Tag Archives: mom

Mom-In-Training: Precious Moments

One of the most precious moments caught on camera was of my love and me, holding pinky fingers as we slept.

I found this photo on my phone a few days ago; it must have been from the night when she got in trouble from me and cried herself to sleep.

We had a rough day, the two of us, and when it was bedtime, I lay there beside her explaining how words and actions can hurt even mommy and daddy’s feelings. Because we didn’t cry, it didn’t mean that we weren’t hurt.

She was sorry and empathetic. She grabbed my pinky finger and pinky swore to never hurt me or her daddy again. I kissed her forehead and told her it would be alright as long as we all respected and loved each other.

By the time I was done talking, silence had fallen, her tears had dried up and she was peacefully asleep with her pinky finger locked into mine. I soon fell asleep not removing my finger from hers and when I awoke this photo was on my phone.

Daddy must have come in after we fell asleep and captured this moment for me to cherish.

One of the sweetest moments indeed…

Happy 3rd Birthday, Ni!

Ni's Year In Review
Ni’s Year In Review

Happy Birthday, darling!

I can’t believe you’re three years old! Time has flown by so quickly. I remember the day you were born, you were so tiny and fragile and now, you are such a big girl. You’re riding a bike now, you can open the fridge and freezer doors. You know how to tidy up your room on your own and put on your clothes. You can grab a snack on your own and share one with mommy and daddy too.

The day Ni was born
The day Ni was born

You’ve become so independent and as much as daddy and I would like to think so, you’re not our little baby anymore. You’re our big girl now and we are so happy to see what a beautiful girl you are becoming.

Ni's First Birthday
Ni’s First Birthday

You started pre-school earlier this year, it was hard at first, but you’ve gotten used to it now and love it. You also have a new babysitter, Kiesha and she’s grown so close to you, as you have to her.

Ni's Second Birthday
Ni’s Second Birthday

As you start another year and grow bigger, smarter, more beautiful, mommy and daddy want you to know that we love you so much, more than anything in the world. Your smiles help soothe all of our pains and miseries and take away all of our stress. No matter how big you get or how old you are, you will always be our darling baby girl and we’ll love just as much tomorrow as we do today.

Three Years Old!

Three Years Old!

Happy Birthday, sweetheart. Hugs and kisses for another beautiful year ahead. Xoxo

Sometimes You Just Want To Be Alone

Being married and a mom means I barely get anytime alone. Not even bathroom breaks are  excuses to be alone. If your husband doesn’t come barging in, your kid will definitely find you hiding away and taking longer than you should because all you want to do is sit thoughtlessly for 5 minutes by yourself. But it doesn’t happen.

The need to be alone grows greater and greater, until it finally explodes and leaves you feeling hopeless and strained. You get terribly emotional and all the emotions burst out in a rage. Then you feel guilty for letting yourself get to that point and promise to give yourself more time to yourself. But it never happens and you keep going through this circle of wanting to be alone, letting it go too long before actually taking action and then exploding and finally feeling guilty. 

I barely ask to be by myself. But sometimes I just want an evening to myself; childless, spouseless. It doesn’t happen though. The only alone time I get is the 45 minutes after work, before I have to pick up Ni from daycare and Sunday mornings when I forcefully get up at 5am to do laundry. But during both of times, I am doing housework, so it doesn’t really turn out to be the alone time I want and need. 

I’ve mentioned to D numerous times that I want to be alone, maybe go for a late night drive by myself. But he always reacts in a way that makes me feel guilty for leaving him and Ni alone, or he’ll say something like, “Ni and I will come with you, it’ll get us out of the house too.” Well, he doesn’t get that’s not alone time and defeats the purpose of wanting to go on a drive. 

I just want to go for a friggin drive, by myself, with a coffee and pack of smokes with my favourite cd playing, without a destination in mind or any time constraints. Is that too much to ask for? I just want to be alone sometimes!

I’m Being Selfish and That’s Okay By Me

5 days off work. 4 days out of the city. 4 days child-free. First vacation in over 2 years! I don’t care how the weather is. I don’t care if I’ll be broke after this mini-vacation or not. I don’t care that I’ll miss my little Ni. I’m going away and that’s all that matters.

Am I being selfish? Definitely. But I am only human and I deserve me time (even if it involves being with 9 other people). I cook dinner every night after finishing an 8 hour shift at work. Count the 45 minutes drive in and out and that’s 9.5 hours. Count the waking up at 5 am and that’s another 3 hours. Come home, pick up Ni, tidy up before she gets home, pick up groceries and run errands on my way home. When she’s finally home, change her clothes, feed her, entertain her and then put her to sleep. Wash the dishes, tidy up again and then heat dinner up for the hubby. By the time my day is done, it’s almost midnight. Survive on less than 5 hours sleep but never complain.

Yes, I’m being selfish and I don’t care who wants to judge me. Being a mom is a blessing. But it’s also exhausting. And if I want to be the best mom I can possibly be to Ni, I have to be selfish at times and this weekend I will be exactly that.

We’ve booked 2 cottage condos in Blue Mountain for 2 nights and there will be heavy drinking involved. It’s the first vacation D and I will have since Ni was born and it’s a well-deserved one. 

So, my lovelies, I will be MIA for a few days. But watch me on Instagram because I promise to be posting on there. I’ll add photos and a notes when I return on here, so wait for me!

Have an amazing long-weekend and Victoria Day! Xoxo

Re-Blogged: A Letter from a Working Mother to a Stay-At-Home Mother, and vice versa

RE-BLOGGED FROM: The Healthy Doctor

Dear Stay-At-Home Mum

Some people have been questioning what you do at home all day. I know what you do. I know because I’m a mum and for a while I did it too. 

I know you do unpaid work, often thankless work, which starts the moment you wake up, and doesn’t even end when you go to sleep. I know you work weekends and nights, with no discernible end to your day or working week. I know the rewards are joyous but few.

I know that you seldom have a hot cup of coffee or tea. I know that your attention is always divided, often diverted from a moment to moment basis, and you cannot ever count on completing a task in the one go. I know that you probably don’t get any down time when you’re on your own at home, unless you have a single child who still naps in the daytime.

I know the challenges you deal with daily, usually with no peer support or backup. The toddler tantrums, the toilet training accidents, the food battles, the food on the floor, the crayons on the wall, the sibling rivalry, the baby that never seems to stop crying. I know how the work seems incessant, like an endless cycle – you shop for food, prepare it, cook it, attempt to feed it to your children, clean it off the floor, wash the dishes, and repeat in three hours.

I know you fantasise about having an hour to yourself to eat your lunch in peace, or about having an afternoon nap. I know you sometimes wonder if it’s all worth it, and feel envious of your friends who are having coffee breaks at work. I know that sometimes when your partner gets home in the evening after his work is done, he wants to put his feet up exactly when you need a break the most, and this can bring you to tears. 

I know that you are misunderstood by so many who do not appreciate the difficulties of caring for small children on your own, all day, and refer to you as joining the “latte set”. They imagine you spend your day sipping coffee while your children play quietly. I know you miss your financial independence. I know you feel amused and sometimes annoyed when others proclaim “TGIF!” because to you every day is the same – there is no Friday, no break from your job. I know that many people do not understand that you work – you simply work an unpaid job at home.

SAHM, I don’t know how you do it. I admire your infinite patience, your ability to face each day cheerfully and bring joy into your children’s lives even when they wear you down. I admire your dedication to being a constant presence in your children’s lives even if it isn’t always easy. I admire the way you work without expecting any reward – no promotions, no fame, no salary. I know you want your children to feel important and loved, and SAHM, you do this the best.

I just wanted you to know that I understand. We’re both mothers. And I know.

Love from the trenches

Working Mum

Dear Working Mum

I know you sometimes get judged by others for leaving your children in the care of others to work. Some people imply that you don’t love your children as much as us SAHMs do, and that it’s best for children to be at home with their mothers.

How can they say this about you? I know you love your children just as much as any other mother. I know that going back to work was no easy decision. You weighed up the pros and cons, long before you conceived a baby. It has always been one of the most important decisions of your life. You thought about this even while you were in high school and were choosing subjects for Grade 11.

I see you everywhere. You are the doctor I take my children to when they are sick. You’re my child’s allergist, the one who diagnosed her peanut allergy. You’re the physiotherapist who treated my husband’s back. You’re the accountant who does our tax returns. My son’s primary school teacher. The director of our childcare centre. My daughter’s gymnastics teacher. The real estate agent who sold our house. What sort of world would it be if you hadn’t been there for us? If you had succumbed to the pressures of those who insisted a mother’s place had to be in the home?

I know you weigh up every job to see if it will suit your family. I know you wake up an hour before everyone else does, just so you can get some exercise done or some quiet time. I know that you have attended meetings after being up all night with your toddler. I know that when you come home in the evening, your “second shift” begins. The nay-sayers don’t understand that you run a household AND hold a job. You come home, cook dinner, bath your children and read them stories. You tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. You pay the bills, do the grocery shopping, the laundry, the dishes, just like every other mother does.

I know that you often feel guilty about having any more time away from your children so you sacrifice your leisure time. I know you can’t bring yourself to take a “day off” for yourself when your children are at daycare. I know you accept that work is your “time off” for now. I know that when you are at work you don’t waste a single minute. I know you eat your lunch at your desk, you don’t go out for coffee, and you show complete dedication and concentration to your job. You chose to be there after all. You want to be there.

I know how discerning you are about who is looking after your children, and that many long daycare centres offer excellent care. I know you only leave your children in a place where you confident they are loved and well looked after. I know that you spend many days caring for your children at home when they are sick, and sacrifice your pay. I know that you secretly enjoy these days, and revel in being able to be with your children.

I know that sometimes you feel guilty about not being there all the time. But WM, I know this. You are setting a wonderful example to your children. You are showing them that a woman can have a career, contribute in some way outside the home, and still be a loving mother. You are showing your daughters that they can do anything they want to do in life. You are displaying strength, endurance, dedication, tenacity, and you do it with so much joy and love.

I just wanted you to know I understand. Because we’re both mothers.

Love from the trenches

Stay-At-Home Mum

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Carolyn is a medical doctor and researcher. She blogs about health and her journey to discover the Nirvana of work-family balance. She has a toddler and a three-year-old and a wonderful husband, and returned to full-time work/study in February 2014. In her “spare time” she enjoys running and the occasional eating of cupcakes.

Happy Mother’s Day!

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Happy Mother’s Day!

Mothers are the foundation of every family. They are the keepers of secrets and hearts. They are our first loves and our last want. For without them, we would all be lost and not exist.

Today I wish my mom and all the other mothers out there a very Happy Mother’s Day and hope we children can give you back at least a little bit of love and care to sum up to the amount you give us every day.

Love you always and with all our hearts, Mom and Grandma! 💕

New Mom And Recovery

I apologize for not posting sooner. As you can imagine I’ve been having a challenging time adjusting to the little bundle of joy that arrived last Wednesday into my life. Although she is an absolute angel and hasn’t given mom or dad any major fussiness yet (except for once so far), its still been a tough few days. With my caesarean and being punctured four times trying to get my epidural in for delivery, my body is quite sore and not very cooperative these days; especially with holding a newborn, getting up quickly to attend to her needs or rushing to even make it to the washroom in time.

D and my mom have pretty much taken 95% of my responsibility towards Ni out of my hands while I recover from the surgery. I’m super thankful for them but have also had spells of guilt wash over me for not being able to attend to her needs and cuddle and hold her as much as she needs. But D and mom keep reminding me that I’ve just had major abdominal surgery and should try focusing on getting better rather than feeling guilty. I know they’re right, I just hope she knows that mommy isn’t neglecting her and is actually trying her very hardest to get better quickly for her and Ni’s sake.

Besides that Ni and I had our first doctor appointments since arriving home from the hospital. Doc says we’re both healthy and good and he doesn’t see any concerns at this time. We’re scheduled to go back in for a routine visit in two weeks. I’m hoping we both continue to show positive results week after week.

Well, I really should get to bed now and rest up for tomorrow. Have a good night all and stay safe.

Tamana