Tag Archives: my life

Quick Update

Wow, has my life ever gotten busy over the past couple of weeks; I can barely catch my breath! Between school, work, mom/wife duties/life, I barely have any energy or time to write about anything.

Can you imagine, I’m already into week 3 of school and have already written 3 tests, 4 quizzes, presented a group assignment and will be writing my second exam later this morning! Serves me right for taking an intensive course. But yikes, is it ever keeping me busy and on my toes.

My mentality has changed significantly over the past few weeks and has become a do or die type, no turning back, the only way is up, my only option is success type of mentality. I have become very focused on everything I want and need to do these days to ensure I am successful in everything I do moving forward.

I haven’t even started putting up my Christmas tree or decorations yet. Matter-of-fact, I’m not even in the Christmas spirit this year. As much as I love Christmas, it’s all about the hustle for me right now: hustle with work, life, family, school. I just want to push myself forward and move up in the world.

So, I may be delayed with putting up posts for the next while. I will try to do my best to get my posts up in a timely manner but if I go MIA again for a few days, you know it’s because life and school are keeping me very busy and I may be having difficulty managing and prioritizing my time. But I will try my best to get some restaurant reviews and holiday posts up soon!

Until then, stay blessed and enjoy the beginning of the holiday season! Xoxo

~ Tamana

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Happy Birthday To ME!

It took me 36 years to be confident in my own skin and to love who I am and as I age, I truly believe I am aging like a fine wine! My confidence levels have soared and my love for myself has reached its peak!

“I am more mine, before I am ever anyone else’s.”

And that has taken me 36 years to figure out!

Happy Birthday to Me! I love me and am proud of who I am, who I have become, who I will become and everything I have and will accomplish in my life! Have a drink for me tonight, cause I sure as hell will be having a few too! Cheers!

~ Tamana

PSW Graduation & Beginning Phase 2

On November 1st, I received honours for the PSW course I took last year. Although I have been working as a PSW for the past year, Medix College only holds their graduations for all courses, once a year. Unfortunately, my NACC exam result didn’t come out in time for last year’s graduation ceremony, hence, why I had mine this year.

It was a great celebration and my mom, brother, husband and daughter all joined me for my special day. I got to meet a few of my fellow students and beloved teachers and administrators from college. It was overall a very nice reunion.

The exciting thing about it was that I announced to a few of those teachers and administrators that I was rejoining Medix this year to even further educate myself.

Working as a PSW has taught me many things, including: respect, tolerance, acceptance, and most importantly compassion. However, it has also taught me that PSWs and Nurses are very under-appreciated and under-valued. The dedication and compassion a PSW gives has no limit. The amount of tolerance we are expected to have, has no limit. The amount of acceptance we have, has no limit.

We are spit at, called degrading names, treated with minimal respect, even hit, scratched and clawed at, but we keep our composure and continue on with the task at hand. And don’t get me wrong, it is not just the patient or residents but sometimes even their families.

It’s quite unfortunate how undervalued PSWs are in our society because we give so much to our patients and/or residents. We are taught to never get attached, but we are human and there’s always those one or two people your heart connects to and you get emotionally attached.

It’s a hard job, both physically and mentally but I have enjoyed it. There are times when one person will give you a smile at the most unexpected moment and it will make all the pain and suffer worthwhile. Or you’ll sit down with a resident and they’ll tell you their life story and you’ll listen in awe because you see them today, in their current state of mind and physical ailments and picture them as they were in the story they’re telling.

I have fallen to love and hate the job, mostly I love it, even though it is very physically and mentally draining and demanding. However, I miss my desk job and sometimes feel emotionally drained from giving so much energy to my residents. I want to be behind a computer again while being able to stay in the medical field and still making somewhat of a difference in people’s lives.

I have decided to go back to school to even further educate myself in the medical field. On Monday, I began a 11 month journey to becoming a Medical Office Administrator (MOA) and Medical Transcriber (MT). I went back to my original college, Medix because they offer an accelerated program and also because I am comfortable with the classes, schedules and instructors.

I am still working as a PSW with my current employer and will continue to due so for the duration of my course, as my hope is to work for my employer as a MOA or MT upon graduation. So, it’s very important for me to keep my relationship with them open and in good-standing while in school.

I know I will be 36 in a day, but I am so excited about being back in school and further educating myself and as my father says “better late than never!” I actually think my age is beneficial for education because I am more mature, I have more common sense (most of the time) than I did when I was younger and more overall general knowledge. Plus, I understand things better now and I have a do or die confidence; like I don’t have a choice but to succeed and complete this course because I’m not only putting myself on the line but also my family.

Please wish me success, luck, tolerance and acceptance, so that I may succeed on this new adventure! I am determined to succeed but every little blessing helps! Xoxo

~ Tamana

Quick Update

Hello my darlings.

As you can see after Nid’s birthday letter, I haven’t written much on the blog lately; it’s been such a crazy week and a half, that I can’t find the time or energy to blog.

There have been many things that have happened: my graduation (woohoo), a dear friend’s birthday, my sister’s wedding anniversary and yesterday, Diwali! So, those blog posts are coming later this week and then a massive life update on Monday.

Please bear with me as I get these posts ready and up. I hope you have a fantastic week until then and stay blessed!

~ Tamana

Who Are You?

Everyday of our lives, we meet someone new. Some are passerby’s, some stay awhile and depart and some become a part of us forever. But regardless of what their role is in our lives, they leave a piece of them with us and take a piece of us as they go.

We see only what they are willing to let us see. We hear only as much as they are willing to tell us and we feel only as much as they are willing to let us feel.

But then there are some people that come into our lives, who have the power to disturb everything we were so comfortable with. These people are more us, than us ourselves. It’s as if they were missing from the us we knew ourselves to be. You feel different, you act differently, you become a part of this person that you didn’t even know existed. And just when you thought, you knew everything there was to know or you felt everything you needed to feel, the mask comes off.

The existence of us disappears. Everything you thought you knew is no longer relevant. They are no more of us than us ourselves. They never were. Your mind created this existence that you thought you knew. Your eyes imagined this face that was never really there.

It was all an illusion of your mind. The person you thought you felt was never really there. It was all your imagination and foolishness. You allowed yourself to see a face, feel an existence that never was.

You’re left hollow, dumbfounded and feeling stupid for feeling anything at all and it shatters your core, rips through your soul piece by piece, shard by shard, letting you feel every tear as if a thousand knives were striking you. You are left unable to move, unable to think, unable to explain who it was you had experienced. So, who are you now if you aren’t the you that you thought you were when this person was more of you than yourself?

What Changed?

Someone asked me this question yesterday, “what changed? You seem different now.” They said I had a glow to my face, a sparkle in my eye and a confidence that hadn’t been there for a long time in any of my pictures. “So, what changed?”

Someone else asked me if I had someone new in my life; someone bringing out the beauty in me. I laughed and said “yes, there’s someone in my life but they aren’t new; I just lost them for a while and found them again.” She honestly thought I was cheating on my husband and had gone back to an ex-boyfriend or something.

I explained to her, it was nothing of the sort. I told her I didn’t have time for anyone new or old back in my life right now. She looked dumbfounded at me and asked what the fuck I was talking about.

I continued to explain, I found myself again; the same self I allowed to disappear behind all the people and things I was so happily wasting myself and energy on. I cut so many toxic and negative people and things out of my life. I needed to make peace with myself.

“I gave you more than I gave myself. So loyal to you that I betrayed myself.” – Cardi B

It took me a long time to realize that the battle wasn’t between me and the world, but instead it was between me and myself.

And I won.

The next day, everything changed on it’s own. My charisma was back, the sparkle and glow returned. The waking up in the morning with a smile on my face became a part of my life again. And most importantly, I slept; not for an hour or two, but a full night’s sleep, without interruption.

So, to answer your question about what changed, I chose me, again. That’s all that needed changing.

~ Tamana

Vulnerabilities

Have you ever let your guard down? Opened up yourself to something new? Decided things should be different, so you move and flow differently? Have you ever allowed yourself to become someone you never thought you’d be? Or given into temptation and completely submitted to your cravings?

What happens when you do? Do you take rebirth and become a new, fiercer version of yourself? Does it spin your head and confuse everything you believed was right or wrong? Does it make you forget everything that happened and make you hopeful for everything that may happen?

It’s like a breeze that knocks you off your feet, takes your breath away and leaves you gasping. You’re trying hard to hold on to the self you knew yourself to be, yet letting go of it just as easily. Days become nights and nights become days. Hours become moments and moments hours. The world spins around you but you stand still, grounded, just to accept everything the universe is giving you.

And in that moment, that split second, you realize you are raw, exposed, vulnerable, even savage. Because you’ve left everything behind that once consumed you. This new breath is fresh, it’s exhilarating and it’s pushing you to rediscover yourself all over again.

That’s where I am right now; catching my breath, allowing myself to give into change and rebirth. Allowing myself to kill off everything that stopped me from being my true self.

” and I open my arms and let the universe consume me” -zidditamana

~ Tamana