Tag Archives: happiness

Living Our Best Fake Lives

A couple of days ago I decided to deactivate my Facebook account. I have been an active member of Facebook for over nine years. However, over the past couple of weeks, I realized that everything we post on Facebook and other social media platforms is only partially true. We are all living our best fake lives when sharing them on social media websites and apps. We never post pictures of the depression we deal with or the miseries and setbacks we encounter.

Why is that?

Why is it that we must show the world our very best and not things that make us weak or fragile? After all, each and every one of us struggles with something or the other. But why is it that we only capture the good things that happen to us and share those? Why is it okay to suffer in solitude but celebrate in a crowd?

I recently read a quote that said:

We are a sad generation with happy pictures. – author unknown

The quote struck a nerve with me and resulted in me deactivating my Facebook account. I am tired of showing family and a few very close friends only the partial truth of my life. Yes, my Instagram account is still active and I post on it frequently but do you know what the difference between my Facebook and Instagram account is? My Facebook account had all my family from overseas on it and Instagram has a few friends, many acquaintances and tons of strangers on it. On Instagram I am open about my feelings and miseries, I frequently share quotes about things that may be happening in my life at the moment. Quite frankly, on Instagram I don’t care if anyone judges me because they are not family. But on Facebook, I posted the happy family moments, shared my achievements and celebrations. Because somewhere deep down I know that if I shared the miseries or full reality of my life, I would be judged by my family.

How pathetic is that? We wear a mask in front of our family and bare it all for complete strangers. But that is the reality many of us are living.

With all the changes happening in my life right now, I decided I didn’t want to pretend to be a happy person just for the sake of not being judged, so I deactivated my Facebook account. The family that wants to stay in touch with me will do so by other means and if they actually care enough to know what the full reality of my life is they’ll contact me and ask. Simple as that.

I’m done pretending that I’m living my best life, when in reality that isn’t the truth. Everyone has ups and downs in life, some more than others, either way, we all struggle. So, why put on a show pretending that all is perfect and well when the truth is far from that?

~Tamana

Happy Birthday To Me

A few days ago a friend asked what I was going to do for my birthday. Being in my depressed state of mind at the time, (I’ll explain why below), I told her I had nothing to celebrate. I told her we were going to skip my birthday this year.

But after hanging up the phone with her, I started thinking about her question and more importantly my answer. I did have a lot of celebrate this year. Although, things weren’t going as I had planned for the moment, I still had a very successful year.

A dream, a hope, a desire I had only imagined of and hoped for the past 16 years came true this year. It took everything in my power to make it happen, everything that could go initially wrong went wrong, but the matter of fact is that it finally happened. It changed who I am today and who I will be for the rest of my life.

I also finished my course and graduated with honours. It was a struggle going back to school yet again, but one I am proud of because I exceeded my own expectations.

Finally, my solo trip to Thailand and Malaysia. Who would’ve thought a year ago I’d be on the other side of the world, alone, experiencing a whole different life.

I guess, I had quite the blessed year. My life has completely changed. I may have lost people along the way but I have gained so much more than what I lost and I am so grateful for everyone and everything that has happened in my life this year!

Here’s to me and all my gains! 🥂

~Tamana xoxo đź’•

Mom-In-Training: Happiness

Since Nid was born, I have done everything in my power to be the perfect mom to her. For someone who has never held a baby until her own was born, being a perfect mom has been a struggle and required a lot of extra effort every day.

Many people in my circle know that I don’t like children and even after having my own, that hasn’t changed. I don’t know what it is, I never liked children before and even now I find them annoying. I mean now that Nid is getting older, I definitely enjoy her company more but when she was younger I had no clue with what to do with her. I’m not one of those women that can sit there and play with a baby and go goo gaga all over them, that’s just not me and it never was.

Don’t get me wrong it doesn’t mean that I didn’t or don’t show her love and affection because I do. I just never had the tolerance to sit there and play and pretend to enjoy playing with her, that was her dad’s job. Me and her do other fun things together, like baking, art, crafts, mother-daughter spa days or movie nights.

But the fact of the matter is that I have always tried to be that perfect mom we read about in books and magazines. I try to make sure the house was clean, she always had a snack or food to eat, had clean nice clothes to wear, was learning. Pretty much, I took care of her in every which way possible and always attended to her needs.

However, us moms put so much effort into being that perfect mom because TV, social media, movies and magazines portray moms as these superwomen that can be and do all. My own mother was one of those superwomen; there is not a damn thing she didn’t do for us or her husband and I’m thankful for all she did. Now, when I look at her and think back about growing up, I wonder if my perfect, superwoman mother was happy or not.

Moms put so much emotion and energy into making sure their family and home are well-taken care of that they forget to take care of their own wellbeing and happiness; always putting everyone else’s needs before their own. Ten years ago, my mother would never admit that she wasn’t happy. But the more I get to know her and have confidential conversations with her after becoming an adult, the more I realize she hasn’t truly been happy for a long time. Yes, seeing her children succeed, get married, have families of their own brought her happiness as a mother but as a human being was she happy within herself? I don’t believe so.

I think many women forget that while being the perfect mother, you also need to be happy as a human being. If you’re not happy as a person you could do anything in the world to be the perfect mom and your child will not grow up feeling loved, cared for or happy because your emotional turmoil with yourself will reflect on your children. They will feel the pressure of your unhappiness and it will effect them in the long-run.

I realized that maybe a year or two ago when I took a step back, looked at myself and realized that I was doing everything I should as a mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend. The only thing was I couldn’t see happiness on Nid’s face while doing everything I should be doing for her. She was acting out, getting in way more trouble, having tantrums and not listening when I asked her to do something. The reality was that she was not happy because I was not happy. My depression, anger and anxiety was wearing off on my child and you could clearly see it. Although, we laughed and had fun, as a child, she was not happy.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that my daughter doesn’t need a perfect mom or a perfect home. What she needs is a happy mom and a happy place to come home to; where love was ample and happiness reflected in everything around her.

A year ago, I began this journey of finding myself and working on making myself happy. At times that means I am choosing myself over everyone and everything else. It means I am being a little selfish when it comes to my mental, physical and spiritual health. It means I am working on making sure I am happy as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend but more importantly as a person. It has been a struggle to put my needs first and I am very slowly crawling towards prioritizing myself first but I’m getting there. Slowly but surely. And it shows when I look at Nid and how she behaves. I know I still have a lot more work to do to get to where I should be but any progress forward is good progress.

It’s simple; choose you first because if you’re not happy as a person, then you’ll never be happy playing all the roles you play in the lives of others.

~Tamana

Happiness Vibes

Do you ever catch yourself daydreaming? Do you ever catch yourself thinking uncontrollably about being happy? Do you ever find yourself lost in a different world?

I chose to be happy. Life isn’t perfect. The characters in this life aren’t perfect either. But I decided to look beyond perfection and choose happiness instead of picking at flaws.

Maybe it is the decision of wanting to exhale all the bullshit I’ve kept inside me for long. Maybe it is all about finding myself and loving myself all over again. Maybe it is choosing to accept the things I cannot change and making the best out of the worst situations I could be in.

Whatever the cause maybe; I feel light, at peace and content in this moment and I haven’t felt that in many years.

Life will always throw curveballs your way and try to push you off track. The thing to keep in mind is to catch that ball and throw it back even harder than it originally came at you. So, I’m doing just that: throwing back all the negativity and fuckery thrown at me and allowing myself to only accept happiness and things that feed my soul.

I’ve caught myself daydreaming, lost in another dimension, in love madly with my person and I haven’t felt more beautiful, relieved and at one with myself than I have ever before.

So, go #exhalethebullshit and fall in love with life again because yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn’t promised. Life is too short to be anything but happy.

~Tamana

5 Year Anniversary 

Yesterday, Dev and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary. We didn’t do anything extravagant or buy any gifts for each other this time around. We just spent the whole day together, with Nid and my family as my mother had prepared an amazing lunch for us. It was a nice day. 

As we were driving home from their house, I reminisced on all we had gone through over the past five years. All the ups and all the downs, all the fun trips, exploring and experiencing new things. All of the disagreements and moments when our personalities clashed. All the times we held each other and overcame our doubts and fears. And through all the those years and events, I realized that I married a gem-of-a-person because not once did he make me feel inferior to him or give me a doubt that we’d separate. He held my hand through it all and always reassured me that we’d get through it. 

As I remember everything we’ve done and experienced, I cannot help but count my blessings for having met the love of my life. I cannot thank him enough for loving me and taking care of me the way that he does. 

Happy Anniversary, babe. I love you and forever will and can’t wait to hold your hand through the next 50-60-70 years with you!

Merry Christmas 

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you’re surrounded by amazing food, tons of laughs, happiness and all of your loved ones. 

Last night, I held Christmas Eve drinks and dinner for my darling brother, his girlfriend and a couple of our friends. I was quite tipsy but I think everyone enjoyed themselves and the food.

I’ll be surrounded by some of our closest friends tonight and will be preparing a feast to share with them. I’m so excited to begin cooking and setting my table. So, I’ll take your leave now. But I hope you’re all as blessed as I am to have all the necessities and then some to enjoy Christmas without much worrying. 

Merry Christmas!

To The Man That Gave Me His Optimum Points

On Friday night I went into Shopper’s Drug Mart to grab a Christmas present for a friend. As I was waiting to cash out, the gentleman in front of me was purchasing numerous gift sets of perfume. He seemed nice and was joking with the cashier and me as we waited for his items to be rung up. Jokingly, I said to him, “you forgot my gift set.” He laughed and said had he known I was coming he would’ve waited. I laughed and thought that was the end of the conversation. But the cashier joked back and said that maybe he would give me his Optimum points for the transaction if he didn’t want them. He smiled and said, “sure, you can have those points.” 

I didn’t think much of it as I swiped my phone to collect the points. I thought maybe he gave me 2000-3000 points which isn’t a big deal. But after I finished paying for my own items and looked down at my receipt, I noticed that when I swiped my phone for his transaction there was preloaded 15x the points coupon on my account; which caused his transaction to give me 60,000 points, taking my point balance up to the $170 redemption mark. I looked at him and told him what he’d just done for me and he said, “well, Merry Christmas and if you’d like to pay it forward, give your time to the Salvation Army by volunteering.” I promised him that I would pay it forward before this holiday season was over, thanked him and walked out completely shocked and grateful for this man I’ve never met before.I mean who walks around giving people nearly $200 of points without a second thought? My husband still can’t believe it and neither can I.

Changing jobs has definitely put a slight damper on my budget this year and I am more cautious with how much I am spending on gifts and groceries. But with this generous gift from that gentleman, I can add a little extra for my family and friends or maybe even get myself a little gift this year.

To the man I’ve never seen before, who offered me his points at Shopper’s Drug Mart on Friday, I would like to say thank you and may God bless you for this simple but such kind gesture. I promise you, I will pay it forward by helping someone else that truly needs it. And I want you to know that you’ve restored a little bit faith in humanity for me and reminded me that nice people do still exist. Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year to you and all of your loved ones.