Tag Archives: Emotional

People

Anyone that knows me personally knows I don’t generally like people. I’m diplomatic and friendly, where and when I need to be. But I’m also quite the jerk, asshole, bitch, whatever you want to call me.

I don’t have tolerance for ignorance or stupidity and find overly-sweet, bubbly people annoying to the point of wanting to punch them the minute they open their mouth.

And it’s not because I’m bitter or depressed or angry at the world. I just don’t like people.

However, this past year, I have been blessed to meet a few (yes, I said a few) smart, sassy, and my level of asshole-ness people. And can you believe it, some of them are actually women! (I can’t tolerate women more than not being able to tolerate men because the women I’ve met in the past have been jealous, gossiping, backstabbing, two-faced bitches. So for me to actually get close to women, it’s a big accomplishment, blessing, etc. what have you.)

I want to write about these people and how they’ve impacted my life and have made me appreciate friendship on a whole new level. But to write about each of them in one post would be annoying as hell and long and boring for you to read. I’m going to be doing a series called: The Impact Of Friendship (title subject to change) over the next several days/weeks and speak to each of these friendships and human-beings that are becoming a part of who I am.

I hope you’ll stay tuned and join me as I take you through my new friendships.

Until then, stay blessed and safe. Xoxo

~ Tamana

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Love Is Such A Weird Phenomenon – Ruby Dhal

I recently started following a writer/poet on Instagram named Ruby Dhal (@r.dhalwriter). She is absolutely brilliant in the way she describes everything we feel and go through.

Yesterday she posted an explanation on love; it was one of the best ways to describe this stupidly, exhilarating emotion and experience. I thought it was only fair to share with you.

“Love is such a weird phenomenon. You look at one person and suddenly your heart decides that your whole universe will revolve around them. You tie your emotions, your happiness, your wishes and dreams to that one being as if they have all of the answers to every single question about your life. Love is so weird because, if you think about it, it is completely irrational to hold one person and make them the center of your existence. It is completely irrational to think that just their presence is enough to make everything okay. Just one smile on their face is enough to make our day. Just one hug somehow has the power to solve all of our problems. It is completely irrational. But still we do it anyway. We fall for people and we let them fall for us in the most beautiful way possible, as if that is what destiny requires from us. Love is so unimaginably magnificent despite it all, despite its irrationality, its ability to control everything in our lives and despite the undeniable pain it brings with it, I don’t think we would have it any other way.” – Ruby Dhal

Follow Ruby on Instagram @r.dhalwriter

Who Are You?

Everyday of our lives, we meet someone new. Some are passerby’s, some stay awhile and depart and some become a part of us forever. But regardless of what their role is in our lives, they leave a piece of them with us and take a piece of us as they go.

We see only what they are willing to let us see. We hear only as much as they are willing to tell us and we feel only as much as they are willing to let us feel.

But then there are some people that come into our lives, who have the power to disturb everything we were so comfortable with. These people are more us, than us ourselves. It’s as if they were missing from the us we knew ourselves to be. You feel different, you act differently, you become a part of this person that you didn’t even know existed. And just when you thought, you knew everything there was to know or you felt everything you needed to feel, the mask comes off.

The existence of us disappears. Everything you thought you knew is no longer relevant. They are no more of us than us ourselves. They never were. Your mind created this existence that you thought you knew. Your eyes imagined this face that was never really there.

It was all an illusion of your mind. The person you thought you felt was never really there. It was all your imagination and foolishness. You allowed yourself to see a face, feel an existence that never was.

You’re left hollow, dumbfounded and feeling stupid for feeling anything at all and it shatters your core, rips through your soul piece by piece, shard by shard, letting you feel every tear as if a thousand knives were striking you. You are left unable to move, unable to think, unable to explain who it was you had experienced. So, who are you now if you aren’t the you that you thought you were when this person was more of you than yourself?

Happy Birthday Little Nephew

Dearest Nephew, I wish you all the love in the world. I wish you tons of happiness and success and growth.

You are the son I never had and you are one of the most dearest people in my life. I know I don’t show it as much as I should and that’s mostly because I don’t know how to act around children, even my own Nid leaves me all confused at times; but know that I love you more than you’ll ever know and more than I’ll ever show.

Your maasi will be here for you whenever you need a little push and whenever you need a place to go just to be yourself and have fun. But I’ll also be here for you when you’re doing something wrong, I will be the one to kick your butt for it and then I will be your guidance and your strength and make sure whatever you do in your life, you succeed at it. I will be that friend you can come to when you’re scared to talk to your mom or dad. I’ll be that reassurance when you can’t find yourself in the dark and I will hold your hand and walk with you through every scary, dark tunnel and into the rays of the sun.

For you my dear, are a part of me and hold one of the greatest spots in my heart.

I love you, Ujji and even if I don’t show it enough, don’t you ever forget that.

Happy Birthday sweetheart!

~ Maasi ~ Tamana

What Changed?

Someone asked me this question yesterday, “what changed? You seem different now.” They said I had a glow to my face, a sparkle in my eye and a confidence that hadn’t been there for a long time in any of my pictures. “So, what changed?”

Someone else asked me if I had someone new in my life; someone bringing out the beauty in me. I laughed and said “yes, there’s someone in my life but they aren’t new; I just lost them for a while and found them again.” She honestly thought I was cheating on my husband and had gone back to an ex-boyfriend or something.

I explained to her, it was nothing of the sort. I told her I didn’t have time for anyone new or old back in my life right now. She looked dumbfounded at me and asked what the fuck I was talking about.

I continued to explain, I found myself again; the same self I allowed to disappear behind all the people and things I was so happily wasting myself and energy on. I cut so many toxic and negative people and things out of my life. I needed to make peace with myself.

“I gave you more than I gave myself. So loyal to you that I betrayed myself.” – Cardi B

It took me a long time to realize that the battle wasn’t between me and the world, but instead it was between me and myself.

And I won.

The next day, everything changed on it’s own. My charisma was back, the sparkle and glow returned. The waking up in the morning with a smile on my face became a part of my life again. And most importantly, I slept; not for an hour or two, but a full night’s sleep, without interruption.

So, to answer your question about what changed, I chose me, again. That’s all that needed changing.

~ Tamana

Familiar Stranger

Have you ever met someone and felt like you had known them all your life? Like the two of you just connect and everything fit perfectly in place? You didn’t realize what level you connected on or what to think of it all while they were around.

And the funny thing is, before that day you didn’t even know they existed and now all of a sudden you know this person, you connected with them on some weird spiritual, intellectual or emotional level and then they’re suddenly gone from your life again without even as much as a goodbye.

You’re stuck wondering if they felt the same or were hit with that same connection. But you can’t ask them because you don’t know in which corner of the world they suddenly moved to and where they’re going on with their life. They’ve disappeared just as easily as they appeared into your world. You can’t ask anyone about them or search them up because there are some people out there that aren’t keen on wanting to be found or exploiting themselves all over social media like the rest of us.

I recently met a familiar stranger and now that person has disappeared and I’m left wondering if I lost someone that was supposed to be a part of my life and world, I think I lost a friend before they became one.

I have no way of contacting them except once I told them about my blog and I’m hoping my familiar stranger bothered to look it up and will read this post eventually and know I’m writing about them and get back in touch with me. ~ Tamana

First Day Of Grade 1

My little darling, Nid, you continue to amaze me every day with how smart and loving you are becoming.

As you begin a new chapter in your life, I want to wish you wisdom and strength. I want to wish you laughter and friendship. I want to wish you happiness and compromise. But most importantly, my darling, I want to wish you love.

Senior Kindergarten was a tough year for you on so many levels. You experienced bullying; some done to you and some done by you. You experienced uncertainty when learning a foreign language. You experienced separation anxiety when you were first put on the school bus. You experienced, independence when asked to bring home your uniforms and containers daily. You experienced growth when given homework every Friday.

My love, you rose above all your obstacles and shined brighter than the North Star. You proved my uncertainties wrong and excelled in everything you took on.

This year, as you enter grade 1, I want to wish you this one prayer:

Dear Lord:

Thank you for the gift of my child.

Please watch over her as she goes back to school and protect her from negative influences.

Help her to be a light to others and help her show love, care, and respect to her friends and teachers.

Please protect her from bullies but if she faces one, give her courage to stand up for herself and others.

Help her to remember that when she is scared, You are with her. As much as I love my child, You love her even more and I know You will be watching over her. Amen. 🙏🏼

I love you, little lady and hope you have an amazing grade 1. Xoxo

~Tamana