When black clouds cover your skies and hopelessness takes over your mind, you begin disliking yourself. You dislike your surroundings. You dislike the people in your life. You dislike anything and everything that crosses your path. Everything turns ugly. Things you once appreciated become mere annoyances. You’re constantly frustrated and agitated easily. It takes all your might to find enough reasoning to get out of bed in the morning.
All this because you don’t like yourself. You haven’t loved yourself in as long as you can remember. You let how other people love you become more important than how you love yourself.
It’s hard to love yourself again. Especially, with those negative thoughts invading your heart. But to recover from the depression and anxiety, it is essential to push the negativity down, deep-deep down, so that a little hope of happiness can begin rising up.
It will take time. It cannot be done in one quick moment or even in a day. It will take many days, months even. But it will come. You just have to find a way.
I haven’t found my way, yet. I put on red lipstick this morning as an attempt for a little happiness, even a half-smile. It didn’t help. I will try something else. I read somewhere, make a happy list. A happy list is a list of all the things that make you happy, even if it’s only for a second or two. Add your favorite colors, foods, things to do, materialistic items; whatever can bring even the slightest of smile to your heart or lips.
I’m going to work on my happy list later today. Or maybe throughout the day when time permits. This will be my first step towards loving myself again.
Ziddi Tamana 