Tag Archives: mom-in-training

Nid’s 7th Birthday Letter

Happy Birthday, my precious darling.

Today I wish you all the happiness the world has to offer. I wish you success and wisdom with everything you do. I wish you strength and tolerance to overcome every obstacle and fear. But most of all, I wish you love; may your heart forever be filled by it and may you always project that same love out into the world.

This past year you have grown so much as a young lady, sometimes working your magic on keeping me in line. Most days I wonder how I got so blessed to become your mother. You have been my strength this past year, helping me get through the many obstacles and fears that overcame my mind and heart.

The older you get the more I realize that I have a best friend growing before my eyes. You are the love of my life. You and I both know I never liked children, I still don’t today. But you, my darling, have taught me that there are little angels like you that fortunate mothers like me get blessed with which make loving children so important and necessary. You have taught me to love, to be patient and to accept what life gives me.

Your cleverness and intelligence makes me question my own intelligence. Your maturity makes me wonder which one of us is the mother and which one of us is the child. Your sassiness and wittiness has shown me a side of myself that I don’t know yet if I should celebrate or fear. But most of all, the love and affection you portray to me and the rest of the world has taught me to be a better person.

You are the blessing every mother asks for when praying for a child. Someone up there must really love me because I was blessed to have you come into my life.

I love you baby girl and wish you nothing but the best life has to offer. Happy 7th Birthday, Nid! Xoxo

~Mommy

Mom-In-Training: Happiness

Since Nid was born, I have done everything in my power to be the perfect mom to her. For someone who has never held a baby until her own was born, being a perfect mom has been a struggle and required a lot of extra effort every day.

Many people in my circle know that I don’t like children and even after having my own, that hasn’t changed. I don’t know what it is, I never liked children before and even now I find them annoying. I mean now that Nid is getting older, I definitely enjoy her company more but when she was younger I had no clue with what to do with her. I’m not one of those women that can sit there and play with a baby and go goo gaga all over them, that’s just not me and it never was.

Don’t get me wrong it doesn’t mean that I didn’t or don’t show her love and affection because I do. I just never had the tolerance to sit there and play and pretend to enjoy playing with her, that was her dad’s job. Me and her do other fun things together, like baking, art, crafts, mother-daughter spa days or movie nights.

But the fact of the matter is that I have always tried to be that perfect mom we read about in books and magazines. I try to make sure the house was clean, she always had a snack or food to eat, had clean nice clothes to wear, was learning. Pretty much, I took care of her in every which way possible and always attended to her needs.

However, us moms put so much effort into being that perfect mom because TV, social media, movies and magazines portray moms as these superwomen that can be and do all. My own mother was one of those superwomen; there is not a damn thing she didn’t do for us or her husband and I’m thankful for all she did. Now, when I look at her and think back about growing up, I wonder if my perfect, superwoman mother was happy or not.

Moms put so much emotion and energy into making sure their family and home are well-taken care of that they forget to take care of their own wellbeing and happiness; always putting everyone else’s needs before their own. Ten years ago, my mother would never admit that she wasn’t happy. But the more I get to know her and have confidential conversations with her after becoming an adult, the more I realize she hasn’t truly been happy for a long time. Yes, seeing her children succeed, get married, have families of their own brought her happiness as a mother but as a human being was she happy within herself? I don’t believe so.

I think many women forget that while being the perfect mother, you also need to be happy as a human being. If you’re not happy as a person you could do anything in the world to be the perfect mom and your child will not grow up feeling loved, cared for or happy because your emotional turmoil with yourself will reflect on your children. They will feel the pressure of your unhappiness and it will effect them in the long-run.

I realized that maybe a year or two ago when I took a step back, looked at myself and realized that I was doing everything I should as a mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend. The only thing was I couldn’t see happiness on Nid’s face while doing everything I should be doing for her. She was acting out, getting in way more trouble, having tantrums and not listening when I asked her to do something. The reality was that she was not happy because I was not happy. My depression, anger and anxiety was wearing off on my child and you could clearly see it. Although, we laughed and had fun, as a child, she was not happy.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that my daughter doesn’t need a perfect mom or a perfect home. What she needs is a happy mom and a happy place to come home to; where love was ample and happiness reflected in everything around her.

A year ago, I began this journey of finding myself and working on making myself happy. At times that means I am choosing myself over everyone and everything else. It means I am being a little selfish when it comes to my mental, physical and spiritual health. It means I am working on making sure I am happy as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend but more importantly as a person. It has been a struggle to put my needs first and I am very slowly crawling towards prioritizing myself first but I’m getting there. Slowly but surely. And it shows when I look at Nid and how she behaves. I know I still have a lot more work to do to get to where I should be but any progress forward is good progress.

It’s simple; choose you first because if you’re not happy as a person, then you’ll never be happy playing all the roles you play in the lives of others.

~Tamana

Happy Mother’s Day

Mother’s are one of those people that can never be replaced. No matter what definition you use to describe a mother, it is never enough because there are not enough words in the English dictionary to define her. She is our friend, our companion, our saviour, our guide, our understanding, our knowledge; she is everything and there is no one before her and no one after her, except the Almighty.

Growing up, I knew she would always be there for me in my time of need. But as I aged, especially when I turned 30, I realized that she was everything. She became my best friend and me, hers. The bond I have with my mother is one that I only pray I have with my own daughter when she’s older and wiser.

Happy Mother’s Day, mom! I love you with all my heart and only pray I can be even half the type of mother you are.

Wishing all the mothers, grandmothers, aunts and sisters a beautiful Mother’s Day!

~Tamana

Mom-In-Training: Meltdown

I’ve recently developed an abscess on my tailbone that has taken the better part of the past week to develop and come to form. It is one of the most excruciating pains I’ve ever felt in my life. I cannot sit properly, walk or even lie down on my back and getting up causes even more pain than sitting down. I’ve tried every remedy in the book and am also taking antibiotics prescribed by my physician. But nothing has helped. To add trauma to injury, I developed a fever and chills this past weekend.

If that wasn’t enough to deal with, my mother took my father to the emergency on Friday because he had severe shortness of breath. He has congestive heart failure and constantly has fluid buildup in his lungs if he doesn’t monitor his liquid intake. So, emotionally my mind has been with her and my father all weekend because she isn’t well herself and is dealing with his illness on her own.

All-in-all, it’s been a difficult few days to deal with.

Maybe I am too emotional or in so much pain that I feel the people around me have been of no help since this abscess developed.

All this emotional and physical pain caused me to have a complete meltdown this evening. Unfortunately, Nid ended up being at the receiving end of my meltdown. I was in pain and she wasn’t listening and I just began to cry and told her how I was feeling and how upset her not listening was making me and that her and her daddy hadn’t made the past few days easy for me with what I was dealing with.

And now I feel horrible because she doesn’t see me lose my cool often and so she began to cry herself after seeing me cry.

After consoling her, I finally got her to sleep. I am still feeling terrible for melting down in front of her and will speak to her about it in the morning.

But I have to wonder, should I be ashamed of what happened this evening? Our children see us at our toughest, dealing with anything and everything life throws at us. But is it okay to let them see us when we breakdown and are vulnerable?

Have any of you ever had a meltdown in front of your child? How did you deal with it afterwards? I’d love to hear some insight from any of the moms that read my blog.

I’m Done, Adulting That Is…

I am so done with being an adult. I want to go back to being a child with no responsibilities, bills or expectations. I want to eat, sleep and play all day without a worry in the world and want my biggest fear or concern to be that I can’t find my favorite toy or that I didn’t get ice cream. Lol.

Do you ever get to the point where you want a break from life? Well, I’m there right now.

No, nothing’s wrong. I’m not depressed either.

I’m tired. That’s all. Plain, simple tired.

I think my trip to Cuba did more harm than good for me because it’s put me in a stance of not wanting to be here at all. We were without any responsibilities, except making sure the munchkin had enough to eat because she fussed about some of the food. Aside from that, the three of us were care-free, without deadlines, timings, responsibilities and I absolutely loved it.

But being mom and wife, you still sometimes end up having a lot of responsibilities even when you’re on vacation: making sure all the clothes are packed, making sure all the medications/vaccines are taken, making sure all the correct documents are ready and that’s all only before you actually leave for the vacation. Once you get to your destination, you’re constantly tidying up the room, making sure your child has had sufficient water to drink, food to eat, or is wearing enough sunscreen to protect her precious skin. Then the beginning tasks start all over again, making sure you pack everything, tip everyone, don’t leave anything behind and all the documents are in order.

Although, those are a different type of responsibilities, they somehow mostly fall on us moms.

I want a vacation by myself. A vacation where I don’t have to be responsible, at all. So, I can not adult and just be a care-free person, even if it’s just for a few days. I want to walk around like a tourist, explore a new city, taste amazing food or eat junk for a whole week and take a million selfies and pictures and sleep in until half the day is done, on a huge bed, all by myself. Is that too much to ask for?

Okay, I’m done being in my fantasy. Back to reality I go.

Have a blessed week. xoxo ~ Tamana

Mom-In-Training: Learning Difficulties

image2It’s mid-term report card time and Nid’s teacher has notified me that she will be getting C’s and D’s in language. But her math is extremely good. I’m so disappointed that she is not grasping the French language. However, I don’t think it’s a matter of her not understanding. I truly believe she isn’t picking up the language because she isn’t focusing.

I’ve tried speaking to her on numerous accounts about why she isn’t focusing and her only excuse is that she is bored with the routines of daily school life. Now, someone please tell me what do you say to a six year old already bored of school life?

Don’t get me wrong, this little cookie of mine is so intelligent when it comes to general knowledge. She has a creative eye and is always eager to learn new things and frequently surprises me with the things she learned or discovered.

However, she’s bored with school (already)! What do I do? I’ve told her that she needs to go to school because unless she learns to read and write, all the general knowledge she has won’t be as relevant and she won’t be able show the world her talents and knowledge.

We’re blessed with an amazing teacher, who is working extremely hard with her and me to get her to understand the language and work hard to succeed. He has so much faith and confidence in her and continues to guide her and coach her one-on-one to ensure she succeeds.

But I am stressed to the point that I cannot get this little cookie to focus long enough to understand what is being expected of her or taught to her.

Do you think she could have symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)? Have any of you dealt with this condition with your children or experience a similar scenario that I am facing with Nid?

I think, I am going to begin reading up on the conditions of ADHD and see if this might be a reason why she’s struggling.

Your stressed mama ~ Tamana

Ni’s 6th Birthday Celebrations

Thought I’d share some of the highlights of baby girl’s birthday with all of you.

She got surprised at school with balloons, cupcakes, toys and tons of treats to share with her classmates the day before.

On her actual birthday, she got to dress up like a cosmic-butterfly and also had a trip to a pumpkin patch.

In the evening, myself and her dad, grandma, an aunt, my brother and sister-in-law surprised her with a cake and gifts. And of course, her maasi (my sister) sent a special gift for her since she wasn’t able to make it.

And of course, we went trick or treating around the block.

I want to thank all of our family and friends for all the love and blessings they showered on my little darling through all social media channels. I read each one of your messages to her and she was so amazed at how many people took the time to wish her. She is a blessed child and we are grateful parents to have all of you around the world joining us with celebrating our little girl.

Feeling humbled ~ Tamana