Tag Archives: Health

Standing Still With Anxiety Attacks

It seems like nowadays I am just standing still but the world around me is moving so fast. I feel like nothing is happening. I feel like I am right where I was six months ago. I feel like nothing has changed; however, deep down inside of me I know a lot has changed.

I know I am not standing still. I know I am moving forward. I know the little changes and the little mindsets that I have set for myself are doing things and improving the quality of my life. However, I do not see the results as quickly as I had hoped I would.

Many things have happened over the past several months. Unfortunately, I am not yet ready to openly discuss them. However, situations have occurred and are occurring. But this feeling of being stuck is what is causing me despair and anxiety.

Since last October, after my trip to Malaysia and Phuket, I developed anxiety attacks. At first, I didn’t understand what was happening to me or how to deal with them. Over the past nine months the attacks have increased in frequency and intensity.

I have always been the type of person to control my emotions and handle my depression and like my depression I thought I was handling these attacks (that is, once I figured out what they were). But a month or so ago, I was in crisis. I had one of the worst anxiety attacks and moments of weakness I have ever endured. No matter what I tried, nothing helped; I wrote, I did breathing exercises, I took a cool shower, I ate a light meal and drank tons of water, I even meditated and prayed.

Nothing worked and it so happened that at my weakest moment, I remembered a girlfriend had dealt with anxiety and panic attacks in the past. I messaged her and thankfully she responded quickly. After I explained to her how I was feeling and what I was going through, she identified my so-called weakness as anxiety attacks and stayed on the phone with me until I calmed down. She advised me to speak to my physician and get help as soon as possible and I did just that.

I called my physician’s office first thing the next morning and explained to him what I had been going through and the events of the night before. He too diagnosed my behaviour and symptoms as anxiety attacks and prescribed anti-anxiety pills to help ease the emotions and symptoms and antidepressants for ongoing use, along with a follow-up psychiatric assessment as soon as the lockdown was over.

It has been about four weeks since all of this took place and I am still waiting for the psychiatric assessment. In the meantime, I have been taking the medication prescribed to me. I personally didn’t take notice to my mood, feelings or behaviour changing over the past four weeks.

My daughter, on the other hand, did. She noticed a huge difference in my mood, in the tone of my voice and in my behaviour. I remember, we were sitting in the balcony listening to music while she blew bubbles. She suddenly stopped and turned to me and stated, “Mom, you seem happier nowadays!”

I couldn’t believe it. My seven-year old immediately picked up on the changes I myself hadn’t taken notice to. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was feeling happier, less stressed, angry or upset lately. I noticed I was getting out of bed more often and even taking her for daily walks and making plans for fun activities. Five months of misery and depression had finally started to fade away.

I am so grateful for that girlfriend, who stayed with me during my crisis and quickly identified my issues. I am so grateful for that physician who asked all the right questions and didn’t rush me off the phone or dismissed my symptoms. I am so grateful that medications like these exist to help people immediately deal with their crisis’s.

I know, I am not completely cured and still have a lot of psychological issues that need to be dealt with. In due time, I will seek the help I need from a psychiatrist. However, for the moment, I have to say Alhamdullilah for getting the urgent help I needed during my time of need.

I normally don’t give advise, however, if you or a loved one is feeling anxious, uneasy, depressed, suicidal or are in crisis, please seek help from loved ones and professionals; from a first hand experience, I promise you, it will be worth it. Please don’t let the stigma about mental health stop you from getting the help you need. Life is too precious to let our demons take over us and win.

Stay Safe Out There!

I know I’ve abandoned my blog lately; a lot has happened over the past several months that required my more immediate response than my blog.

But I’m still around. I had a couple of health issues arise over the past couple of weeks that are slowly resolving themselves. No corona! Thankfully! 🙏🏼

I hope you’re staying safe and are taking this coronavirus crisis seriously. No one is immune to it and everyone is vulnerable. Please keep yourself and your loved ones safe, listen to your local authorities, stay home and regularly perform safe hand-hygiene and lets all pray for our healthcare workers that are putting themselves on the line to make sure we’re all safe!

I will try to post a little more frequently as soon as I can. In the meantime, keep me in your prays as I’ll keep all of you in mine. 🙏🏼🤲🏻

Xoxo ~ Tamana

Quick Update

I feel like I have abandoned my blog lately. But so much is going on that I can’t find the time to write and when the opportunity does present itself, I’m lost in thoughts so deeply that my fingers can’t seem to form words.

I’m nearly at the end of my medical office course and the schedule and course-load has jumped into fast gear. There’s a lot to study these days and although I should probably be studying right now, I’m procrastinating. But this procrastination is a good one, since I’m actually doing something productive by blogging!

Anyway, the update is that my health is absolute shit right now, my heart hurts more days than it feels warm and light, I’ve only lost about 8 lbs. since I began working out and trying to focus on eating properly (which for the record, isn’t going well either). I let someone back into my life a few months ago, well to be honest, they never left my life, we just didn’t talk for a while. But they’re back and I have found myself smiling even when there’s nothing to smile about. However, due to their return, my mind has been really focused on them lately. And no, I’m not going into detail on who they are and why they’re back. If you know my past, you know who they are and you also know how this person can never leave, no matter what happens in our lives.

That’s where I am right now. School and my health are really kicking my ass lately and that leaves me drained and I’ve found myself over medicating to get rest. But out of all the craziness and stupidity that is my life right now, I have to say, intermittent fasting has been keeping me going. It’s been about 2 weeks and I don’t feel hungry or deprived. I’m drinking way more water than I used to and even saying no to Coke more often, finally!

I have three more months of school and placement to go and then I’m rewarding myself with a trip of a lifetime before I start looking for jobs and getting back into the grind! I’ll tell you guys more about this trip in another post because right now I’ve got to get my ass off my phone and into my books to study for my exam tomorrow morning.

Until then, stay blessed! Xoxo

~ Tamana

Cluster-Fuck Of Emotions; Am I Pre-Menopausal?

Lately, I feel like I’m on an emotional roller-coaster, begging to get off. One day I’m sane and normal, the next, I’m giddy and happy, the next, I’m contemplating disappearing into thin air, and the next, I’m a hot, angry mess.

Like what the heck? I mean, this is crazier than my normal level of crazy, so what gives?

I’ve noticed myself losing my shit over the most mediocre stuff and then letting stuff that should drive me up the wall just slip past me. I’ve noticed myself crying over the stupidest of things that would normally mean absolutely nothing to me and laughing or not reacting at all at things that would make even the hardest-shell breakdown and cry.

Along with the emotional trauma I am enduring, I’m waking up drenched in sweat and exhausted as if I never slept all night. Well, I don’t sleep all night. My body hasn’t gotten a solid eight hours of sleep in many years but that’s how I am. But I constantly feel restless and tired although, I’ve slept the normal number of hours my body is used to.

I just cannot understand what the heck is wrong with me. Plus, I’m either always hot or always feeling cold; there is no in between, lately. I barely have an appetite and when I do eat, I feel full before I’ve even gotten through half my meal. Also, for the record, my periods are normal and no, I’m not pregnant!

I normally, don’t talk about such “taboo” or private things on here, however, I know there are a few women that read my blog, and I’m hoping one of you will shine some light on the cluster-fuck that has become my mind and body lately before my appointment with my doctor next week.

Have any of you gone through these crazy moments or physical changes before actually hitting menopause? Any insights would be greatly appreciated and of course, I’m reading up on it as well. But I find sometimes when you hear other people’s experiences, you get a better understanding than what you’ll read on Google. So, please share if you’ve experienced anything of the sort as I am.


Hello, May!

image1.jpegApril brought with it an array of horrid weather. I’m sick of all the rain, mixed temperatures, snow and dull, grey skies. I hope May brings the complete opposite!

I’m ready for going on walks and enjoying evenings in the park with my little munchkin. I’m excited for our endless evenings on the balcony blowing bubbles and barbecuing and drives down to the Scarborough Bluffs. It’s about time Toronto got some good weather!

Along with all of that, I’m jumping on the healthy eating and weight loss bandwagon again, starting today. I’ve decided to come working out 4-5 days a week with a mixture of low-carbohydrate foods and intermittent fasting.

Early January, I was doing intermittent fasting and it worked well for me, especially with the way my schedule was. My schedule has slightly changed now, however, I find an 18/6 hour timeline will work best for me. Combine the fasting with a no-white diet or low-carb and I should be on my way to finally getting rid of this post-partum body I’ve held on to so long.

I also, recently purchased dumbbells to get my arms toned. I was looking for at home exercises that were easy and effective and came across a couple of videos on YouTube that has been working out pretty good for me. I go through both videos within 30 minutes and can feel my body burning. Those workouts are going to be combined with 40-60 minute walks and once the pounds start shedding off, I’ll incorporate getting myself to the gym for more intense workouts.

But for now, I’m starting with this and I’m not setting long-term goals because if you know my past history with weight-loss you’ll know that long-term goals haven’t worked for me. So, I’ve made the short, easy to achieve goals for myself, starting with a simple weight loss of 7-10 pounds per month. I think, this goal is realistic and can be easily achieved with determination.

For my stretches, I was looking for a video that stretched my whole body and actually made me feel like I was working hard. The below video has been great for doing just that. 14 minutes of stretches, each stretch ranging about 30 seconds and at the end of it, you feel it throughout your whole body. My daughter loves doing these stretches with me and has become a good after-school activity for us 5-6 times a week.

Here’s one of the videos I’m using to lose arm flab. I’m using 5 lbs. dumbbells I bought at Walmart for really cheap ($5 each) and they work great. This video allows me to work my arms, shoulders and helps my posture and is easy enough to do that I don’t lose my determination to do it. I’m using this video 4 days a week and think it is working great for me.

Complete these exercises with a nice 40-60 minute brisk walk and I promise you, you’ll feel like you’ve accomplished the world when it comes to your health.

I’ve only just begun my routine and so, I cannot post any results yet. However, give me a couple of weeks on this new grind and I’ll post some before/after monthly photos.

Until then, enjoy the resto f your week! xoxo


Quick Update: Health Drama

c64e8e67-97b7-4558-b2b6-2d1e01db56da.jpgHello my lovelies!

I hope you’re all doing well. I am sorry for being  away for the past couple of weeks and not writing. I’ve been dealing with some new health drama that is not relieving itself and which has taken a huge toll on my ability to sit in front of a computer or on my phone and actually type.

A few weeks ago, I woke up with a sore back, tailbone (coccyx) to be exact. I didn’t think much of it because I’ve battled with lower back pain since I had my injury at work last year. However, the pain did not go away and continued to get worst. A few days later, I went to see my physician to complain about the pain and when he checked the area, he found nothing there. However, he did suspect I might be getting a pimple or boil in the spot I kept pointing to. He asked me to monitor it and come back to see him if anything popped up.

A few days later, a boil seemed to form on my tailbone and was extremely tender. I went back to my physician, he informed me that the abscess was at the beginning stages of growth and there was nothing he could do for me, except prescribe me antibiotics because a boil or possible cyst on the tailbone is probably the result of staphylococcus bacteria infecting my body.

I didn’t fill the prescription because I didn’t believe it could be a bacterial infection (dumbass me!) and kept monitoring the growth of the cyst. Five days in it slowly began to grow, however, nothing too major. Then bam! The damn think grew overnight to the size of a golf ball and I developed a high fever. I sent Dev to fill the prescription and began the round of antibiotics.

The following day the cyst began to leak puss and blood and I still had a fever and severe chills.

The following morning, I went in to see the doctor, who informed me that I now needed immediate emergency care and told me to go the nearest emergency room(ER).

Long story short, at the hospital, the ER doctor examined and cut the cyst (pilonidal cyst to be exact) and squeezed out all the built-up puss and blood and sent me home with a new hole in my ass.

Anyway, the cyst went away after about 2-2.5 weeks. However, since then, I have felt excruciating pain in my thighs and lower back. Some days the pain is so bad that I can’t walk, sit, stand and even lying down is uncomfortable. My physician increased my dosage of antibiotics and extended the amount of days I was to take it, he also requested blood and urine tests for me; which I had done last Friday. He’s also put me on muscle relaxers that cause bad drowsiness and a high-dosage of painkillers.

Later today, I am going in to see him to get my test results and to hopefully get answers on why my legs feel like someone has beaten them with a hammer continuously.

I’ll provide an update after my appointment later today. However, I wanted to post at least a quick note (although it’s quite long) to let all of you know what’s been going on with me lately.

Wish me luck for my appointment, that I finally get some answers as to why I’m feeling so crappy and in so much pain! Stay blessed and have an amazing week!

xoxo ~ Tamana


Procrastinating To Write

The new year is here and I’ve already begun procrastinating to write my blog posts. I’ve been finding the brain stimulation to actually write extremely challenging, hence why I haven’t written until now.

To be very honest, I’m physically exhausted. I worked all through the holidays without a break and then ended up with a sinus infection, which I’m still battling now.

Question: do you ever get this feeling that not everything is well in your body? For instance, your legs are constantly sore, you get chills at the weirdest times or feel so lethargic that no matter how much you sleep or try to rest, it just doesn’t seem to be enough?

Well, that’s how I’ve been feeling every day for the past couple of months. I have this constant feeling of feeling unwell.

Yes, I know I should seek medical assistance and get myself checked out and I will later this week.

Although, I did try this last Friday but the impatient, asshole of a doctor I got didn’t even bother to hear me out and dismissed my request to get my annual blood work and physical done because he wasn’t my regular doctor.

Like, hello? I’m telling you I’m not feeling well and that it’s been going on for a few months, how about you don’t jump to write a prescription for antibiotics just because I told you I have a sinus infection and actually do your damn job to check me out and figure out what’s wrong with me?

I’ve never left a doctor’s office so irritated that I could actually punch the doctor for being such an impatient dick. (End rant)

So, now I have to wait to see my regular physician when both of our schedules match. Sigh.

Anyway, I hope your new year has started off with a bang and better than mine. I’m not going to make endless promises that I’m going to write everyday or every week. I will write as my body and mind allow me to write. So, please be patient with me as you always are and come back and check up on me regularly because sooner or later, I’ll be back here again!

Xoxo – stay blessed and enjoy yourselves.

~ Tamana