Tag Archives: mom in training

Nid’s 4 Year Birthday Letter

Nid started junior kindergarten a month ago and now her 4th birthday is coming up. I can’t believe how quickly time is flying by. She’s growing up so quickly and my mother instincts want to hang on to her and stop her from soaring away. But I know it’s good for her and me that she grow, become independent and soar towards her independence. It’s just so hard letting go.She’s going to be 4 years old today and I just cannot believe where the past four years have gone by. It’s amazing how much Dev and I have learned because of and from this little person. We’ve learned tolerance, patience, to love without expectation and unconditionally. We’ve learned how a soft giggle and silent smile can bring overwhelming joy to our hearts. We’ve learned to multitask and go with the flow. We’ve learned that you could “deep clean” your home, spending multiple hours doing so and it could look like a tornado hit it 10 minutes later. She’s taught us this growing a year older is a blessing because the year ahead will be a whole new set of adventures and experiences to mark in my memoirs. 
And now when her fourth birthday is upon us, I just want to thank the Gods above for bringing this little being into my life at the most unexpected time ever. She is the blessing I needed and I am so grateful for her. She is the purpose of my smiles and the person who gives me that warm, tingling feeling in my heart. 
Happy 4th Birthday Nid! Mommy and Daddy love you dearly! 

Doctors: At What Point Do They Stop Caring?

When you or a family member are ill, have you ever wondered if your doctor actually cares about you or your illness? Have you ever walked out of your physician’s office and thought “that was pointless?” Have you ever spent endless hours in the emergency department waiting room, just to be told that you have a cold or flu that will eventually cure itself? I know this topic might start a shit-storm among my readers. I know there is a huge sensitivity to a country or province’s health care system. However, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, as am I. So, what I’m about to say next might upset some people, but I am entitled to voice my concern and anger, especially when my child’s health is put at risk.

The Ontario Healthcare system is failing me daily. My opinion of OHIP and why Ontario is such an awesome place to live is changing every time I have to deal with this healthcare system and the workers employed by it. With the events that have unfolded over the past 3 months or so, I need to ask the question: At what point do doctors stop caring for their patients because they’ve seen far too many with similar symptoms? I know the Ontario Healthcare system workers are over-worked. I know the ratio of patients to doctors is depressingly high. I know that our hospitals are outdated and financially impaired. But at what point is it okay for a doctor to stop caring for their patients, that they just classify most of them with a common cold/flu because it’s the season for colds and flues?

My Ni has been sick since October 28th, 2013. That was the first time we took her to Scarborough General Hospital with a 102°C temperature. Although my child was screaming and crying and just under a year old, she wasn’t given any priority to be seen before other patients. I know; I get it; there are patients with more serious symptoms that need to be addressed. But there were also patients there with a common cold or an 80 year old who had a headache. Fine, let’s just forget about the priority system for the sake of this post. But what about the actual nurses and doctors coming to assess you or your family member, let’s discuss them.

I’ll start with the nurses. They come in, check the temperature, ears, nose and throat and automatically your family member is classified with a cold or “viral infection.” You’re told they’ll probably be put on a round of antibiotics and if it’s a child with a temperature, they’ll even get a dose of Tylenol or Advil to bring the temperature down. No other tests are done and they’ve given their feedback to the doctor on site. By the time the doctor actually has time to come see you (in this case my child), her fever was gone thanks to the almighty Tylenol. So, my child is feeling better and is active again and babbling and playing around because she’s no longer feeling like absolute shit. Looking at this, the doctors come to the conclusion that it was just a viral infection and “we should monitor it and if she’s fine after 24 hours then nothing further needs to be done”.

But what if she’s not better? What if she continues to get sick, periodically every 5-10 days with a 101+°C temperature that lasts for just over 24 hours and resolves itself? What if she keeps waking up crying in the middle of night; which is highly unusual for her, since she’s always been a perfect sleeper? What if we keep going back to the physician’s office and emergency department, just to be told that my child has a “viral infection” that will resolve itself but never does? What if that viral infection turns into an ear infection in one ear, fluid buildup in the other and the beginning of what looks like pneumonia in her lower left lung?

Yet, when I go back to the hospital, now the 6th time, and tell them this keeps happening and the nurse that comes in to assess her immediately tells me that “we have to bring her temperature down, so we’re going to give her a dose of Tylenol, this will insure she doesn’t end up having a seizure”. This time though, I am on a mission: Until I know what is wrong with my child, no one will administer any medication in her.

This time, I am firm; even I’m called a “rude bitch with an attitude problem” as one nurse was overheard saying. This time, they’ll do the tests I ask for; they’ll take her blood even though it’ll shatter me seeing needles and an IV put into my little angel’s arm and will cause her god-knows how much pain. They’ll take her urine sample, even though the stupid plastic bag they’ve put between her legs will leak the minute it fills up and she’ll end up peeing all over herself and me. They’ll do the chest x-ray even though it’ll be one of the most terrifying experiences for her being caged into a plastic cast with her arms wailing out as she screams and cries her heart out trying to escape. Yes, this time I am adamant that they will not let my child leave the hospital without a diagnosis of something more than a viral infection.

After all said and done, diagnoses being pneumonia and an ear infection, I can’t help but wonder why it took over 3 months for my child to be diagnosed? It scares me that over the past 3 months, she’s been on 3 different antibiotics and has gone through over 7 bottles of infant’s Tylenol. It upsets me that my beautiful angel is starting to look frail, weak and skinnier day-by-day because mommy doesn’t know how to make whatever is going on in her body go away. It pisses me off that besides the overly caring registration person at the front desk of the hospital, no one gave a damn that I had been there 6 times in under 3 months for a child with a recurring temperature of 101°C or higher each time. It drives me crazy that, after telling him and the first nurse this reoccurring scenario, I had to explain everything all over again 4 more times before I eventually snapped.

Have the doctors and nurses just stopped caring about the depth of a person’s illnesses? When I ask, “at what point do they stop caring?” I don’t mean caring as a human-being would or common courtesy. I mean, at what point do they stop caring about looking deeper into a patient’s medical history or ruling out other illnesses?

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Email Addresses For Ni – Reserved!

Something dawned on me last night; I might not have my blog by the time Ni grows up. So all those birthday letters I write for her each month, may just vanish into the net. I’m hopeful to have my blog for as long as I can, but you just never know where life is going to take you and what you’ll be doing 10, 5, 2 or even a year from now. I figured, maybe I create an email account for her and send her all these birthday letters to her. Once she’s old enough to have an email account, I give her access to the one I created for her. Plus, I get to reserve her full name on popular email providers.

So, I did exactly that this morning; I created 2 email addresses on 2 very popular domain names: live.com and gmail.com and then I sent her first email, see it below and you’ll understand why I did it.

Email to Ni:

Ni's first email
Ni’s first email

Why Won’t She Get Better?

The biggest worry in the world for a mother is that of the well-being of her child. When her child is sick, hurt, upset or in pain, a mother’s heart is weighed down with worry and a million questions. Today, I am one of those mothers. My Ni, my darling angel, my pride and joy is sick. Again! It’s become an ongoing thing. Ever since she got an ear infection 2 days before her birthday, she has just not been better 100% and yesterday her being unwell, took its toll on me. I broke down. I shattered. My heart-felt heavy and my mind confused with millions of questions. Why is this happening to her? Am I doing something wrong? Is there a more-serious underlying illness that the doctors aren’t taking seriously enough to investigate? Why won’t my baby get better?

I got home from work yesterday and Ni’s daycare called to let me know that Ni had a fever of 102°F, her cheeks were flushed and she was crying. The minute the phone hung up, I just couldn’t help myself from falling apart. She was sick again. She had a high fever again. What was I going to do?

I quickly called D but didn’t get an answer. I called our physician’s office, but no answer. I called the pediatric clinic the hospital had recommended; they wouldn’t see Ni without a new referral. So, I called the ER department and pleaded my case but they were no help either and just told me that they couldn’t suggest or tell me what I should do. As I kept dialing numbers trying to get some help, I broke down even more. No one was helping and I couldn’t get through to speak to D. I needed to hear that Ni would be alright.

After picking up Ni, 10-15 minutes later, I brought her home. She looked so small. So fragile. So weak. Her cheeks were flushed red. Eyes sunken and color pale. This wasn’t my little monkey. No, this was a terrible virus that had taken over my little monkey and hidden her away. I held her in my arms and let her fall asleep on my chest and feeling helpless, I just cried silently as she slept. I had checked her temperature, given her some apple juice and Tempera and dressed in on layer of light clothing and put a cold compress on her forehead. It was all I could do until I could get a hold of D or a doctor.

I did eventually get a hold of D and he left work and was on his home, but still an hour away. So, I just waited. During the wait, it dawned on me that I should call Telehealth Ontario and ask them if they could give some suggestions. Luckily for me, I got through to a RN pretty quickly. After giving the history and all the present symptoms and letting her know how worried and upset I was, she reassured me that I was indeed doing everything right and wasn’t a terrible mother. She gave me some suggestions and advised that Ni be seen within the next 24 hours by a physician or pediatrician to be thoroughly assessed for either an ear infection or bacterial infection. She told me that it’s expected for children Ni’s age to have a cold at least 6 times a year and because Ni was going to daycare, she was more exposed to infection than a child that stayed at home. She told me that I wasn’t a bad mother and that everything I had done up until now, was exactly what I should be doing and until Ni wasn’t seen by a doctor, there was nothing more I could do, other than give her lots of TLC.

Ni was feeling slightly better this morning when I left for work (thank goodness). D has taken the morning off to be with her and take her back to the pediatric clinic later this afternoon to be thoroughly checked up.

As for me, I’m doing better today too. That nurse I spoke to yesterday, told me everything I really needed to hear. I’m not a bad mother. I am doing a great job at caring for my child and she has the best mom out there. Surprisingly, hearing that from a complete stranger is what got me through the night. Sometimes we moms need to be reassured that we are doing a good job and not to worry as much. Sometimes, you just need to hear it from someone else’s mouth.


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