Tag Archives: relationship

6 Years and Going Strong (Amen)

Thank you for being my rock during these years. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you and making more beautiful memories as we have done so far.

Thank you for being that special person I get to annoy for the rest of my life.

Love you ~ Xoxo



When Trust Is Broken

  Why is trust such a fragile part of a relationship? Whether it be a friendship, a love between two people or a relationship between siblings or other family members; trust is what each relationship is built on. The foundation of every relationship is trust, then respect. 

If trust is broken, the relationship cracks. You can try putting the pieces back together. But no matter how hard you try to cover them up, the cracks still appear. No matter how many times the person says sorry, it doesn’t heal your broken heart. As much as you want, you cannot forget why the other person has done, you cannot look past the crack they have made in your relationship. 

You want to say so much to them, cry and scream. But what is the point? The damage is already done. 

So do you pick up the pieces of your relationship and try to rebuild that trust again or do you sweep away the pieces and move on with your life? A million questions run through your mind. You’ve been betrayed. You feel at loss for words and emotions. You’re crying because you don’t know how else to let out the storm that has built up inside you. 

Forgiveness is easy. But how do you forget? How do you trust again? Should you even? So many questions, but not an answer in sight. 

Sometimes Saying Too Much Ruins Everything

I recently opened up my heart, mind and soul to someone, it was a decision that took a lot of debating before I finally gave in to the urge to let out my feelings and thoughts. Soon after telling them how I was feeling and what I had been thinking, they changed. They avoided my questions, stopped responding to my messages and barely ever answered my calls. They shut me out of their life as if I had freaked them out.

Later, when the opportunity arose, I explained to them that I told them everything not because I wanted something from them; but as a person who wears their heart on their sleeve and isn’t afraid of telling it how it is, I needed to get the burden of my thoughts and feelings off my chest and so I confided in them. I pleaded for them to go back to normal and put that conversation behind us.

I thought this person would understand. I thought they would hear the depth of my words and realize that what I was telling them was not in my control. I thought they knew me, I thought we were closer then we turned out to be. Had they truly known me, would they have reacted the way that they did?

D says I’m bitter. He says, I don’t get along with most people. He says, I am too upfront and can be rude at times. He is a people pleas-er. He doesn’t tell it how it is. He sugar-coats the facts and holds back a lot just so he doesn’t hurt others.

But I am not him. I tried to take on some of his traits of being “nice” and “polite” (as he says), it didn’t work for me. Just look at the scenario above. I opened up, I was nice, I was honest, I was polite, I didn’t say all the mean but truthful things I should have said, just so I didn’t hurt my friend. Look how it backfired. I nearly lost this friend, when in all honesty, all I wanted was for this person to see me in a different light and understand who I was.

So why should I be nice? Why shouldn’t I hold back my thoughts and feelings when all I’m going to get from people is a closed heart and mind? Why should I even care for people?

I was happier keeping things to myself. I was happier being discreet and putting on a front. Why is it that when we let our demons out and put ourselves in the hands of vulnerability, all we get in return is a door slammed in our face? I dropped my shield and all it did was torture me, so maybe I put up a bigger, stronger, unbreakable, irremovable shield; one that never comes down no matter who stands in front of me.

What hurts the most is the only person I want to talk about this is the person who doesn’t understand and is too scared to understand. I ruined my relationship/friendship with this person. I know time will heal and mend it back to what it was and as long as I don’t open up to them again about how I truly feel about what’s going on, everything will go back to normal. But am I willing to?

A Fresh Start

MeEvery so often life changes. You fall out of a relationship and go through a phase of crying, solitude, depression, self-awareness, exploring new ideas, dating, falling into another relationship, love and possibly marriage.

Then marriage comes along and jumbles everything up again. Learning to live with someone, being equal parts, sharing your home, life and belongings, building memories together, picturing hopes and dreams, setting up routines and goals and eventually family planning.

Then the planning takes root and you’re pregnant; there you go again, all jumbled up again. The bump grows, you hear the heartbeat, see the sonograms, find out the gender, purchase necessities and cute little things, have a baby shower, prepare the hospital bag, and then you’re finally admitted into the maternity ward.

Several hours later, life hands you one of the most precious gifts in the world and your life is all jumbled up again. You become responsible for this darling angel and your everything goes into making sure they are safe, happy, healthy and loved.

With every phase in life, it is important to start anew, to learn and progress from the earlier stage and emerge into a better you during the new phase.

For those of you that have followed Ziddi Tamana for many years, you’ll all know that Ziddi Tamana has gone through many stages and has constantly been renewed and refreshed. As I’m becoming more of  a mother everyday and a better wife, I feel I need another fresh start here; with my blog.

Over the next couple of days and weeks, you will notice Ziddi Tamana change. I’m still the same Ziddi Tamana I’ve been all my life; but my blog will change. The look and feel will change. The categories, pages and menu will change. The overall concept of the blog will change. So, please be patient with me. Things may look all weird and wonky at times and out-of-place. But I promise you, the great content you’ve learned to expect on this blog will continue to be delivered. I just need to freshen up the place a little.

So, stay tuned to the new Ziddi  Tamana coming soon!


Writing Today Just Because

Hello Lovies!

Nothing special going on these days. I just felt like writing today. Ni’s at my parent’s house for the night and D and I are going out for dinner and a drink or two. I’m currently sitting in the car waiting for him to leave work. So, I thought I take a moment or two to write a quick post. 🙂 (see I do think about all of you even when my world is hectic and all)

However, like I said before nothing special has been going on the past few days. I’m just trying to get my mind wrapped around going back to work in November. Can you believe how quickly this past year has flown by? I mean, I got married in India, came back and found out I was preggo and then had the little babushka, who I must say, is growing so quickly and is almost a year old. Wowzers! It all feels like it happened in a blink of an eye.

The truth is though, as fast a this year has flown by, it’s been a roller coaster ride. Lots of ups and downs. But D and I got through them all and are still standing strong (knock on wood). My pregnancy was fun but also the pregnancy from hell. Oh the mood swings and poor D stood beside me and never let my hand go. If it was any other man, trust me they would’ve bolted the first time I flung my wedding ring at them. Lol. But my darling husband always picked up the ring and held on to it until my anger had calmed and then slide it back on my finger as if it was the first time he had put it on. But just the thought of those days makes me want to barf.

You know, through all the ups and down, at the end of the night, we always kissed and said I love you to each other, never forgetting the value of the other. That’s a Rule of Marriage I learnt from my ex-husband’s father; never go to sleep angry or upset at each other, for when the morning comes lots of unsaid feelings will cause distance. As fucked up as the old geezer was, he had some good advice every once in a while.

Anyways lovies, I’ve got to go. D’s here and we’re off to a late night dinner and drive around the city. Xoxo

Finally Some Couple Time

D and I got to spend the past two days and nights baby-free. We missed her dearly but really needed time as a couple to rekindle our love and take sometime away for our relationship. My mom kept Ni at her place the last two nights and gave us much needed time to rest and enjoy each other’s company. It was quite fantastic!

What I’ve learnt these past few weeks after Ni’s arrival is that it is extremely important for couples to make time for each other and if possible ask for help from family and take a day to themselves. This is will help take away the exhaustion, frustrations and nervousness of caring for a newborn, especially for first-time parents. Plus, it’ll give you time as a couple to enjoy each other’s company and get all the pending errands done; which you’re unable to do when baby is around.

Anyway, Ni’s awake and I must attend to my little princess now. Just a final word before I sign off: having a child is one of the most toughest, time-consuming and exhausting things in the world. But make sure to enjoy it because before you know it baby will be old. Also, don’t forget to enjoy each other as a couple and as a family. Having a newborn has taught me the meaning of family and helped me appreciate it so much more.

Xoxo – happy mother-hooding!

The Little Things Matter The Most

Sometimes we fight, sometimes we say mean things to each other out of anger. Sometimes we are extremely lovey-dovey. And sometimes we need our space. But no matter what the situation or emotion is for the day, what I find the most fascinating is to be able to fall back in love with your spouse all over again.

They didn’t say anything special. They didn’t do anything extraordinary. They didn’t even buy you a gift. All they did was smile the most genuine way possible. That’s all it took to make me fall back in love with D this morning (not to say that I stopped loving him in the first place).

But that moment when he was still half asleep and I kissed his cheeks and forehead and he smiled every time I kissed him, made me realize how much I love him and I just fell more in love with him. After all the drama, routines and headache of life, I feel blessed this morning to be able to appreciate that simple smile of his and recognize that my hugs and kisses cause him to smile.

You know it’s the little things in our lives and relationships that make the biggest difference.

Happy Thursday, lovies! Hope your day begins with something small that’ll make you smile all day long.