Tag Archives: life

The Scariest Moment Came When

She’s 3/4’s into her day and tries to call M. No answer. She decides to call again when her work day is over.

She’s leaving work, walking out the door and reaching for her cell phone. As always she calls M to tell him she’s on her way home. He doesn’t answer. She tries again. No answer. Then waits a few moments. She’s in the car now, driving home, she tries again; still not answer.

She’s worried now. It’s been several hours. He’s still not answering. She tries to focus on the road but her mind is set to reaching him. She continuously calls, over and over again. He’s not answering. She’s worried. She’s anxious. She’s stressed out. Her focus is shifting from the road to the clock on her dashboard, to the phone and back again.

She’s almost home now, but still no answer. As she pulls into her building’s visitor parking area, an ambulance with sirens and all, rushes past her building. Then another. Then a fire truck and 2 police cruisers. They’re rushing toward M’s street nearly 5 minutes away.

She tries to shake away the thoughts that are now filling in her head. She’s out of the car, ready to go upstairs. But the sirens are screaming in her ears.

She’s hopped back into the car and is now on a mission to find M. She’s rushing through the traffic and searching and scanning the cars on the opposite side of the road. But he’s not there.

Then suddenly her gaze moves back to her side of the road and she realizes she’s about to hit a lady crossing the street with a stroller. What does she do? How does she control her truck. Everything she learned about emergency situations while driving has completely left her mind. She swerves to safe the lady and her child and comes inches from hitting a small lighting pole and possibly being crushed by it.

This happened earlier this year to me. Besides the people in the other cars, I never told anyone this. I was too embarrassed. Too shook up to talk about it. I couldn’t help but close my eyes to stop the burning sensation. Tears were trickling down my cheeks. I almost killed a lady and her baby.

As I pulled back into reality, I realized M still hadn’t called or answered the phone. The fear of the first and anxiousness of the second, shook me senseless. I drove towards M’s house to find him on the opposite side of the road, coming towards my house. I made a U-turn and went home. As we both pulled into parking spots. I quickly turned off my car, jumped out and ran to his car. I gave him a hug and then smacked him on the arm. But I never told him the full truth of why I couldn’t stop crying.

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The World. My Dream Vacation!

Cruises, Helicopter rides, running through the rain forests, reaching the highest peeks…and so much more! That’s a vacation of a life time!

Blue Marble (Planet Earth)

My dream vacation consists of traveling the world over the span of 3-4 years. I’d like to spend at least 1-2 months in each major city and a week in smaller cities.

In each major city, I would work like one of the locals to cover my living, eating and spending expenses. Of course, I’d have to take some extra cash for the fun, touristy things.

I think I would start with South America and move over to Africa, India, Pakistan, China, Europe, Russia and then back to Canada. 🙂

Resignation

What do you do when suddenly your manager gives in their resignation? How do you deal with the changes that are upon you, your department and your job?

If you were close to your manager as I was to mine, you would realize that this bit of news has left me quite distressed. Not only is she my manager but also my mentor and friend. Due to the changes and turnover in our department, I was very reliant on her support. I can understand the reason she has chosen to resign but I cannot come to terms with what my job holds for me now that she is leaving.

You see, our department has gone through many changes over the past 6 months. We have lost a client services representative; who was not replaced. 2 product specialists have resigned and 2 others have moved on to a different sector of our company. The client services department was then completely removed and myself and a colleague were promoted to replace 2 of the product specialists. 2 new product specialists were then hired to replace the previous.

Our department handles calls, emails and tickets for 3 major verticals and 2 minor ones. I am part of the employment team. My manager’s job description has evolved to working directly with me on the employment sector. There was just the 2 of us running 90% of the operations for the employment sector. However, with her resignation, I am left alone to handle all tasks pertaining to employment.

As you can see, I’m quite stressed. I was asked yesterday how I felt about this sudden news. Stressed! Upset! Nervous! Does that answer your question? I know I am up for the task. I know that I can and most probably will excel and do all that needs to be done; even though I am by myself. I know that I am able to handle high levels of stress and an extremely busy work environment.

But what bothers me is that I don’t feel as if I am being paid enough to do what I do. When this job was offered to me, I was asked my expectation. I said the standard amount for most in-house transfers and/or promotions: 10% increase. But as I’ve worked as the product specialist over the past month or so, there is no way in the world that 10% increase was enough. Although, they did “grant” the 10% increase, I have yet to see my first paycheck with this amount. I lost over a month of the 10% increase on my pay.

So what do I do? I know I don’t have a back up plan. I know I have not been looking for other jobs. Do I bluff? What if they call my bluff and I’m left without a job?

April 11, 2010

I’ve had some time to think about her leaving. I initially started writing this post on Monday (April 5th) it’s now the 11th and well forget about my salary issues, forget about the bluff and my back up plan. I think I’ve come back to depression. I know “we” (my manager and I) have had our ups and downs. I know we’ve had issues with a power-struggle. I know that because we are both women, there has been some jealousy issues as well. But I’ve come to realize, all that set aside, I’m truly going to miss her: our morning coffee breaks, our quick runs to Tim’s, our gossiping, or chit-chat about the latest Bollywood flick. I won’t have anyone to do all those things with. I won’t have a friend anymore. 😩

She’s been my inspiration over the past 18 months. She’s made me a better person and employee. She’s given me hope and guidance when I needed it most. She’s supported my decisions. But mostly, she’s been a friend I could talk to. Now, in a week, she’ll be gone. Although, I could keep in touch with her, it won’t be the same.

Resignation: it’s been one of the toughest things I’ve had to deal with this year so far.

My Name is Khan

What an absolutely fantastic movie. It’s sad that over 60 cinemas in Mumbai will not be showing it. What’s even sadder is the fact that Indian Nationals and the society want to put an end to all the violence but won’t let a movie be viewed openly in the city due to the religious connections.

Why in the world should Hindu nationals have an issue with a movie that is trying to show a Muslim man asking for his right as a human being.

How do you plan on ending the violence in a country when you cannot get over your damn selves and the stupid, senseless hatred you hold in your hearts?

My family is Hindu. I believe otherwise. But that does not mean that my parent’s religion is wrong or right. It does not mean that I am going to hate them for being Hindus.

What it does mean is that I have chosen to love them as individuals and as HUMAN BEINGS. You cannot classify a person by their religion. Religion is just a belief. It is what they were raised to believe and what they have chosen to believe as adults. That is all.

The 1947 war in India was not over religion. It was over land. Yes, it’s true the majority in one side were of one religion and the other side of another religion. But the war itself was over land.

The Indian government and so-called gurus/maulvis and scholars have turned the country in to a ticking time bomb. Don’t the Indian people see that this is all politics? The people that live in the country itself do not have issues with one another. They do not care that a Hindu or Muslim or Christian or Jew is living next door to them. All they care about is living a happy life and surviving the bumps and curves that life throws at them. All they care about is raising their children to be the best that they can and to provide their children with all those things that they themselves did not have. All they care about is loving someone and being loved.

The general public of India and I’m damn sure, of Pakistan too DOES NOT care about the politics or the religious issues.

If you show someone love and respect, even though they’ve been raised to hate your “type” of people, they will still show you love and respect in return. I promise you that. (I’m sorry I had to use the word type. I’m just trying to get my point across)

Anyway, that’s my rant. I am Indian. My father was born in Pakistan. My mother in India. My mother’s parents were born in Pakistan. My father’s in India. I am a split of the two countries. Yes, both my mother’s and father’s parents migrated to New Delhi, India. But that does not mean they hate Pakistani’s or that they hate Muslims. They just miss their home town.
Anyway, I’m done ranting. You can read the rest of the article here: Bollywood actor in clash with nationalists | Before It’s News

~Tamana~


Parents

Why is it that parents can be as cruel, mean, inconsiderate as they want but children cannot?

My father, he is a stubborn man. He believes all he says and does is right and everyone else (being his wife and children) are wrong. I have not gotten along with him for as many years as I can remember. Yet, I am always the one who feels his pain.

He thinks of me as one of his enemies; yet he praises me in front of everyone he knows. To my face, I am a disgrace, to other’s I am his honor. So, why is it so hard to tell me that he is proud of me?

Track-back

When I was growing up, life was not easy. Having an older brother and sister meant that the examples they set would affect me strongly. My brother – finished high school and went to college. My father happily paid for his tuition fees. But then my brother switched careers, once, twice, three times too many. Then my sister started college, start career, switch career, start career, switch career. With all the starting and switching my dad got a little fed up. So, when it was my turn, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do and he wasn’t all too willing to help out. Although, both of us knew he would!

Any who, as I was growing up I became more and more independent. I didn’t appreciate being told how to live my life. I know our parents are our guardians and counsellors but that does not mean that we are obligated to do everything they say.

My father didn’t appreciate this thought of mine. He was a dominant man, like most Indian men are. But I will not be dominated. Not unless of my will. I rebelled, I dared and I succeeded. He didn’t and probably until this day doesn’t understand the “need” I had to be independent.

Present

Today, I have a job with a good-reputable employer, I have my vehicle, I have 2 cats, I have my apartment. I am independent. I do not need to be fed, clothe, or taken care of by my parents. I am a strong woman who has seen many ups and downs in her life. I am 27 physically, however my mental status is about 35+. I am no longer the child. I am the care taker.

However, my father does not understand that. He does not understand that it is his time to step down; that it’s his children’s time to care for him and nurture him. My father is 65 years old. He should have retired by now. Sadly though, he cannot.

My siblings

My brother – 7 years older than me – does not work. He lives with my parents with his two children (the third one on the way) and wife. He does not pay rent, he does barely pays for anything else in the house. His wife earns, however, they do not pay much towards the expenses.

My sister – 1.5 years older than me – is married in India and has a 2-year-old son. She is living her life as she can. However, her marriage cost my father to take out another mortgage on the house. Just when his first mortgage was paid off, my sister decided she wanted the most lavishing wedding anyone in our family has ever seen.

Fast-Forward

Today, my father is old. He is tired. But he is stubborn. He does not pay attention to doctors saying he needs a break. He does not consider his health and still works 16-18 hours a day. He WON’T let me take care of him.

My parent’s culture

The cultural upbringing of my parents indicates that parents are only to be dependent on their son. That even drinking a glass of water at their daughter’s house is like being in debt to her for 7 lives. It displays that a daughter is not her parent’s strength but their weakness.

 FULL STOP~!

For the longest time, the above post has nagged at me every time I log into my dashboard. It’s telling me to tell my story, to write about my parents. And finally today, with a hint of sympathy and love I am going to finish this post.

I know, above I’ve written a bunch of thoughts when I was angry. At the time of writing it, my emotions would’ve probably played a huge role. And today, again, my emotions will play another huge role. Because today with a hint of confidence, I want to say that I’ve begun to understand my father. 

You see, my father and I are two extremely different people. Our way of life, our thinking, our mentality and the way we do things is quite different. We are a clash and because of this clash, neither one of us has taken the time to get to know the other. UNTIL TODAY! Today, with a very small hint of confidence, I want to say that I’ve gotten to know my father, I’ve begun understanding him. Now don’t get me wrong: I don’t agree with the things he does, says or the way he thinks. But I understand. In his opinion, he is just trying to do the “right thing”. Yes, I know I’ve put the right thing into quotations, the only reason why is because each of us has a our own belief and understanding of what’s right and wrong. 

To sacrifice yourself even an ounce is like slitting your wrist and watching the blood drain from your body. To do it over and over again, is like taking all existence and pushing it to one side while you stand on the opposite.  I won’t say my father is a Saint. I won’t even say he completely deserves the respect, empathy and love I have in my heart for him at this very moment. But what I will say is that with all his wrong-doings, with all the negligence and with all the pain he has suffered and has caused: he is still a good man. He is still a respectful man. He is still a man who I love and could NEVER forget.

Oh dear, I’ve got little drops of regret, sadness and love falling from my eyes. I better stop now.

All I will say is, as you can see the initial stuff I wrote had a different aspect of emotions tied to it and the stuff I just wrote now has another. Just remember, we fight them, we hate them, we love them, we disrespect them, but at the end of the day they are still our parents. They may not be the best ones out there, but they are your parents.

I resent a lot from my past. If I could, there is more than a hundred things I’d do over. But the one thing I cannot resent are my parents. Yes, they’ve had many faults but so will we, when we are parents. They did the best they could and so will we, when it is our time. But all in all, I DO NOT RESENT THEM. I do not wish I had different parents. And I will always love them.

That is all.

Exhaustion

Finally!

The exhaustion has passed. I am back to me again. I am back into control of myself, my work and my life.

It has been difficult adjusting to all the things that have happened over the past few weeks, but I feel MUCH better now; more satisfied! My rant about me being busy last week was more due to my lack of feeling content and of having control on the things I was doing or was required to do. That too has all passed.

Those reports are out-of-the-way, for the time being. I have a system in place for the rest of my work. I’ve made a routine for my “homely” duties and for my personal needs. Things are starting to look up again.

🙂 Nothing further to add at this moment.

~Serene~

Change

With this soon to come career progress, I feel like I need a new look. New hair, new glasses, new style, new ME.

I’m working on the body change but now the materialistic part of me needs to change. I got the manicure and pedicure this weekend. Next on the list, hair!

I’m thinking of a more polished hair cut with a little red. Something like the style Rihanna has going on the below picture.

But I’m thinking of adding some red to the bangs. Like an under-tone. How about the picture below? (Don’t mind my sloppy drawing)

Since my hair is already black and it’s been a few months since I’ve had it dyed, I think it will take nicely to the red color. A colleague that I work with tells me that the red will look too fake. But really? I mean, come on! Don’t women dye their hair to be someone else in the first place? If we loved ourselves so much and cherished everything about ourselves so much, then why would we “enhance” our look by getting our hair dyed? Coloring our hair and putting on make-up is a way for us to be someone we’re not. Maybe that person is just another aspect of ourselves, an enhanced more polished version of us but it’s still not the “true” or “real” us.

This colleague, well what can I say? She’s judgemental of me because I want to add red color to my hair. But she does not see how much make-up she wears to cover-up her flaws. I am not judgemental of her. The make-up enhances her features and brings out a more beautiful person (I’m only talking about appearance and in no way saying that without the make-up she would not be beautiful). Why is it so easy for her to point the finger at me, when she too is using cosmetics to enhance herself?

Why are people so hypercritical?

Anyway, back to my changes. So, this afternoon after work, I’m going to head down to Marca College and get my hair cut and colored. (http://www.marca-college.com/) The students are  the stylists and it’s quite inexpensive. I’m on a small budget, so I’ve got to look for inexpensive ways to make changes. This probably wouldn’t be my first choice, but I’m going to be optimistic for once and try it out.

So, after the hair, I thought I would look for new glasses. Oh, by-the-way, I’ll post a picture of my new hair style once I get it done). Anyway, I went to Hakim Optical yesterday to check out a new pair of glasses and well, their styles were pretty lame, at least at the location I went to. Actually, to be quite honest with you, the experience was lame. I walked in, was greeted by a sales representative, and he asked me what I was looking for. I said, “Black frames”. He showed me 2 pairs (one being way too big for my face and the other being a men’s pair) and then told me to look around and find something myself. I found something I liked and had questions about it but the sales rep. was nowhere to be found. So, I continued looking around, hoping he was in the back or something, but he never came back and the other sales reps. were busy with other customers; so, I walked out!

That was a pretty bad experience and it’s highly unlikely that I’ll return to that store. I’m not going to opt out of Hakim optical all together because they have a good reputation for quality glasses and they have some great deals (buy one get one free). But I doubt I’ll be going back to that location anytime soon. I might even write an email to Hakim corporate office about the experience. I’ve read about Mr.Hakim and he seems like the man who values his customers and how they are treated at each and every one of his stores. I’m sure he’ll understand my disappointment with this particular store.

Ok, sorry! I know I have a habit of taking my posts from one subject to the next and then jumping back to the beginning again.

So, after the experience at Hakim Opticals, I decided to go to Ardene. Now, that experience was much better. I purchased 5 accessories for $11.50. Wow! I got a really good deal on those things. I got myself a couple of necklaces, an anklet and a set of 5 bangles. 🙂 The sales rep. was really nice too. I think I might return here soon for more goodies.

Well, I’ve got to get back to work. I’ll keep you posted on the changes and I’ll even post a picture of my new hairstyle once I get it this evening!

Until then – Ciao!