate the ending of 2016 and welcome 2017 with open arms for all the new beginnings we will experience and chapters we’ll close. 

Happy New Year’s Eve! Party hard but stay safe! Xoxo

7 Year WordPress Anniversary 

It’s been 7 years since I first started writing on WordPress (WP) and of course WP reminded me with a happy anniversary notification when I logged in a couple of days ago. It’s nice to be reminded of how long we’ve done something.

I started reading through some of my old posts, mostly those from last year and realized how much has happened that I’ve forgotten about. All those emotions and thoughts that were going through my mind while writing each post came rushing back. 

I read many of your comments and it reminded me of all the support you guys have given me over the years. It reminded me that I’ve gained a small family on here that I’ve never met but has had my back for all those years I was pouring my heart out. 

Thank you all for continuing to come back and give me support when I needed it the most. Some of you, I know on a personal level and others keep themselves privates and although you don’t give me your thoughts here, your text messages reassure me that there are people out there that wish me well and have love in their hearts for me. 

Thank you all for being here for me. Your love and commitment to Ziddi Tamana is what makes it all worthwhile to write about my life publicly. Because of that love and commitment, I am moving towards restarting to write my book again. I abandoned it for a while but lately, my heart keeps telling me to write and after much discussion with Dev about what I want for my future, I’ve decided to begin writing again; The Story Of The Real Ziddi Tamana. 

It’s a long, hard task. But it’s a dream I need to fulfill for my own sanity. Wish me luck and motivation because I’ll need it. 

Happy Holidays, my lovelies!

a stubborn desire…

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