Tag Archives: divorce

Another Bucket List Item Checked Off

 Today, what can I say about today? Today I had one of the most exciting experiences of my life. One of my long-time bucket list items have been to have a makeover done on tv. And what better place to do it than on The Marilyn Denis Show!

I grew up watching Marilyn. I remember her show was one of my mother’s favourite daytime talk shows to watch. I remember my mother always raving and boosting about how fabulous Marilyn was. And I’ve seen Marilyn transform women into their truly potential best self.

Today, Marilyn and her team gave me the opportunity to transform my boring, all-black date-night look into a va-va-voom look. Her team and the amazing and successful stylist, Denise Caldwell ignited the confidence in me that I had lost so many years ago.

 

For a woman, who at one time in her life always felt like a million bucks and then through a devastating divorce and years of feeling like she didn’t deserve to be beautiful; and then to turn her into a diva through the help of an enthusiastic and confident fashion stylist, hair and makeup gurus and an opportunist talk-show host, is one of the most exhilarating experiences a woman can have. Today, I felt like I was 20 again and like I was a stunning, desirable and confident woman again; the first time in over 12 years.
How do I thank you Heidi Allen for giving me this opportunity? How do I say how much you’ve inspired me Denise Caldwell? And how do I say thanks hair and makeup gurus for bringing back years of lost confidence? But most importantly, how do I say thank you Marilyn for giving average gals like me this experience of a lifetime and memories to last forever.

 Thank you The Marilyn Denis show and team for bringing back the me I thought I lost years ago. Xoxo

Married or Not; You Should Read This

This was shared on my Facebook wall by a friend, I thought I would share it with all of you.

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last-minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

Reality Check

The New Year seems to not be taking off with the bang I had expected it to.  It’s not disastrous but it’s definitely not my cup of tea either.

Let’s start with NYE and NY day.  Instead of being wasted at some party with my friends, bf and family; I was packing and moving mine and my roommate’s belongings to our new homes.  That took up most of the night and most of the morning and afternoon.  The rest of the day was pretty much a blur as all of us were exhausted.

After that I got a mysterious message from someone I had never expected to talk to again in my life.  Somehow, my ex-husband managed to stalk and find me on Facebook and WordPress.  I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with him reading my blog and thinking we can be friends again.  I know people do bad things in their lives and mess up relationships on a daily basis.  But to be friends after being divorced and the hell he put me through?  Like what-the-heck?

We talked on Facebook and on the phone today.  Lots of memories came back of both good times and bad.  But do I really want my past in my present or anywhere near my future?  I don’t think so.  What has been left behind has been left.  There is no need to look backwards at this point.  Life doesn’t move backwards so why should I?  He thinks being nice to me and going down memory lane with me will do what?  Make me forget all the crap he did and said to me?  What am I supposed to just forgive and forget the hell he left me in?  What the heck was I even thinking by responding to him?

And to make matters worst, I’ve come to realize that I may be forcing a relationship onto D.  I’ve been very clear about my intentions with him and what I’m looking for.  But reality slapped me hard in the face today when I realized that I have not been listening to what he has said all along.  I got so caught up in the fact that I thought I had met someone who is perfect for me, someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with; that I didn’t bother to listen to what he was saying indirectly but all this time.  Now I feel stupid.  Yes, again!

The messed up thing is that I was/am so sure that this was it; this was the one.  And so I wanted to rush it.  Quite frankly, I’m just sick of having boyfriends.  Being with him just felt so right, so perfect. It was…it is just easy being with him. There are no complications. No worries. No stress. But I guess, perfection doesn’t really exist, huh?

I was thinking the other day that maybe it’s better to just go the arranged marriage route; parents or the girl find the guy.  The parents arrange the marriage with the guy’s parents.  The girl and guy meet.  They say yes or no.  If yes, they get engaged and weeks after that they get married.  Bada bing, bada boom.

But then my ex-husband contacted me today and I remembered that’s how mine and his marriage happened.  Reality check!  That’s definitely not the way to go.  However, finding a guy, getting to know him, becoming exclusive and then being together for 4 years just to find out that you’re in a dead-end relationship isn’t the way to go either.

Maybe I’ll just stay single.  I mean, really what’s the point in being married anyway?  You compromise half way to make things work.  You sacrifice time and things you love doing to make the other person happy.  You invest all this love, care, affection and yourself.  What for?  Is it all even worth it in the end?

One failed marriage, one broken engagement and 2 hopeless relationships later, my mind and heart tell me it’s better just to being single and continue having fun.