Tag Archives: rebirth

Death and Rebirth

In astrology, the scorpion is known for its constant cycles of transformation, ruled by emotions and instinct. It stings itself rather than others, hence killing itself off and re-emerging stronger, wiser, more determined.

I have always believed in astrology and have taken the characteristics of my zodiac sign seriously. Maybe that’s why I find myself, time and time again, in transformation mode; killing my old self and giving birth to a new, wiser one.

This trip across the world made me realize that my soul is ready for another transformation. Everything I have been for the past few years, needs to change. My mindset and career are evolving. I have hit rock bottom. I am broke, unemployed, emotionally drained and physically unwell. My relationships are being tested, some intentionally, some due to the circumstances that have arisen.

Now that I’m at rock bottom, the only way to move is up, with or without anyone by my side. It’s become apparent, especially over the past few days that people will only stand by your side for so long. Some I would have never thought to leave my side, who would have stayed through no matter what situation arose, have proven me wrong. Others I thought would divide the moment the volcano erupted have stood steady becoming my pillars. Finally, there are some that have proven how ignorant I have been for so long. The masks have all come off and everyone is now recognizable.

Including myself.

I am no longer the Tamana I was three weeks ago. I am no longer the mother I was. No longer the wife, sister, daughter or friend I was. Every responsibility has changed. I died a million deaths over the past twenty days, each time killing a relationship and responsibility and with each death giving birth to a new relationship and responsibility. Assessments of every new relationship was made and given the priority it required.

The highest priority given to self because the death of that Tamana taught me that without a rebirth of an improved, determined Tamana none of those priorities or relationships would matter.

Here I stand with the death of the old and rebirth of the new Tamana; the writer, the self-efficient, independent woman with her priorities in order and self-awareness higher than ever. Like the scorpion, her stinger is raised, ready to attack anything and anyone that threatens her or her peace.

~Tamana

The Extremist In Me

I am an extremist. I believe in loving to the extreme, hating to the extreme, living life to the extreme. I know that too much of anything isn’t a good thing. However, hate, love and life are such things that you have to be extreme about.

 

means to unconditionally accept someone; flaws and all. Love means to stand by their side no matter the circumstances. Love means to give yourself to that person fully and wholeheartedly. There are no limitations in love.

There’s no point in loving someone just a little or limited. Love is one of the world’s most greatest pleasures. How can you really only love someone half-ass? Then it’s not really love is it?

I know that most people will not reciprocate that type of love for you. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t love them that way! I know we begin to have expectations from the people we love so extremely; however one out of all those people you love will reciprocate it. Well that’s my hope, at least.

See, the way I think is there are about 5 maybe 6 people I love beyond any limitation. 5 out of the 6 may not love me the way I want or do. But the hope remains that the 6th one does or will or eventually a 7th will come along who will. So, to the 5-6 others I give my heart fully regardless of them giving theirs or not with the hopes of finding 1 that will do the same. I know it sounds a little selfish, but everyone needs love in their lives to live a meaningful life.

Of course I have expectations and want to be loved that way by all those that I so dearly love that way. But my hope of finding that one that will truly love me, unconditionally and wholeheartedly remains in my heart. Therefore, it doesn’t bother me as much when the others don’t reciprocate it.

 

is a very strong word. There is only one person that I truly hate in this world. He is not to be spoken of. However, talking about hate, let me explain what extreme hatred is. Extreme hatred is not wishing bad upon that person. Nor is to do anything bad to them. But hating someone to the extreme means you treat them as you would want to be treated. You make them realize the value of you and then you never speak to them again. You never see them again. You never bother with them again. You make them want you and yearn for you. But you never give them the satisfaction of having you.

For humans, the loss of a person we truly love and care about is one of the hardest things to get over. Life surely goes on, but somewhere inside us that person never goes away. Somewhere inside us we secretly hope and pray for that person to come back. And somewhere inside us we never get over them. That is the way to hate someone. Make them hope and pray for you but never give them the satisfaction of having you. And this hatred that I’m speaking of is not just between a boyfriend and girlfriend or wife and husband. But in every relationship. The loss of someone they didn’t realize was so precious to them will be enough to torture and torment them for the rest of their lives.

 

should be lived to the extreme! Never look back at the decisions you have made. Never dwell on the past. Just keep pushing forward. Every time you fall, get up and start over.

Maybe it’s because my horoscope sign is Scorpio, I believe a lot in death and rebirth. Every issue, every obstacle, every heartbreak is a death. But with every death there must be a rebirth. You must be reborn. And with every new birth you have you need to come out stronger and smarter.

Believe me, there have been many times when I’ve almost given up on life and done some really stupid stuff to myself to try to end the pain and torture I was going through. But believe me on this too, every time that I’ve lived through it, I’ve killed a part of myself and been reborn. That part I killed was the part that put me through the torture and torment in the first place. And I’ve come out stronger, wiser and with even more of a determination to become someone!

Life is a roller-coaster. We’re already on it, we might as well make it worthwhile! Be extreme about life. Know that before it gets worst, it’ll get better. It’s a circle we go in. Bad days come. But so do good ones. Keep pushing. Keep struggling. Keep falling. In the next chapter more things will make sense; that I promise you!