Tag Archives: life

What Are We Leaving Our Children Behind To?

People encourage me to have another child. My parents, relatives, friends and even regulars at the restaurant tell me that I should have another child before Nid gets too old. I tell them I’m not ready and physiologically and financially cannot afford another child right now.

The fact of the matter is that I am horrified to have the one that I already have grow up in this world and what it’s becoming. Isis killing the Europeans. Americans killing Americans. A race fight. Honour killings. Pedophiles. Gang rapes. People overdosing on drugs that even experts can’t explain. The world is pretty much fucked and it’s just going to get worst.

It scares me shitless thinking my little Nid will one day walk this earth without her parents. How will she deal with everything this world is turning into? How will she cope with all of this? Especially, when her own parents are having a hell of a time handling everything happening in the world.

Sometimes I turn on the news first thing in the morning and nearly end up crying. It’s devastating seeing what human beings are doing to each other and to our planet. How can I imagine another child in this world? I mean, tough luck for Nidhi, she was a golden child so she’s here without a choice of her’s or mine. And I will do everything in my power to leave her in a place where she is strong, brave and capable of handling anything that comes her way. But to intentionally bring another child into this world knowing everything that is happening seems a bit stupid. 

On the flip side, I think God forbid something were to happen to Dev and I, at least Nid would have a sibling. She would need a sibling and companion who knew exactly what she was going through. 

But will they actually be there for each other? I mean, look at me and my brother, we haven’t spoken in nearly 10 years and quite frankly, I’m happy it’s that way. So when I think about that relationship, I figure its best not to have a sibling at all. But that’s my own drama that we’ll keep out of this post for the sake of sanity.

The important matter is that if I bring another child into this world knowing that I haven’t done anything to better it would be a sin and lack of compassion for this world and my children. So, I’ve decided to pay it forward. As most of you know, I can be an incredibly selfish person but equally caring and loving. I am taking a new step in my life to help others and give a little back to this sometimes bitter world. 

Along with changing my career completely so I may help people (details to come), I am also going to be taking Nid with me to help clean our community on afternoon walks on the weekends. Aside from that, I will begin collecting clothes, toys, food from my own home to donate to shelters for youth. I think our youth need the most support right now because after we leave, it will be them that walk this earth and I hope with my efforts, I can change someone’s life for the betterment of their future and cause them to do a little good. 

I know, it’s not a lot but every effort helps and will better our world a bit at a time. I hope my new outlook to better this world for my child, will spark a flame inside of you to also do a little for the betterment of your children and the world they’ll live in. 

A Lesson On Judging Before Knowing The Whole Story

I recently saw this Facebook post about a lesson a teacher taught her students and thought of sharing it with all of you. I feel like sometimes we don’t look at the whole picture and judge or make assumptions. This story is the perfect example of it and a great read for this gloomy Wednesday. Unfortunately, I don’t know who the author is or what website it was posted to, so I can’t give the proper credit to the author. If anyone knows where this was originally posted, please comment and I’ll add the credits to the story. 

A teacher was tutoring a class of students when she relayed a story about a cruise ship capsized while at sea, and on the ship was a couple that managed to make their way to a lifeboat but realized there was only space for one. You’ll never guess what lesson they learned from the story.A cruise ship met with an incident at sea. On the ship was a couple, after having made their way to the lifeboat, they realized that there was only space for one person left.
At this moment, the man pushed the woman behind him and jumped onto the lifeboat himself.
The lady stood on the sinking ship and shouted one sentence to her husband.
The teacher stopped and asked, “What do you think she shouted?”
Most of the students excitedly answered, “I hate you! I was blind!”
Now, the teacher noticed a boy who was silent throughout, she got him to answer and he replied, “Teacher, I believe she would have shouted – Take care of our child!”
The teacher was surprised, asking “Have you heard this story before?”
The boy shook his head, “Nope, but that was what my mom told my dad before she died to disease”.
The teacher lamented, “The answer is right”.
The cruise ship sunk. The man went home and brought up their daughter single-handedly.
Many years later after the death of the man, their daughter found his diary while tidying his belongings.
It turns out that when parents went onto the cruise ship, the mother was already diagnosed with a terminal illness. At the critical moment, the father rushed to the only chance of survival.
He wrote in his diary, “How I wished to sink to the bottom of the ocean with you, but for the sake of our daughter, I can only let you lie forever below the sea alone”.
The story is finished, the class was silent.
The teacher knows that the student has understood the moral of the story, that of the good and the evil in the world, there are many complications behind them which are hard to understand.
Which is why we should never only focus on the surface and judge others without understanding them first.
Those who like to pay the bill, do so not because they are loaded but because they value friendship above money.
Those who take the initiative at work, do so not because they are stupid but because they understand the concept of responsibility.
Those who apologize first after a fight, do so not because they are wrong but because they value the people around them.
Those who are willing to help you, do so not because they owe you anything but because they see you as a true friend.
Those who often text you, do so not because they have nothing better to do but because you are in their heart.
One day, all of us will get separated from each other; we will miss our conversations of everything and nothing; the dreams that we had. Days will pass by, months, years, until this contact becomes rare… One day our children will see our pictures and ask “Who are these people?” And we will smile with invisible tears because a heart is touched with a strong word and you will say: “It was them that I had the best days of my life with.”

Happy Thanksgiving 

Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends and followers. I’m thankful for all of you. I’m thankful for my family and my friends. I’m thankful for the roof over my head, the food in my fridge, the money in my wallet and for my job. I’m thankful all the things I have and all the people in my life. 

Is This My Permanent Normal?

You’ve all probably read my previous blog posts about not feeling well and dealing with vertigo. I’m still feeling the same but with some new symptoms. It’s like one thing goes away and another appears. My physician put me on a pill for migraines, so the migraines have gone away. But the dizziness persists. Along with that, my legs go numb almost every day. They hurt and I constantly feel like I’m getting my period due to the cramps.

I lay in bed all day Saturday and began thinking if this was the new normal that my life has become. I can’t stand for extended periods without feeling like my legs are going to fall off. Moving around makes my head spin and cause my eyes to blur and feel tired. The feeling of feeling unwell has me and my physician baffled because the tests he does come back normal. Somewhere inside me, I’ve stopped believing that he even cares anymore. He tells me most of this is probably caused by my depression. So it’s all in my head because I have depression. 

But I told him my mood is better. I don’t feel depressed these days. His excuse is that depression never goes away, even though I’m not feeling it right this minute. 

So is all this illness in my head? Am I so psychologically tainted that I’ve caused myself to feel all these things? 

I read all these stories about people going through similar stuff for years and their doctors kept telling them it was depression or another mild illness but years later they get diagnosed with a life-changing illness or cancer. Is that going to happen to me as well?

I wonder, if I’m reading too much into this and whether I should stop and just focus on getting better. 

At the end of this month my employment insurance benefits will run out. I have a big decision to make before the month ends; am I going back to work or staying home? How will I survive without an income? If I go back, what if I feel sick and can’t work or perform the way I used to? What if I faint the way I nearly did the last time I left work? What if I feel better all together and all of this goes away? Will my life return to the normalcy that I was used to before all this vertigo and pain started or will the current feeling be the normalcy I’ll have to get used to?

I don’t know what is going to happen at the end of this month or what my decision will be. For now, I’ve decided to go see another doctor and explain everything that has happened to me over the past few months and see what he suggests. Maybe it’s time for a second opinion. I need to know what’s wrong with me before I can decide what I’m going to do with my career. 

My Life Is On Stand Still Mode

  I’ve been home with vertigo for over 15 days and just when I feel like I might be getting over it, I wake up with another headache and the room spins. I feel like my life has just stopped. I can barely do anything around the house. I can’t travel to go to work and if I have to go to the doctors, I have to have someone with me so that I don’t fall or crash the car. Plus, driving when you’re dizzy is very unsafe. So, my neighbor has been nice enough to drive my car and take me where I need to go, especially when I just can’t even think about being in front of the wheel by myself. 

I haven’t had enough concentration to write much either. Every time I think of writing, my head’s either spinning or hurting, or I’m so exhausted that I can’t be bothered. Vertigo is a terrible thing to have!

I went for a balance test a few days ago; which made me feel worst. They try to recreate the dizziness by placing goggles over your eyes and blowing cold then warm air into your ears. I was so nauseous and dizzy after that appointment, that it took me nearly two days to get over the experience and sensation in my ears. 

I’m waiting for two more tests, an MRI and inner ear test before I can find out what’s causing this dizziness. I just hope they find something soon, so that they can guide me to fix it and I can go back to work and return to my life. 

So that’s where my life is right now; stuck in this spinning sensation and waiting for more tests to be done. If I’m MIA for a while, I hope you’ll understand why. 

I’m Trying To Stay Positive

  2016 has started out very bumpy in all aspects of my life; work, home, personal, financial and health. I guess the saying stands true; “when it rains, it pours!” And that’s exactly what’s happening. I’ve stayed away from my blog for the past two weeks because I don’t think you all deserve to read about my issues right now and bring yourselves down. My thought was if I could keep the negativity away, then it wouldn’t shine on your year. 

I’ve done exactly that and haven’t posted about how things are. But my blog is my safe place; it’s where I go when I can’t talk to anyone in my personal circle. It’s a place where I can say and do what I need to and not worry about being judged. So, here I am again. 

I won’t go into much detail about all that is going wrong right now. But I will talk about how I’m trying to make many changes in my day-to-day and thinking deep and hard about my future. I’ve realized I want to do more when it comes to my career. I enjoy doing what I’m doing now but I’m finding the drama and gossiping that comes from working in an agency is beyond what I can handle. I’m not quitting my job, however, I am trying to change how I react to the way people treat each other and how it effects me on a personal and professional level. I’m also hoping to speak to my boss about it to discuss how it’s making me feel. I hope she understands and doesn’t take it as me venting or complaining; what I’m really trying to do is pave my road for success and not get distracted by unnecessary office gossip and drama.

That’s where I am right now, trying to stay positive and fix the bends and bumps that have come up. If I’m MIA for a bit, you’ll understand why. I’m having a moment of trying to figure things out and not make any hasty moves. 

I hope you’re 2016 has started out smoother than mine and you’re paving the road to your success and happiness!

A Couple Of Days Away

  I’m flying out to Detroit this evening for work. I’m excited to be taking a mini trip for work-related reasons as I haven’t had the opportunity to travel with my previous job. I’ll be home on Thursday afternoon, so it’s a pretty quick trip. But nonetheless, it’s a couple of nights away and I get to be on a plane; which I always love. There’s just something about being up in the sky, above the clouds, the take off and landing that certainly excites me. 
I had a very shitty last week. Everything that could go wrong at work, did. It was as if before one clusterfuck could end, another would start. Then my car’s emissions failed and ended up costing me a pretty penny to get fixed. Finally, the end of the week had me feeling a little better, as it was my birthday and my darling husband surprised me with so many things and kind gestures. I certainly felt loved and mich better about the week that had just passed. 

But yesterday came and I thought I was going to die. My car’s brakes failed while I was in the middle of the morning rush. Bumper to bumper traffic and my car wouldn’t stop. The split second from me realizing what was happening to finally getting the vehicle stopped, I saw my life flash by me. Thankfully, I wasn’t injured, the car will eventually be okay after a lot of money and servicing. But I was slightly traumatized by the experience. By the time I reach the mechanic, I was shaking and couldn’t help but cry. I called Dev and my boss to explain what happened and told them I was going to go home. 

For a long while though, I just said at the bus stop and didn’t move. I was confused and nervous and very much miserable. I got on the bus to go home but halfway there decided it would be better to go to work, especially with this trip looming over my head. 

I am fine, physically at least. Emotionally, I feel on edge and a bit unstable. A lot of little things and this big thing have happened over the past few days, I feel spent. So, I’m praying and hoping that this is the end of it for the next long while and this trip to Detroit will be refreshing and will tone down the crazy that has been my life over the past few days. 

Alright, I’m off now. Enjoy your week and don’t let the craziness of the ups and downs get the best of you. Xoxo

~Tamana