Tag Archives: Emotional

Mom-In-Training: Precious Moments

One of the most precious moments caught on camera was of my love and me, holding pinky fingers as we slept.

I found this photo on my phone a few days ago; it must have been from the night when she got in trouble from me and cried herself to sleep.

We had a rough day, the two of us, and when it was bedtime, I lay there beside her explaining how words and actions can hurt even mommy and daddy’s feelings. Because we didn’t cry, it didn’t mean that we weren’t hurt.

She was sorry and empathetic. She grabbed my pinky finger and pinky swore to never hurt me or her daddy again. I kissed her forehead and told her it would be alright as long as we all respected and loved each other.

By the time I was done talking, silence had fallen, her tears had dried up and she was peacefully asleep with her pinky finger locked into mine. I soon fell asleep not removing my finger from hers and when I awoke this photo was on my phone.

Daddy must have come in after we fell asleep and captured this moment for me to cherish.

One of the sweetest moments indeed…

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When It Rains It Pours

Good morning, my lovelies. I’ve been procrastinating to write lately. Our lives have turned into a shit-show over the past few weeks. I’ve finished all my placement requirements and will write my exam on Tuesday. The end of my course is here and time has flown by too quickly.

I had planned to begin preparing for the Registered Practical Nursing program as soon as my exam for this course was over. However, now that plan seems highly unlikely to begin.

D’s lost his job and is home most days and we’re struggling to make ends meet. I’ve got bills coming out of my arse and things are just going haywire from there. Everything just seems like a complete cluster-fuck right now with no light at the end of the tunnel.

I’ve begun apply for jobs already and as much as I should be focusing on my studying, I’ve barely opened my books since all this began. Every time I think about studying my mind drifts away to the daily stresses that are my life right now and I can’t concentrate. So, I put away my books and end up sitting idly staring at the wall.

That’s where we are right now. It is what it is. I best I can do right now is not break down and allow this crap to take its course and not break us down in the process.

Tuesday is my exam, so please send me lots of positive energy and blessings. I’m fairly confident about my knowledge and ability to pass but still blessings never go unanswered, so send some my way, if you will and thanks in advance.

I’ll update you all in a few days on how it went and where we are with the jobs and all that other stuff. Have a blessed Sunday!

Xoxo ~ Tamana

Remembrance Day

“They shall not grow old, as we that are left shall grow old: age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we shall remember them.” – Laurence Binyon, “Ode of Remembrance”

On the 11th minute of the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month bow your head and take a moment to remember what the veterans across the world have done for all of us. Please take a moment to honour their lives and cherish their memories.

Regardless of your race, colour, religion or culture, you are a human being first and foremost and in your country and in our world, there have been veterans that gave their lives so that we could be who we are today.

Lest we forget.

Nid’s 5th Birthday Letter

Happy Birthday, doll! May God bless you with all life’s joys and happiness. May you forever be loved and blessed. May you grow to become a beautiful person, inside and out. May you always know how much your mommy and daddy love you. God bless you, my darling. 

The past five years have gone by far to fast. Your daddy and I are amazed at how quickly you’re growing up and how independent you’re becoming. From the day we brought you home, you were the blessing in our home and lives and with every day that passes, we are reminded by the blessing you are. 

This year, you’ve become more independent than ever. You’re helping me in the kitchen with cooking and baking cakes (with the hope of licking the frosting off the spoons). You’ve helped me hang laundry and fold your own clothes. You’ve even encouraged me to read more, as your interest to visit the library has sparked an interest in me and so our weekly library visits have turned into a special time for both of us. 

You started French immersion school this year and have taken on the new language with such interest and pride. Your favourite song, bonjour les amie, is amazing to listen to, even though you sing it over and over again. You love counting in French and we’ve made a game out of it. It’s fantastic how quickly you’re picking it all up. We are so proud of you and your accomplishments.

Congratulations, my doll for achieving so much this past year. God bless you always. Mommy and daddy love you dearly! Happy 5th Birthday!

The Last Sprint

I begun my placement at a long-term care facility last week; which means I’m nearing the end of my program. Yay!Class time went by far too quickly. I am astonished at how fast the last six months have gone by. Here I am now at my placement and is it ever a culture shock. Everything we learned and did in class, didn’t prepare me for what was waiting for me on the other end. 

Working at a long-term care facility is so different than anything I’ve ever done before. It’s a different world altogether. Many of the things I’ve learned and many of the expectations I had are all so different than the reality that is before me.

But I will say that working here has given me a very different perspective of how much work personal support workers (PSWs) and nurses do. I’ve begun to feel so much compassion for the residents I care for and the other PSWs I work with. 

It’s a lot of hard work, though and I come home somewhat drained; the 33+ degrees temperature outside doesn’t help either. 

I was a bit overwhelmed the first few days but this week is starting to look up and I am feeling more confident with each task I perform. 

We’ll see how the rest of the week and the next one goes and hopefully, my confidence sores. Stay tuned for more updates. Xoxo

He Wasn’t My Best Friend, After All. 

I had a best friend; he was one of the closest people to me. He knew all my secrets and all of my fears. I shared everything with him and went out of my way to always make him smile. When he asked me for a favour, I made it my priority to fulfill it. I was always there. He was my best friend in the whole world. 
Or so I thought.

He was never actually my best friend. I was never actually his priority. He never went out of his way to make me smile or happy. He was just a friend. Yes, he made me smile and he helped me out when I asked. 

But he let my friendship with him nearly end over another relationship. 

He left a year ago and recently came back. Prior to coming back, we spoke once. He apologized for everything and I forgave him. 

When I found out he was finally coming back, I thought I was getting my best friend back. I thought everything would go back to how it previously was. I thought…so much. But none of it did.

He came back completely changed. He wasn’t the person I called my best friend. The fact that I even consider him a friend now is surprising to me. Although jokingly, he denies being my friend at all. We argue now and he puts me down in front of other people. He questions my decisions and motives. He treats me as if he is just tolerating me because we work together. 

Since he’s been back, I’ve tried talking to him and figuring out why he acts the way he does towards me. But he just responds with sarcasm or ignores the question all together. I’ve tried to leave things as they are and move on but find it ridiculously hard to do so. This person was supposed to be the person I called my best friend. He was supposed to be my support system and one of the ones making me laugh and smile. 

But he no longer was any of those things. Or maybe he was never any of those things to start with and it was an illusion of my own mind. I was his best friend but he was never mine and may never be.

Time Doesn’t Change Anything

Most people say that time heals everything. Time will pass and your feelings will fade away. Time will allow distance. Time will ease your worries. Time will heal your wounds. Time will change the way you feel about someone.

A year has passed but my feelings remain the same. I thought that distance, confrontation, avoidance and time would change how I felt a year ago. But it hasn’t. Everything is the same. I am the same. Nothing about me has changed except maybe I’m a bit more tolerant. No. I’m not more tolerant. It’s eating me from the inside out. Maybe I’m more inexpressive and can hide my feelings better than I could a year ago. Yes, that is what it is.

A year ago, when I allowed my emotions and thoughts to come out, it nearly tore my world apart. I learned so many lessons about the people around me and how everything changes once you wear your heart on your sleeve. 

But right now, I can’t wear my heart on my sleeve anymore. I can’t express how I feel anymore. I can’t let out anything that’s inside me anymore because people take advantage of your feelings and take you for granted and hurt you as if you’ll crumble without them.

Time has not changed anything; except it has taught me to change who I am. I used to be the bold, outspoken girl who didn’t hide anything. What was in her heart was on her lips. But now, I’ve become quiet. I can’t even write what’s in my heart for the fear of tearing my world apart. 

I just have one question though, how long do you let your silence stop you from being you?