Rene’s Birthday

Happy Belated Birthday, Rene! We celebrated part one of your birthday this past week and I didn’t get to write about it, until now.

First, let me wish you all the love and all the finest things this world has to offer. I pray and wish that your every desire is fulfilled and you are always surrounded by the ones that truly love, respect and appreciate you.

I wanted to write a special post for you because I need you to know how dear and special you are to me. You’ve become one of my closest friends at work and now outside of work too. You’re much younger than me but age is just a number and it doesn’t define our friendship or how we interact or feel about each other.

Walking into work, I never would’ve guessed I’d meet an asshole bigger than me (let alone two), that would compliment my personality or crazy thoughts on life. But there you and Shauna were (lol).

You keep things real, there’s no bullshit behind the interior or exterior. You say it how it is and I love that about you. You keep me feeling young and make each day wild, as it should be.

I am so thankful that first day I complimented your hair, because that started a friendship I know can last a lifetime. Honestly, you’re like my family now and I am so grateful for that!

Love you bae!

~ Tamana

A Final Goodbye

Yesterday I learned of another friend and colleague losing her battle to cancer. She had fought so hard, for so long and passed away in her sleep on Saturday, July 25th.

The hardest part is knowing that barely anyone knew at work that things had taken such a drastic turn for the worst. I had just messaged her on Facebook last Tuesday after reading she had been in the hospital. I wanted to make sure she was doing okay and it wasn’t anything serious. I wish she had responded. I wish she had told me that things were getting bad and let me come visit her.

Dearest Jo,

My heart aches terribly to hear of your passing. I know how hard you fought and how strong you’ve been over the past couple of years, stronger than anyone else I’ve known. You always had a smile on your face and never let this cancer thing get the best of you. Even though you were fighting the toughest battle of your life, you always made sure the ones around you were doing okay. It always amazed me at how confident and put-together you always were.

I remember working on the holiday guide with you. We were constantly at each others throats when it came to that specific project. We even yelled at each other on the day of the launch. But you didn’t let that come between our friendship. You were that type of person; you kept work and friendships separate, although they were interconnected. I envied that about you.

My dear friend and colleague, Jo I will truly miss you and thank you for being a friend. I thank you for all the support and love you gave me over the few years we had known each other. I thank you for letting me get to know you and appreciate what a wonderful person you were.

I wish your family, your son, your spouse and everyone else that had the privilege of getting to know you, strength during this difficult time. I wish them patience and time to accept and handle the pain they are feeling. But most of all, I wish them memories and love for you, for which I know they will forever keep in their hearts.

Rest in Peace, Jo Wallwork. You will never be forgotten.

Related Links:

• Jo Wallwork Obituary – Trull Funeral Home

Sometimes I need help

Sometimes I need help and there’s no one to turn to. There are people I can talk my problems out with; whether they can help or not is a whole other issue. Sometimes I need monetary help. Sometimes it’s a shoulder I need. Sometimes it’s a push to move forward. Sometimes I need a friend who won’t judge me.

Marriage is one thing. But there are things I don’t want to discuss with my spouse, there are mistakes I make I don’t want to fess up to him. 

Once in a while, I wish I had an older brother or sister that could bail me out of my problems. Someone so close, I could confide my deepest, darkest with. But there is no one that close. 

I have friends, don’t get me wrong. But no one I’d confide deeply in. No one I would ask for help. 

Sometimes I wish someone would put there hand on my shoulder, tell me it’s okay that I messed up and they’ll help me fix the problem without any strings attached. 

But wishes seldom come true. 

Soul-Mate

Have you ever been online, playing a game for instance and received a random hello from your opponent? Or randomly met the same person online over and over that you begin chatting with them every day? Your chats go off the gaming medium to a chat server. You exchange photos of each other, email addresses, even phone numbers.  

Eventually, you decided that you want to speak to them on the phone. The phone conversation turns from a 10-15 minute call to a 6-7 hours one. This person, you’ve never met becomes your closest and dearest friend. You spend endless hours chatting, skyping and talking on the phone with them.

But you’ve never met them.

There are no chances of you meeting them. You are living on two different parts of the world. The physical difference is too great. Nothing you do or they do can bring the two of you physically closer.

Life goes on. You lose contact with your friend. They move forward in their life, as do you.

But somewhere in your heart, in your mind, in your day-to-day routine, they are there. They are everywhere you are. But they are never near, nor ever far. Years pass by and you suddenly think, maybe it’s time I need to reach out again. I need this person to know I still exist, that I am still where I was 10 years ago. You expect them to have forgotten you.

But they haven’t.

They remember every conversation, every experience, every detail, as do you. It dawns on you that they are where you left them 10 years ago; the same place you are. Nothing has changed. But everything has. You are still you, the you, you were 10 years ago. They are still them, the way they were 10 years ago.

No, nothing has changed.

Your simple request to speak to them takes you back 10 years and it’s like nothing has changed. But you both know that things cannot be as they were before. So after the many hours of conversation, you bid your farewell and promise to not call them often. But do emphasis that you’ll reach out to them every few years and wish them a happy life, as they wish you one too.

Life goes back to what it was before that morning. You feel content with yourself and your life. You know their presence is missing from your life but you are happy knowing that after all these years they haven’t forgotten you and remain as your friend.

They are your soul-mate. No marriage. No child. No other friend can change that. This stranger, you know everything about is your soul-mate and that’s enough for you to go on with your life, for they are with you everyday, everywhere, all around.

Sometimes Letting Go Is The Only Option

People come into our lives all the time. Sometimes they stay for a little while and leave. Sometimes they stay for a long while and leave a footprint on our hearts. Then there are people that come into our lives who you think you’ll know forever because you automatically hit if off; connected with them in a way you haven’t connected with anyone else before and then they suddenly depart. It leaves you searching for answers and looking for reasoning. You cannot come to terms with the fact that this person has departed your life without even as much as a goodbye. Days pass by. Weeks pass by. Even months pass by. You try your hardest to reach out to them, but they don’t respond.

Then there comes the hard decision to delete them from your social media accounts and close their chapter in your life for good. Clearly they are not responding because they have moved on. Shouldn’t you do the same?

For me, letting go of someone I considered such a great friend is extremely difficult. Over the past 8 months, day-by-day I have lost a little bit more of my friend to the point where I don’t think people would even consider us friends anymore. But I did still consider her to be my friend, that is until this morning when I took the decision to “unfriend” her off Facebook. It was an extremely hard decision but one that needed to be done.

I only allow access to people on Facebook if they are active in my life and/or a relative I care enough about to continue to keep in touch with them. When I first opened my Facebook account, I had over 1000 “friends” on it. As the years passed by, I realized I wasn’t going to speak to nearly 900 of these people ever in my life again and if that was the case, they didn’t need to know what was going on in my personal life and vice-verse. I learned this a long time ago – the more people you interact with from your past, the more drama its going to cause. So, for the last couple of years, I’ve done an annual clean-up and purge of my Facebook contacts, keeping only a select bunch that truly matter.

This is why it was so hard for me to delete her from Facebook.

For the past 4 years of my life, during some of the biggest moments of my life, she was there. She supported me. She celebrated me. She was my shoulder. She was my big sister. She was my mentor at work. And now she’s gone. I don’t know what went wrong and why. I guess it is what it is and I should suck it up and move on. It just hurts me and makes me sad that she recently celebrated one of the biggest things in her life and I was nowhere near part of it the way she was for me during my time.

I wonder if she’ll ever look back at the last 4 years and remember the crazy, funny, amazing times we had. If she does and recalls my blog, she’ll stumble upon this post and realize its about her and when she does, I want her to know that I am thankful for everything she did for me over the past 4 years. I’m thankful for the friend she was and grateful to have met her. I will miss her and never forget her. I wish her happiness, health and love for all her life. And if our paths ever were to cross again, I hope we can meet the way we were before today.

Heartbroken Today

It’s New Year’s Eve. We should be bidding farewell to the previous year and celebrating the beginning of a new one. But today I am bidding farewell to an amazing person. A person I didn’t know personally but only professionally. A person I would love to call my friend. A beautiful girl who touched everyone’s heart she met. I wrote about her back in August, but just got this update about her now…

I am completely devastated and heartbroken today. I was recently told her fight with leukaemia took a turn for the worst and she was going to be taken off life support today. I don’t understand why these things happen to such good people. I don’t understand why it had to be her. She was such a kind person with a smile forever on her face and a zest for life. And even though leukaemia had cursed her, she never lost hope and was always positive about it. She wrote about her battle. I’d like you to visit her blog and read her story.

She’s such a brave and amazing person. I’m going to miss her dearly. I wish her family lots of love and strength through this difficult time. I wish a miracle could happen and heal her of all her pains and illnesses and she would wake up after the life support came off and was fully recovered. I wish I could give her a big hug and tell her how amazing she was. I wish she would email like she used to and bug me for reservation dates at work and then be ever so thankful for me “working my magic” as she always said.

I’ll miss you Trish. And although we weren’t the closest of friends, I want you to know that you were one of the best people I have ever worked with. Lots of love and prayers your way. I lit a candle for you today and will keep it burning with the hope that you miraculously recover. God bless and lots of love.

Did I Lose A Friend?

Recently, a friend of mine has been going through some domestic issues. He’s been quite stressed for sometime now. We’ve talked about his issues time and time again. Sadly though, there is nothing I can do to help him other than be there for him when he needs an ear.

But it’s been a while since I’ve heard from him. The last time we we talked he told me he needs time to deal with his issues and that it may be a while before we talk again. It’s been a long while though. Feels like forever. And I miss him. But I cannot call or text him anymore. I tried a couple of days ago and the only response I got was “I’m ok! U?” Nothing after that. So, I don’t think I should bother to text him anymore. I mean, it clearly seems like he still needs his space.
But I miss him. You see, he was one of those friends I never met before and that required nothing from me. We were just friends. We shared a bond that I have only hoped to share with another human being. Yes, I have D. But this friend was the one who I went to talk about D.

I feel like I’ve lost this friend. I know, I should just leave him alone and let him deal with his stuff. But I can’t seem to stop thinking about him and getting The urge to contact him.

That’s pretty much why I’m writing about it here. That and the fact that occasionally he reads my blog. So, I’m kind of hoping he sees my blog and understands that I miss him and hope things are better at his end.